Category: Prayer

Good bye 2022

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Today, New Year’s Eve, the internet is filled with quotes, blogs,posts,updates of the year ending. I often do not do a post about the year ending. As I have mentioned previously, New Year’s Eve is my least favorite holiday. It often produces an irritation deep within me.

This year has been an interesting year. We started with the flu. Not a great start. This year I have had a biopsy, a broken elbow, recovery from both of the above. We have helped our oldest with a new property, and helped her with some redecorating in her home. It has been a full year.

This year has been blessed and full of joy and wonderful memories. With the flu we saw friends step up and care for us, the same with the broken elbow. Dale and I started to really pray for each other this year, something we have tried and failed to continue to do. We have shared laughter with friends and tears also. I couldn’t ask for a better year.

I have learned much from our Lord this year. Recently He has begun to show me attitudes of the heart and mind. How our attitudes can affect so much around us. An wrong attitude can affect relationships, a negative thought can form life long battles with others.

I can be negative. I realize this. But, I also accept this fact and work hard at being joyful and prayerful. When something, or someone stirs up the negativity in me, I turn to the Lord. I have to, otherwise it will spill out from me and upset everything.

At the beginning of the week, I was going through our apple basket, the apples I use for sauce and pies. There was a bad apple in the bottom of the basket. The old adage came to mind, “One bad apple spoils the rest.” That was the beginning of my thought process this week. I knew it was not just the adage I heard, but, a word from the Lord. One negative thought, even in passing, can ruin a day. It is like a snowball rolling down a hill. A negative thought can grow and grow and gain speed, picking up momentum as it goes and grows.

I listened and have been acutely aware of my thoughts this week. Of course, I had a wonderful week with my grandson, who asked not to be called Little Man (who is not so little). So, as I ponder how to refer to him here, I am also pondering how my actions and attitudes are affecting others.

It’s a good lesson for the end of the year. A cause to reflect on the past, and to pray about the fresh new year that starts tonight.

Like the old year, internally I am feeling empty, drained and old. I look at all I wanted to accomplish this year, and I can honestly say, my plans did not come to pass. I question if I heard correctly. I wonder if I have heard at all.

These are all remnant feelings and emotions from a full holiday season. The let down after the buildup to celebrating, seeing others, shopping, decorating, enjoying cookies and candy readily. Tomorrow a new year starts. Tomorrow normal starts again. The house will look bare, the lights outside will start to dim. Tomorrow is a new calendar with nothing written on it.

I am reminded of a quote by L.M.Montgomery in Ann of Green Gables, “Isn’t it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?”

So, welcome 2023! Give me your best, the good, the bad, the ugly. I am choosing to cling to Philippians 4:13, “ I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (NKJV) I will try to watch my attitude also.

When I wonder what to write

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As I have written previously, the holiday season is a time of varied emotions, feelings, thoughts, and memories. These all can be jumbled up together leaving you feeling happy, sad, drained, filled,enthusiastic and tired. It’s all a weird mix and one that you can only decipher days later.

Our youngest and her family left today. The house is quiet. Dale is making bread, so the mixer is running in the background as is worship music. The quiet after the days filled with Mario Cart and Wii games can be daunting. Giggles from a 10 year old echo in my heart.

Memories were made. My mother’s heart refilled with hugs from my grandson and having my youngest with me. Life has been sweet and good.

Anytime my children leave to go home, I ache. I want to cry, but I know my daughters are right where they are supposed to be. I have prayed for their husbands all of my daughter’s lives. I leave them all in the Lord’s care, knowing He is the One who best knows them and understands them. He has a perfect plan for their lives.

But, it is hard to see their car drive down our street.

It started to rain this afternoon, which really didn’t help the gloomy feeling I have. Yet, I know God is my strength, my joy, my shelter and the One who gives me peace. To Him be all glory and honor.

Holiday Memories

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“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” Psalm 34:18 (NLT)

Yesterday at our Christmas day service, our pastor spoke on the “First Christmas”. Yes, he did mention the day, but he went on to talk about those whose day was the first Christmas without a loved one. I looked across the aisle and watched a young woman sitting there alone. Her husband died suddenly a couple of months ago. He was just a year older than my youngest daughter. My heart broke for her and yet in her eyes I saw a peace and strength that can only come from the Lord.

