Gifts

“God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another.” I Peter 4:10 (NLT)

There are several programs that have tests to find your strengths, your gifts, the way your personality is and how you act or react because of this. I find these tests fascinating and I have taken several of them, although I do not remember exact terms that were assigned to my personality.

The Bible also talks about gifts. Gifts from the Lord. They are perfect and we need to share these gifts with one another.

I have heard about gifts that are obvious to many, and although I can see why they are spoken to me, I don’t always see the gifts themselves.

 For God’s gifts and his call can never be withdrawn.” Romans 11:29 (NLT)

When I see this verse, I feel both comforted and challenged. Comforted because the Lord gave me a gift and it can never be taken away. Challenged because I question if I am truly using this gift and calling to serve others.

“And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.” Colossians 3:17 (NLT)

All I can do is my best through prayer and service. I try to utilize what I feel is my gifting/calling and to give the glory to my God. He alone is who deserves all praise, all glory. It is for Him that I live.

Joy

I have a friend named Joy. To me, she is the living example of what joy is. She carries with her a peaceful and strong faith and hope. She has many challenges in her life and yet, when talking with her, I come away with a feeling of joy. I have often said her mother named her correctly.

Yesterday while I was walking I had the phrase, “Joy comes in the mourning”come to me. I saw the word mourning and thought, well, I spelled that wrong. I was impressed to think about that statement.

I immediately thought of the last part of Psalm 30:5 which says, “Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning” (NLT)

This morning, this was in my devotions. I hadn’t planned it that way, it was just what came up. Once more, the phrase, “Joy comes in the mourning” came to mind.

As I have pondered this the past 36 hours, these are the thoughts I have stumbled on. Joy, true joy is a result of difficult situations.

There are several seasons of mourning in our life. Some, in retrospect may seem tiny, but while going through them, they are anything but small.

We mourn broken relationships. Losing a friend is heartbreaking. A part of you that trusted and confided in, is gone. Gone also are those things shared with someone you trusted. Things spoken in confidence only to have that confidence shattered.

A death of a parent. We mourn what we have had taken from us. A part of who you are is lost. There is a void there that cannot be refilled. It is like walking with a gaping hole in your being.

A fractured marriage. The intense isolation that comes with this. The questions that plague you.

Loss of a spouse. I have no idea how this is. I do know that I have witnessed through friends this unbearable ordeal. It is worse than loss of a parent, this is truly losing part of your heart.

But, I believe, through the midst of all of this, joy comes. It may not be the laughing, jovial type of joy, but it is joy nonetheless.

A synonym for joy is comfort. In times of mourning, there is a time where comfort resides. It’s not that overwhelming feeling of laughter, but there is a comfort, an acknowledgement of life being better, richer because of that friend, that spouse, your parents.

These people who are lost are truly gifts in your life. They have given joy, love, truth. We learn vital lessons from them. Our lives are changed because of them.

I am still trying to think through the phrase of joy coming in mourning. I had to get them down so I can remember.

Teflon

“He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.” Psalm 91:4 (NLT)

Recently I prayed with a friend and as I prayed I had the image of an old commercial for teflon pans. The pans that you can fry an egg without any oil or butter and they show the egg gliding easily out of the pan onto a plate.

I thought it was a weird thought, but before I could ponder it, I heard the words, “May the Lord cover you in teflon”.

We both sort of chuckled at that.

The image has stayed with me though. There are seasons in our lives where we do need to have our Lord cover us in teflon. The seasons that we are weak, vulnerable, and exhausted. When things are like arrows attacking us, unrelenting things. Those times when we are more than overwhelmed. These are teflon times.

The Lord promises us that He will be our protection. He will be our shelter. He will be surrounding us with His perfect peace. Difficult times will always happen. There will always be times when we just want to cover ourselves up, curled in a blanket. The Lord wants to be our blanket, our security. He wants us to allow Him to cover us in teflon. It won’t change situations. We may still feel like we are in the middle of a fiery furnace. But, in these times, God wants to cover us in teflon, so nothing else will stick to us.

