“How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me? 2 How long shall I take counsel in my soul, Having sorrow in my heart daily? How long will my enemy be exalted over me?” Psalm 13:1-2 (NKJV)
This morning as I read Psalm 13, my mind wandered back to a time, when psalms of lament were a constant in my life. I suffered from depression for many years. They were hard years, and yet, looking back on them, I now see how much I grew in my faith and dependence in the Lord.
When living under a cloud and having daughters that needed my help, I struggled greatly to be present for them. I was in counseling and under a doctor’s care during that time. They were helpful, but, the brunt of the work and figuring it all out was on my shoulders. I knew then and know now, that in and of myself, I could do nothing about it. I was stuck in a mire of hopelessness and despondency. But, as Psalm 13 ends with,“But I have trusted in Your mercy; My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation. 6 I will sing to the Lord, Because He has dealt bountifully with me.” Psalm 13:5-6 (NKJV)
I learned that even in the darkest times of my life, my God is there. He never shifts, never changes. He is the same today, yesterday and forever.
Shortly after reading this psalm today, a song started to play. It was the perfect summation of that time for me. It is how it resolved. It’s who I am.
Casting Crowns
“Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name, would care to feel my hurt?
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way for my ever wandering heart?
Not because of who I am, but because of what You’ve done
Not because of what I’ve done, but because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean (ocean), a vapor in the wind
Still, You hear me when I’m calling, Lord, You catch me when I’m falling
And You’ve told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again?
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain and calm the storm in me?
Not because of who I am, but because of what You’ve done
Not because of what I’ve done, but because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean (ocean), a vapor in the wind
Still, You hear me when I’m calling, Lord, You catch me when I’m falling
And You’ve told me who I am (I am)
I am Yours
Not because of who I am, but because of what You’ve done
Not because of what I’ve done, but because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean (ocean), a vapor in the wind
Still, You hear me when I’m calling, Lord, You catch me when I’m falling
You’ve told me who I am (I am)
I am Yours
I am Yours, I am Yours, oh
Whom shall I fear? Whom shall I fear?
‘Cause I am Yours, I am Yours”
The Refreshing of a Wild Rose 