Category: family

Thankful

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“Every time I think of you, I give thanks to my God.” Philippians 1:3 (NLT)

Yesterday was my birthday. I had a lovely day with Dale. I talked with my daughters via text and phone. I felt an overflowing love from family and friends.

I was overwhelmed, actually.

Today the celebration continued with a dinner with friends. More gifts were given and one of my favorite cakes was there from a bakery that I love. It was a beautiful day.

I was overwhelmed, actually.

I love to celebrate and acknowledge birthdays. I get excited when it is someone’s birthday, it is a chance to show appreciation and love. Except when it’s mine.I like to just sneak by my birthday. I do not like a fuss made over me. I’m just me.

My birthday overwhelms me, actually.

Throughout the year we go about our lives. We see friends and family, we hug, we laugh, we confide and cry, we make memories together. It’s life.

At times through the year I feel lonely, or unseen. I think we all get to those points. After each of my friends has a birthday, there is usually a post on facebook that thanks people for the expressions of love. Gratitude exudes from those posts and they truly are heartfelt. When I read them from friends, I think, “well of course people love you, you are you.”

Each year I am surprised at the love I receive on my birthday. Gratitude is what I am feeling today. Thankfulness for the people who have expressed loving wishes for me. I am overwhelmed.

God has given me the gift of a longer life. He has gifted me with my husband and family, He has blessed me with my sisters. He has placed me in a loving church family. He has gifted me. Today I am spoiled.

I am overwhelmed, actually.

Thank you for loving me and blessing me.

Lesson from Lucinda

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Lucinda is my granddaughter’s cat. She got her for her birthday and she is a cute cat as far as cats go. I always wanted a cat until I worked as a vet tech while living in Japan.

The job forever jaded my view of cats. I was bit at least five times a day by cats. I was only bit once by a dog. So, my affinity for cats diminished greatly. I still hold the same view.

But, Lucinda is part of the family now. She is a sweet little thing, but I often remind her that I don’t like cats and that if she knew what all I helped participate in with cats (spaying, neutering) she wouldn’t like me.

That being said, Lucinda is carried upstairs each morning to participate in waking up our Little Miss. She knows her routine and will wait for you to carry her up the steps most mornings.

I say most because, still being mostly kitten (she is about 9 months old), she gets the crazies some mornings. One morning in particular, I chased her around trying to grab her to carry her up the steps and keep Little Miss’s schedule. I finally grasped her and she fought. The result being a long scratch in the palm of my hand.

At that point, I was not happy with the cat.

Today as I woke up, my mind went to a few things. One was this scripture, “Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again—  my Savior and my God!” Psalm 42:11 (NLT)

The past couple of days have been full of emotions for me. I titled a post Emotions yesterday, but, I could not write. As I went about my day this morning, it occurred to me that sometimes, although we feel okay and will answer ‘doing good’ when asked how I am, that is not always the case.

Emotions run deep. Sometimes we are not aware of how we are truly doing. We are functioning, we are going about our day, we are giving God our praise, on the outside we are doing good.

Inside though, we may be feeling drained, tired, uninspired, without energy. This is what I finally realized this morning. As I had my quiet time this morning I glanced down at my hand. There is a scar from where Lucinda scratched me.

I looked at my hand and remembered that morning. Usually the routine goes like this, you go into Little Miss’s room, turn off the ceiling fan, turn off her sound machine and gently wake up my sleeping princess. In between you put Lucinda on the bed and she gently snuggles into Little Miss. That morning I did what was needed to be done, and Lucinda who had the crazies jumped all over Little Miss, and ran up and down her bed.

Little Miss woke up giggling. What a great way to start the day, isn’t it?

Those memories came to mind and then I looked again at my hand. The day of the scratch, my hand hurt so much. In fact, it hurt for a couple of days until it scabbed over. When we got home last week, the scratch drove me crazy with itching. Now all that is left is a scar.

As I finished my quiet time, I felt that this scar taught me a lesson (from Lucinda the cat), emotions can hurt, they can give you an itch that is not quenched. You can live with them, but deep emotions can leave you with a scar.

The scar is a reminder of what you have been through. My emotions I have kept at a distance. I still do. I needed to help, and be strong, and do what needed to be done.