The other ‘first’ Christmas mentioned was for those whose health was not the same as it was a year ago, or the finances were not the same. Christmas amplifies changes in lives. The day is built around memories and times in the past that were different than the current state.

I cried through most of the sermon. Not because of any personal changes, but because the day often finds me teary eyed. I am a softy. I can cry at a song. Obviously, I can cry at a sermon. I cry when gifts are opened. I cry at cards from Dale. I’m a Christmas cryer.

The sermon also stirred up memories that I try to stuff deep down at this season. Christmas and New Years of 1966 was my first Christmas without my Mom. As I was 11, Christmas day was like any kid’s Christmas. My older sister made certain it was a Christmas to remember. I do. I remember most of the gifts I received that year. A new pair of ice skates that I didn’t have to rent any more. A new jacket, a book I often think about still. There were twelve board games under the tree. That was amazing! Christmas was a good one that year.

New Year’s Eve, though is what has made me dislike the holiday still. Each year I force memories of that evening deep down. New Year’s Eve going into 1967 found me in tears. I could not fathom a year without my Mom. No memories to make with her ever again. I didn’t think I would ever be the same.

In a way, I never was the same. But, as the scripture above says, God was near to my broken heart. He was there with my crushed spirit. Since that time, I have been renewed several times. My sisters and I grew. We flourished. We functioned. We accepted that death was a part of life. It was our normal.

Whenever I talk with my sisters about this, we have the same mind. Yes, it happened. Yes, we dealt with it. Yes, we are stronger for the experience.

Change happens. Bad change as well as good. We cannot dwell and continue to suffer the loss of loved ones, health, finances. We need to live in the present. To see what is happening now. To be blessed by the little things in life. To marvel at the cold winter days and glory in the heat of a winter sun.

“Once I was young, and now I am old. Yet I have never seen the godly abandoned or their children begging for bread.” Psalm 37:25 (NLT)

God is more than our sufficiency. He tends to us. He comforts us. He provides.

He provides even when memories stuffed away somehow make their way to the surface and come out in the form of tears.

Christmas Eve

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“13 And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying: 14 “Glory to God in the highest,And on earth peace, goodwill toward men!”15 So it was, when the angels had gone away from them into heaven, that the shepherds said to one another, “Let us now go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has come to pass, which the Lord has made known to us.” Luke 2:13-15 (NKJV)

This time of year evokes memories. This time also pulls people into self-evaluation. How did I handle this year? What could I have done better? What would I like to see happen in the new year arriving next week?

Today it will be just Dale and I. We are doing last minute things around the house in anticipation of Little Man arriving the day after Christmas. So, today for the most part is a normal Saturday. Tomorrow we will go to church and celebrate the birth of Christ. It will be a quiet celebration for the day.

As I write, I wanted to say, Merry Christmas to all who are reading this post. At the beginning of this year I was struggling to write. This blog is almost a year old. The comments, the encouragement and the readers of this blog have given me gifts throughout the year. Your kindness and support hand me a treasure. Thank you for this year.

May this Christmas season be filled with blessings for you. May our Lord touch and heal areas that loom in the background of every day life. May joy become a daily presence in your lives. May laughter give you release and hope and increase your faith. As you celebrate through this season, may our God give you the desires of your heart.

Again, Merry Christmas and thank you for all you have done for me.

Now, Faith

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“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1 (NKJV)

Faith is a funny thing, not in a ‘haha’ moment, but in how it can ebb and flow within us. Each of us have gone from firmly believing in something to the reverse, questioning and wavering in our faith.

I believe that God is big enough to handle this. After all, we are human and sin factories and weak.

Tonight I have thought about healing (of course, I was watching The Chosen, episode 2 of season 3). It talks about healing. It is a powerful scene. It invokes deep feelings and tears.

I think of my younger sister, to me, she is an example of faith, courage and strength. I have admired her for my life. She nursed her husband during a long battle with ALS. At the same time, she nursed my niece, a childhood brain cancer survivor. During this time she exemplified courage. Yes, she would grow weary, but her love for her husband and children never floundered. She kept a family united with love, laughter and a bond that is felt to anyone entering her home.