Comparisons

“Peter asked Jesus, “What about him, Lord?” 22 Jesus replied, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? As for you, follow me.” John 21:21-22 (NLT)

I am terrible at comparing myself to others. I have done it my whole life. I wish I was shorter (I just had to wait on that one, you know…gravity and age). I wish my hair was that color. I wish I could dress like that. I wish I could write like that. I wish I could teach like that. I wish I could pray like that.

I think, like most people, my life has many desires that I wish for.

The thing is, though, my life is exactly how the Lord created me. Yes, I pray differently, I write differently, I dress differently, I do what I do. I do me.

Often I go to Psalm 139:13, “You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb.” (NLT) My youngest daughter is a knitter. I have often watched her take a ball of yarn and turn it into a work of art. She patiently works the yarn in her hands, pulling stitches that don’t work and re-doing them. She measures and calculates exactly how many stitches to place here and there. The end result will often bring about ooh’s and aahhs. Most of her work are gifts to others. I have seen reactions from those who have received gifts from her. The joy in the faces, the appreciation of her work, the details that she never fails to put into place.

We (I) am knit together. In my mother’s womb the Lord took two pieces and knit me together. The details, the height, the hair, the eyes, the brain, the speech, the type of walk we have. The Lord knit us together.

His artistry was unique for each of us. He did not compare us to His other work, that did not matter. What mattered was us, each individual.

The apostles learned this afresh when they asked about John. What about him? It was the same as us saying, “I wish I could, or did, or have….”

This lesson hit me today during my quiet time. I am me. You are you. A perfect artist knit us together to be exactly who we are. Likewise, we need to follow Him. That is the perfect response we can give our Creator. He made us and knows us intimately. To follow Him, allowing Him to work in this creation that we are, gives Him the ability to work in us. We, then, will see the freedom to be who we are and what we were created to do.

When Decorations Come Down

I do love to decorate. I love fussing with little things and placing them in the exact place they fit. I love seeing the transformation of our home.

I really do not like taking down and putting away decorations. Especially the putting away part. It’s tedious and frustrating.

Yesterday I finished un-decorating our living room. It looks bare. Empty. Plain. Our banister going up the stairs is empty. No garland, no ornaments, just a handrail on the steps.

As I look at this, I remind myself of when we first looked at our home. It was really empty then. No furniture, in need of paint (still is in many rooms), but we fell in love with our home. It was perfect! It was an answer to our prayers. It was our dream home. It still is.

There is a spiritual lesson here for me also. When I came to Jesus, I was in great need. My marriage was crumbling. I was in a foreign country. I was away from family and friends. I felt alone and lonely. Sometimes the Lord allows you to get to the bottom of yourselves so that all you have left is to look up.

In this state, plain, empty, lacking any hope, I looked up. The Lord was there, ready to transform my life. I came to Him empty and plain. He gave me decorations. First, He gave me hope. He gave me peace. He cleaned my insides and decorated me with His Holy Spirit. My smile returned. I was renewed, washed in His presence, in His love. He decorated me for His kingdom.

Since that time, there have been seasons where I have tried to hide things in my life, like He isn’t aware of my every action and thought. I have decorated myself in self righteousness. I have placed pride in just the right spots. I have boasted of things that were petty.

Eventually I realize the season is over and I allow Him to un-decorate me. He removes the pride, the boasting, the world from me, but instead of carefully wrapping it up and placing it in storage, He takes it and throws it into the deepest pit, where I cannot retrieve it.

God is faithful, even when I am not. He is always there beside me. Each day is new. Each day I attempt to keep the day focused on Him. Some days it’s a cinch, others a fleeting thought will remind how little I have been in touch with my Creator. No matter what the day turns out to be, I know that He is decorator and He is also the One who will remove the extra garland and tinsel I have put on to cover up my bare spots.

” Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever.” Hebrew 13:8 (KJV)

Recovering

“Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the Lord.” Romans 12:19 (NLT)

Years ago I lived in a world where control reigned. Fortunately, that is no longer the case. A lesson was learned that being a control freak is just an outward expression of inward pain.

Control left my life and life was easier. Every once in a while I feel control rising in our home. I react accordingly and it is not pleasant. I either shut down completely or I react with anger. Neither are good things.

In the past few days I was once more confronted with a controlling person. I was proud of myself because I did not shut down. I did not get angry. I stayed like myself. I met the disagreeable tone with answers that were measured and calm. I stepped outside and prayed. Prayed for the person who is struggling with their inward pain and prayed that I would not do what every fiber of my being wanted to do, lash out.