Last week I told myself to rest, get caught up on sleep in my own bed. This week, I wanted to do the same. The thing is, you can’t . So, now I am dealing with the deep emotions that are within me. I have never been one to show my emotions, so even writing this is different.

My heart hurts. But, I have and continue to speak to my soul, “why are you downcast oh my soul?” My faith has not dwindled, I know that God is the great physician and healer of both body and soul, but, my humanity is showing.

I will continue to look at my Lucinda scar. It will remind me that pain will heal, and afterwards memories of this time will be sweet, lessons will have been learned, faith will have grown stronger and God is on His throne ever constant and faithful when we have faltered and grown weary.

“Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” Matthew 11:28-30 (NLT)

Blessed

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“Wherever you go and whatever you do, you will be blessed.” Deuteronomy 28:6 (NLT)

There are not many times when I actually think about how blessed I am. It is usually after an event or trial where I will look back and realize that the hand of God was upon the situation and He was blessing it.

Today, although nothing is happening and we have nothing planned, I feel blessed. I can’t even say I am in a particularly great mood either. I have grumbled a lot today. I have felt lazy most of the day. My outward expression has not been made up of smiles either.

But today, deep inside of me, I feel like I have been and continue to be blessed. I have talked with my sisters and it was like a lazy summer day when we were young and we could kid with each other and just be sisters. I have written some things and felt like the words have been there even if my brain was trailing off in another direction. I have been blessed.

I hope as you read this, you will feel blessed also and know that our Lord will bless us daily. We just have to look for it within ourselves.

Doing the Kitchen Dance

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Last fall I reorganized my kitchen cupboards. I am still getting used to them.

For three weeks I was at my daughter’s home. She recently reorganized her cupboards. While I was there I did a little jig around her kitchen trying to remember where things belonged and also where things were supposed to go.

I don’t think I messed her kitchen up too badly. I told her to speak kindly of me when she was able to be up and in her kitchen full time.

Coming home, my little jig has now become a full blown waltz. I am so confused as to where I am and where things are and are supposed to be. I find myself opening cupboards and reminding myself that this is my kitchen and where I am looking is where my daughter’s things are.

I am getting much exercise putting dishes away and while I am cooking it is a jumble of frantic motions. I am still trying to figure out what type of music would go with my dancing. I know I will eventually remember where I am and things will once more become normal and mundane. Until then it is a cross between a waltz and a jitterbug.

“For God is not a God of disorder but of peace, as in all the meetings of God’s holy people” I Corinthians 14:33 (NLT)

Elegant Invader

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Last week my daughter and I were talking about her cancer. She told me that one of her friends had called it the elegant invader. This resonated with me and I told her I knew that I would blog about that.

The definition of elegant is of a high grade or quality. Usually when we see someone who is elegant we are taken aback. We watch them to see how they move, which is usually dignified and effortlessly.

To invade elegantly, means, (to me) to come in by force with a quiet calm. Taking something by force with little to no notice of what is happening.

Cancer is vile. It comes in to rob and steal and maim. It is a thief. It overshadows. It tries to hide itself while it grows and takes over, until it is revealed and exposed.

Cancer touches most families. It is a rare family that isn’t exposed to it’s harshness.

In the same way, sin carries the same qualities of a cancer. It too, can permeate every crevice in our being. It grows in darkness and overtakes and spreads silently. It too is an elegant invader.

“This is the message we heard from Jesus and now declare to you: God is light, and there is no darkness in him at all.” I John 1:55 (NLT)

As evil (both disease and sin) loves darkness, so our God is light and in Him we have life.

I know that my Lord is going to touch my daughter’s body with His grace and healing. This is a season of victory for her, but as with all victory, there is a battle to be waged first. She is prepared for battle, strong in her faith in facing this elegant invader of her body.

Likewise, I turn to God for my spiritual battle, as we are all sin factories.

Mothering

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“Little kids, little problems, Big kids, big problems” Evelyn McCarthy (aunt)

When I first heard my aunt say this, my kids were little. I thought to myself, how could anything I was going through be bigger? I was in the midst of little kids and little problems.

I was blessed to have never had big problems with my little kids. Many cannot say that. They have had to deal head on with childhood cancers and childhood serious illnesses. Thinking back, I can see the blessings that I had when my kids were little.

Last evening I was talking with a friend. We talked about our children and I quoted what I wrote above. We agreed that it was a true statement.