I could go on and on about her. I remembered when she called to tell me that the diagnosis of cancer had been made for my niece. I hadn’t thought about it for years, but today, it has been in the forefront of my mind. It was a short conversation. She was in Maryland, and we were living in San Diego. She called to tell me two things, one, our uncle had passed away and two, they had for the first time put the descriptor cancer to my niece’s condition.

The conversation left me numb. I really did not know how to react. I had a elementary school friend visiting me at the time and she crossed the room, hugged me and took me out for the evening. We went to the movie to get my mind off of the conversation, to distract me. I remember it did not help really.

When our children are young, mothers will rush to do what we can to help our children when they are ill. We linger by their bedside at night, praying over them, gently touching them assuring ourselves that they are there. They will often stir with being touched and we quickly pray that they do not awaken fully.

Each of us, as mothers, have experienced this. Hovering over a feverish child, checking to see if the fever is rising or falling. Listening to a child with a cough, making certain it is not creeping into the little lungs. We hover. We pray. And our faith is increased.

That is how you grow to where I am now, I can look at a young mother and reassure her that things will be okay. Things will work out. We can boldly know that our Lord will be with that child, and that He can heal.

I haven’t stood over a child with a fever in years. I haven’t hovered over a child’s bedside. Those days are behind me.

Recently, my adult child received some news. It stirred this mother’s heart. The faith I so boldly write about faltered. I know that I know that I know how our God works, and yet, I questioned.

Does my questioning change anything? No. Will my prayers be put on a shelf in heaven somewhere because I faltered and questioned? No. God does not work like that. He knew in advance how I would react. He didn’t put His hand over His mouth aghast at my thoughts. (I always wanted to use aghast in a sentence, this was a first)

Our God knit us together. He formed us. He intercedes for us. He sings over us. I just needed to step back and remember this. I think that is why our Lord talked about mustard seed faith. If our faith had to be enormous, we would fail more often. But, a mustard seed. That’s a little thing.

“The Lord answered, “If you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree, ‘May you be uprooted and be planted in the sea,’ and it would obey you!” Luke 17:6 (NLT)

So, after pondering and remembering and thinking about the size of my faith, I recognize that my faith is enough, because of Whom I believe in. My God can do all things. “For with God nothing [is or ever] shall be impossible.” Luke 1:37 (AMP)

Roller Coaster

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 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 (NKJV)

I love roller coasters. I love the speed, the turns, the upside downs, the adrenaline rush. Of course, it’s been a few years since I have ridden one, so something might have changed during this time.

When we lived in San Diego, it was an easy trip to Disneyland or Knott’s Berry Farm. They were days well spent and were relaxing for me.

Since Thanksgiving, I have felt like I have been on an endless roller coaster. Some days are high and some are low. There have been many twists and turns to my days. Some days hold unexpected bumps giving me some air time. Some are slowly chugging to the top of a hill which then turns into days speeding by and nothing being accomplished in them.

Yesterday I made a list. I should have made a better list a couple of weeks ago, but, I felt like I could wing it and just go with the flow. What happened without a list is a baffled mind, overthinking things and not getting much accomplished. Yesterday I heard the Lord say, “Make your list out.”. Turns out, He was right.

I wrote down a to do list, a to make list and a to buy list. I checked off things already accomplished. To my amazement, the list was incredibly shorter. Imagine that!

In the midst of all these roller coaster days, I have found myself getting overwhelmed and exhausted. I have known the Lord is in control. I know the Lord is Lord of all, including my whirlwind days.

Today, I needed to read this scripture. God has commanded me to be strong and courageous. I don’t need to be frightened and confused (dismayed). I only need to remember that no matter how crazy the day is, how much glitter is floating around me, how many Christmas lights do not work, my God is with me wherever I go. I am in His presence always. Each morning He sings a new song over me.

No mountain, no twisty curves, nothing to upset my position, or toss me in the air is going to take my Lord by surprise. Joshua 1:9 reminds me, He is with me wherever I go.

Our Oldest Daughter’s First Christmas

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” 26 Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? 27 Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?

28 “And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, 29 yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. 30 And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?