Control is a difficult thing in our lives. When our lives feel so out of control and we have no choice in what is happening, we grasp hold of what we can and manipulate it into a shape where we can have a say. Control wears you out. The person controlling and the person who is being controlled. It robs you of peace and calm. It distances itself from true happiness.

You settle. You rationalize about the situation. You look for hope. Even in all of it, you do experience growth. You see, the Lord is in the midst of control if you look for Him. He is waiting for a hand to reach out towards Him. He is whispering in the quiet of the night. He understands and loves in spite of it all.

Today I woke up feeling raw inside. I wasn’t sick, but there was a familiar feeling deep within me. It feels like the hurt of a burnt finger that is blistered. It’s small, but it’s painful. I realized that in the corners of my being that long time hurt resides. It’s there for remembrance, to recognize certain situations. Today, though, if felt like it had been poked harshly and was once more wounded.

Since I recognized it, I have asked the Lord to touch that area. Once more I go to prayer, this time to earnestly pray for those suffering from the bonds of control. I do not have to do anything, for it is in God’s hands.

“Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.” I Peter 5:7 (NLT)

Once upon a time, I worried about everything. I worried I would do something wrong. I would mess up. I would fail. But, that was long ago. I have learned, sometimes the hard way, to cast my cares on God. He is big enough to handle them. He can hear my screaming, my agony, my tears. He has never failed me. I know that when things get like this, I can climb up on His lap and His perfect arms wrap around me and heal, even the deepest hurts and disturbances.

Good bye 2022

Today, New Year’s Eve, the internet is filled with quotes, blogs,posts,updates of the year ending. I often do not do a post about the year ending. As I have mentioned previously, New Year’s Eve is my least favorite holiday. It often produces an irritation deep within me.

This year has been an interesting year. We started with the flu. Not a great start. This year I have had a biopsy, a broken elbow, recovery from both of the above. We have helped our oldest with a new property, and helped her with some redecorating in her home. It has been a full year.

This year has been blessed and full of joy and wonderful memories. With the flu we saw friends step up and care for us, the same with the broken elbow. Dale and I started to really pray for each other this year, something we have tried and failed to continue to do. We have shared laughter with friends and tears also. I couldn’t ask for a better year.

I have learned much from our Lord this year. Recently He has begun to show me attitudes of the heart and mind. How our attitudes can affect so much around us. An wrong attitude can affect relationships, a negative thought can form life long battles with others.

I can be negative. I realize this. But, I also accept this fact and work hard at being joyful and prayerful. When something, or someone stirs up the negativity in me, I turn to the Lord. I have to, otherwise it will spill out from me and upset everything.

At the beginning of the week, I was going through our apple basket, the apples I use for sauce and pies. There was a bad apple in the bottom of the basket. The old adage came to mind, “One bad apple spoils the rest.” That was the beginning of my thought process this week. I knew it was not just the adage I heard, but, a word from the Lord. One negative thought, even in passing, can ruin a day. It is like a snowball rolling down a hill. A negative thought can grow and grow and gain speed, picking up momentum as it goes and grows.

I listened and have been acutely aware of my thoughts this week. Of course, I had a wonderful week with my grandson, who asked not to be called Little Man (who is not so little). So, as I ponder how to refer to him here, I am also pondering how my actions and attitudes are affecting others.

It’s a good lesson for the end of the year. A cause to reflect on the past, and to pray about the fresh new year that starts tonight.

Like the old year, internally I am feeling empty, drained and old. I look at all I wanted to accomplish this year, and I can honestly say, my plans did not come to pass. I question if I heard correctly. I wonder if I have heard at all.

These are all remnant feelings and emotions from a full holiday season. The let down after the buildup to celebrating, seeing others, shopping, decorating, enjoying cookies and candy readily. Tomorrow a new year starts. Tomorrow normal starts again. The house will look bare, the lights outside will start to dim. Tomorrow is a new calendar with nothing written on it.

I am reminded of a quote by L.M.Montgomery in Ann of Green Gables, “Isn’t it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?”