We talked about various times in our life where we realized that mothering never stops. As mothers we often have to deal with stomach issues. Not illness or virus’ or indigestion. But the feeling of being hit full force in our stomach when it comes to our children. Each mother experiences it at one time or another.

It is a feeling of having the wind knocked out of us. It is quick, like falling off the monkey bars when we were little. The fall happens and when you hit the ground, it hurts and takes a minute to catch your breath.

The difference between childhood and motherhood is major. As a child, we cry. As a mother, we breathe deeply and continue on. We check our voices and blink and keep talking, keep moving and pray hard.

The past few weeks people have been concerned about me and how I am doing. I am a mother. Like all mothers, I have taken big breaths, stood a bit straighter, and gone on.

When women become mothers our Lord issues an upgrade to our body. He implants in us the ability to cope with little sleep, little time, little everything. Our eyes open and although we promise ourselves a nap later on, we go through our day with little sleep and little energy and little,to no naps. We function tired. We look tired. We move tired. Our emotions are raw at times. But we carry on. We aren’t saints, but we are mothers.

It is a job with few perks. Except for the arms wrapped around you that are sometimes sticky, sometimes muddy, and sometimes just weary because they are mothers themselves.

Yes, problems are always there. It is life. Yes, sometimes those “knock the wind out of you moments” come one after another. Sometimes they are rare. But, as mothers, we are equipped, it came with the after market upgrade.

So, this day, if you are struggling as a mom, take heart, we have all been there at some point. Take a deep breath. Clear your throat. Stand a bit taller. Pray. Lean on a scripture I often turn to, “This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 (NLT) God will be with you each step of the way, giving you courage and strength.

Quiet

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“Be still, and know that I am God!” Psalm 46:10 (NLT)

I have just come into the house after dropping Little Miss off for the bus for school.

It is a darker, rainy Monday. The kind of Monday where you truly wished it was the weekend and stay in the nice warm bed. Little Miss struggled a bit as she woke up, hesitant to open her eyes and move. But, she did.

By time we were waiting for the bus to arrive, she was full of conversations and questions. It was wonderful, and to me, it was a sunny day because I was with her.

Entering the house there was little light and there was a hushed feeling to the house. Quiet. No video games, no conversations, no television, nothing. Just the quiet.

As I sit here, I realize that we all need some quiet. A time to renew, to think, to pray, to ponder. There are so many references in the Bible that urge us to be still. To sit beside still water, to be slow to anger, to wait on the Lord, to stop.

Lord, today, quiet my mind, my body, myself. Let me remember this quiet time this morning and keep that quietness with me throughout this day. When I begin to get anxious, whisper to me and return me to this time. Thank You for allowing me to see You and hear You in this moment. Amen.

Love

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“Long ago the Lord said to Israel: “I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love.
    With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.” Jeremiah 31:3 (NLT)hos

A couple of nights ago as we watched an episode of one of our favorite shows there was a quote that caught my attention. It went something like this, ” There are many kinds of first love. I have wondered if our love was a fleeting thing or something more.”

We have all experienced many first loves. Not just in personal relationships, but all areas.

As I thought on this quote the past couple of days, I have thought of my first loves. Ginger, a miniature collie, my first dog. I never thought I would love another dog like I loved her. I did. Shugo. There will never be another dog like him. My heart could not take being broken again.

My first car that was mine. I loved that car. I was so sad when we sold it. I remember the pride I had when I drove it off the lot. The pride and prayer that I didn’t crash it on the way home.

I know every person I could talk to would tell me of some first love that will never be matched.

Thinking of all of this, I realized there is another kind of first love. That love when you have just accepted the Lord into your heart, allowing Him to guide and direct your life. I was giddy when I accepted the Lord. I couldn’t wait to tell everyone about Him. My life was changed and I felt it. I was different inside, I felt whole.

But, first loves can grow dim. I thought I never would have loved another dog like Ginger, but, there have been many dogs in my life since then. That first car? Well, it didn’t have what my current car has. It is dull in comparison. My first love as a young teen? I have to think about the sun and sparkling water of Hasson pool.

So true, is my first love of Jesus. This has been a lasting love for me. I am comfortable knowing that Jesus is number one in my life. I am secure knowing He cares for me and is with me. But that new, exciting feeling? It’s faded many times.