31 “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ 32 These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. 33 Seek the Kingdom of God[a] above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

34 “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” Matthew 6:26-34 (NLT)

In 1979 we transferred back to the states from Japan. Our first born was three months old when we flew home from Tokyo. We stayed in Oil City, PA with family for a month before heading to Downeast Maine for our next duty station.

It was an expensive move for us, and although the Navy paid for much of it, there were still many things that we had to buy to get settled back into the states. This made for a few months of lean times. As we approached December I started to pray for $50 so we could give our daughter her first Christmas. I also prayed for some cute little shoes for her for church and a winter coat for her. She had a snowsuit, which would have worked, but, there was a part of me that wanted a special coat for her.

About the second week of December I received a card for me from my Dad. He never sent me a card, except on my birthday and inside the card was $50. I was thrilled! I knew it was an answer to my prayer.

Unbeknownst to me, Dale also had been praying for $50 for car repairs. Needless to say, we had a discussion on the best use of the $50. We each were holding our ground. A couple of nights after I received my card, our small group leaders stopped by. They had found some cute shoes and immediately thought of our daughter, and a good friend of theirs used to send along hand me downs to our baby. In the hand me downs was a beautiful coat and matching bonnet. All wool and lined. It was perfect!

Since they were our small group leaders, Dale asked about the money from my Dad, and where it should go. Our friend looked at him and said, “Since it’s from her Dad, it’s the answer to her prayer.” Dale accepted the answer and inside I was doing a happy dance.

The following day Dale received a card in the mail, addressed to him and from his Dad. Inside the card was $50. The answer to his prayer.

We learned a valuable lesson that year. First of all, God hears our prayers. Secondly, He knows the desire of our hearts. Third, He provides in many ways.

I often think of those little mary jane shoes and that beautiful coat and bonnet. Our Christmas was perfect for our little one’s first Christmas and for us as new parents.

During each Christmas since that time, I think back to that time in Maine. We didn’t have a whole lot, but, we had each other. Christmas, after all, is not about the gifts given, or the amount of gifts received. Christmas comes even when there are no presents under a tree. Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Christ. He gives gifts that are not visible or felt at times, but, they exist anyhow.

“17 Whatever is good and perfect is a gift coming down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow.” James 1:17 (NLT)

It’s Who I Am

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“How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me? 2 How long shall I take counsel in my soul, Having sorrow in my heart daily? How long will my enemy be exalted over me?” Psalm 13:1-2 (NKJV)

This morning as I read Psalm 13, my mind wandered back to a time, when psalms of lament were a constant in my life. I suffered from depression for many years. They were hard years, and yet, looking back on them, I now see how much I grew in my faith and dependence in the Lord.

When living under a cloud and having daughters that needed my help, I struggled greatly to be present for them. I was in counseling and under a doctor’s care during that time. They were helpful, but, the brunt of the work and figuring it all out was on my shoulders. I knew then and know now, that in and of myself, I could do nothing about it. I was stuck in a mire of hopelessness and despondency. But, as Psalm 13 ends with,“But I have trusted in Your mercy; My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation. 6 I will sing to the Lord, Because He has dealt bountifully with me.” Psalm 13:5-6 (NKJV)

I learned that even in the darkest times of my life, my God is there. He never shifts, never changes. He is the same today, yesterday and forever.

Shortly after reading this psalm today, a song started to play. It was the perfect summation of that time for me. It is how it resolved. It’s who I am.

Who Am I

Casting Crowns

“Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name, would care to feel my hurt?
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way for my ever wandering heart?

Not because of who I am, but because of what You’ve done
Not because of what I’ve done, but because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean (ocean), a vapor in the wind
Still, You hear me when I’m calling, Lord, You catch me when I’m falling
And You’ve told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again?
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain and calm the storm in me?

Not because of who I am, but because of what You’ve done
Not because of what I’ve done, but because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean (ocean), a vapor in the wind
Still, You hear me when I’m calling, Lord, You catch me when I’m falling
And You’ve told me who I am (I am)
I am Yours

Not because of who I am, but because of what You’ve done
Not because of what I’ve done, but because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean (ocean), a vapor in the wind
Still, You hear me when I’m calling, Lord, You catch me when I’m falling
You’ve told me who I am (I am)
I am Yours

I am Yours, I am Yours, oh

Whom shall I fear? Whom shall I fear?
‘Cause I am Yours, I am Yours”

At That Glorious Name

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“Therefore, God elevated him to the place of highest honor and gave him the name above all other names,” Philippians 2:9 (NLT)

Jesus, the name above all names. It is a name I cling to. In many times through these years I have whispered His name, I have screamed His name, I have sung about His name. In His name, I have peace deep within me.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” Psalm 34:18 (NLT)

Days and nights when I was alone and lonely, His name is the name I called upon. When times came where I felt it was the end of my life as I knew it, He was there. Bringing comfort and assurance that things would be okay.

“And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:20b (NLT)

Knowing this truth, I can face whatever is in front of me. For I know that no matter the situation or circumstance my God is with me. He will not forsake me.

During this time of preparation for Christmas, it is good to remember and recall the times that the Name above All Names is with us. This is Who the angels declared to the shepherds, the birth of the most glorious Savior.

Reminders of Dedication

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” 27 I asked the Lord to give me this boy, and he has granted my request. 28 Now I am giving him to the Lord, and he will belong to the Lord his whole life.” And they<sup data-fn="#fen-NLT-7217a" class="footnote" data-link="[<a href="#fen-NLT-7217a" title="See footnote a">a worshiped the Lord there.” I Samuel 1:27-28 (NLT)

Having children was a deep desire in Dale’s and my life. The doctors disagreed, nodding their heads and saying it might not be possible. I knew that God was greater than anything that “might not be possible”.

I can remember reading the book of Samuel and praying for this experience. We dedicated our daughters to the Lord. We brought them to our pastors before they were a year old and we gave their lives to God, knowing that He is indeed capable of leading and guiding them.

There is a quote by Alfred Lord Tennyson that says, “God gives us Love, something to love, God lends us.”

I have carried this quote in my heart most of my adult life. We are only here for what could be a burp in eternity. Same with those we love. Life is a precious commodity.

The same is true with our children. We only have our children for a brief while. Then they do what we have both prayed for and dreaded, they go out and live their lives. They marry, they have children, they have their own set of joys and fears and problems.

As a parent we are proud of the accomplishments of our children. I personally know that I did not do much, but kept giving them to the Lord. Sometimes, I confess, I wanted to send them to the Lord, during sleepless nights of ear infections and teething. Sometimes when it was chaos to experience them navigating through middle school, and high school. By time college came, my prayers changed, I daily gave them to the Lord, reminding Him that they were His and problems that I may have noticed, I couldn’t take control of and fix.

Fix is what we do as parents when our children are young. They depend on it. We are fixers of toys, of ripped pieces of little paper, of skinned knees. We kiss away their tears, we bandage boo-boo’s, and we put heads back onto baby dolls. Fix is what we attempt when life starts to affect them. They still depend on it, although they begin to repair things on their own. We dry tears over rough days at high school, we dry tears over a break-up with a boyfriend, we comfort over a test that didn’t go well. By this point, we fix by spending a day of playing hooky from school, drinking cups of tea together, by going shopping. It doesn’t cure anything, but it re-centers them.

Both of our daughters are grown. They are in the ‘fixing’ business now. There are times, though, when a phone call comes and you know in your mother’s heart, there is a need. No longer do I need to ‘fix’ something, but I need to listen.These are the most trying times. These are the times when I go back to the Lord, and remember the time that I handed our daughters to our pastors and they prayed over them (and us) a prayer of dedication to our Lord. These are the times when, I remember the day of dedication for our oldest. It was Sunday, April 1st, and as I opened my eyes in the morning, I smiled as I thought of the day. It was the day our oldest was going to be dedicated. I heard in my heart, “Are you truly going to give her to Me, or is this an April Fool’s joke?” I answered and said to the Lord, out loud, “She is Yours’ “.

There are times when I have to be reminded that these beautiful women are the Lord’s. That is when, instead of hugging and wiping away tears and fears, I pray and ask the Lord to be there for them, giving them strength, courage, and wisdom.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11 (NLT)