“But I have this complaint against you. You don’t love me or each other as you did at first!” Revelation 2:4 (NLT)

I don’t need to rekindle the other first loves in my life. I do want to strive to always feel that first love of God. Such a simple quote in a television series and it led me to many days of thinking about it. That’s great writing there.

48 years, Thanks for the Memories

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“Thanks for the memory Of sentimental verse, Nothing in my purse, And chuckles When the preacher said For better or for worse, How lovely it was. Thanks for the memory Of Schubert’s Serenade, Little things of jade And traffic jams
And anagrams And bills we never paid, How lovely it was. Thanks for the memory Of faults that you forgave, Of rainbows on a wave, And stockings in the basin When a fellow needs a shave, Thank you so much. Thanks for the memory Of cushions on the floor, Hash with Dinty Moore, ” Bob Hope (song)

In January of 1975, I said I do to so much I never expected. I was two weeks away from turning 20. Dale was already 20. We thought we were so mature and knew what we were doing. I look back now and laugh. We were kids.

This year we are where we spent our first eighteen months of marriage. The Virginia Beach area. It has grown so much in the intervening years. One of our homes is now a vacant lot, overgrown with weeds and looking small compared to the amount of apartments that once stood there. Our second apartment is long gone also, but now a beautiful beach home is where our rent by the month apartment once stood. It is now a beautiful area, not a run down bad part of town. I am certain none of the houses there have to worry that the pilot light in their heaters will be extinguished by blowing sand. Waking up to sand in the living room is just one of the memories of this area.

As a child, I always dreamed of marrying someone local and living in the south side of town in one of the Victorian homes that grace our city. I did marry someone local, my high school sweetheart. We have lived in apartments like I mentioned above, in a Japanese apartment that was very small, in multiple government quarters, and two homes that we have bought. I have always had a roof over my head. Life has been good.

Yes, there have been years where we went to dinner on this date and barely spoke a word to each other. There have been years where we have dressed up and dined with majestic views of the Pacific and the Atlantic. There have been years where he has been on the other side of the world and I sat at home wondering if he was okay and where he was currently.

Life has been good, and great. Marriage, I think is a series of upheavals and nothing. It is the mundane and the excitement. It is life.

I am so grateful to have spent this time with this man. He has made life interesting, entertaining and surprising. As I woke today in the same area where we first lived, I smiled to myself. One of my aunts gave us three months. I think we showed her.

“Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” Genesis 2:18 (NLT)

A Comforting Voice

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“Comfort, comfort my people,” says your God. Isaiah 40:1 (NLT)

When I normally think of comforting, I think of times of grief, illness, hospital stays, any kind of loss.

Those are the times when comfort is expected. Most of those times the comfort is given, although it is sincere, it is also stilted and lacks, for the most part, true comfort. The words are not empty, nor are the hugs or holding of hands, but, during those times, the recipient is distraught enough that they accept the comfort but don’t necessarily receive it fully.

This week, I have been acutely aware that comfort is needed daily. Life is tough. Times are rough. The world doesn’t seem as stable as it once was. People are in a state of flux. Things we depended on for years, now look faltering.

The situation I find myself in this past week has only deepened my thoughts on the above scripture. We are commanded to comfort one another. I have tried to do this.

Little Miss has had her world shift into new patterns. Although she has dealt wonderfully with it all, she still needs an extra dose of a comfortable snuggle or hug or tickle. A reassurance that although this season is a different one, the people in her life are still the same people. We are capable of giving an extra hug, playing a game just a bit longer, of listening a bit closer to hear what is going on underneath the conversation. Little ones don’t always come out with what is bothering them. They talk about everything under the sun and then at the end the problem emerges. She has been a trooper through this all.

The adults in this home have also needed an extra dose of comfort. It may be in the form of a meal, a flower delivery, or just quietness together.

Above all, each morning I look out the window and see the sun rise. I hear the normal activity. The Navy jets fly overhead, the neighbor’s dogs bark, the wind blows. These all remind me that through this all, the Lord is near. He is in the little things, the normal things. He speaks through people. He brings comfort.

“God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble.” Psalm 46:1 (NLT)

Yes, this has been a different week. Yet, each and every need has been met. And I know that underneath all that is going on the heartbeat of our Lord is holding this whole situation in His perfect hands, never leaving us or forgetting to care for us.