So, welcome 2023! Give me your best, the good, the bad, the ugly. I am choosing to cling to Philippians 4:13, “ I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (NKJV) I will try to watch my attitude also.

When I wonder what to write

As I have written previously, the holiday season is a time of varied emotions, feelings, thoughts, and memories. These all can be jumbled up together leaving you feeling happy, sad, drained, filled,enthusiastic and tired. It’s all a weird mix and one that you can only decipher days later.

Our youngest and her family left today. The house is quiet. Dale is making bread, so the mixer is running in the background as is worship music. The quiet after the days filled with Mario Cart and Wii games can be daunting. Giggles from a 10 year old echo in my heart.

Memories were made. My mother’s heart refilled with hugs from my grandson and having my youngest with me. Life has been sweet and good.

Anytime my children leave to go home, I ache. I want to cry, but I know my daughters are right where they are supposed to be. I have prayed for their husbands all of my daughter’s lives. I leave them all in the Lord’s care, knowing He is the One who best knows them and understands them. He has a perfect plan for their lives.

But, it is hard to see their car drive down our street.

It started to rain this afternoon, which really didn’t help the gloomy feeling I have. Yet, I know God is my strength, my joy, my shelter and the One who gives me peace. To Him be all glory and honor.

Joy

20 “And he arose and came to his father. But when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him.” Luke 15:20 (NKJV)

Today this scripture came to mind. My youngest and her family are on their way up now. It has been too long since we have all been together.

Although I know that this daughter is not a prodigal, what struck me was the joy the father felt seeing his son come home.

I had never thought of this scripture from the parent’s point of view. I have only seen it as the forgiveness the son received.

This morning when we heard that today was the day they would be here (colds and yuckiness has kept them away), I immediately was excited. I looked around thinking of what I wanted to do first, bake? make soup? clean up? My mind raced in anticipation.

So, now they are only a couple hours away, hopefully not in traffic. I will need to velcro myself down so that I don’t stand at the window for the next few hours.

How excited that father in the scripture must have been. He had not seen his son in years and knew the life he was leading was not right. He ran to greet his son. I do know that feeling. When my girls arrive I am almost at the door of their vehicle before the engine stops.

I will be that way again later this afternoon. Anxious to throw my arms around my Little Man. God is so good. Today is really a Merry Christmas day for me.

Holiday Memories

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” Psalm 34:18 (NLT)

Yesterday at our Christmas day service, our pastor spoke on the “First Christmas”. Yes, he did mention the day, but he went on to talk about those whose day was the first Christmas without a loved one. I looked across the aisle and watched a young woman sitting there alone. Her husband died suddenly a couple of months ago. He was just a year older than my youngest daughter. My heart broke for her and yet in her eyes I saw a peace and strength that can only come from the Lord.

The other ‘first’ Christmas mentioned was for those whose health was not the same as it was a year ago, or the finances were not the same. Christmas amplifies changes in lives. The day is built around memories and times in the past that were different than the current state.

I cried through most of the sermon. Not because of any personal changes, but because the day often finds me teary eyed. I am a softy. I can cry at a song. Obviously, I can cry at a sermon. I cry when gifts are opened. I cry at cards from Dale. I’m a Christmas cryer.

The sermon also stirred up memories that I try to stuff deep down at this season. Christmas and New Years of 1966 was my first Christmas without my Mom. As I was 11, Christmas day was like any kid’s Christmas. My older sister made certain it was a Christmas to remember. I do. I remember most of the gifts I received that year. A new pair of ice skates that I didn’t have to rent any more. A new jacket, a book I often think about still. There were twelve board games under the tree. That was amazing! Christmas was a good one that year.

New Year’s Eve, though is what has made me dislike the holiday still. Each year I force memories of that evening deep down. New Year’s Eve going into 1967 found me in tears. I could not fathom a year without my Mom. No memories to make with her ever again. I didn’t think I would ever be the same.

In a way, I never was the same. But, as the scripture above says, God was near to my broken heart. He was there with my crushed spirit. Since that time, I have been renewed several times. My sisters and I grew. We flourished. We functioned. We accepted that death was a part of life. It was our normal.

Whenever I talk with my sisters about this, we have the same mind. Yes, it happened. Yes, we dealt with it. Yes, we are stronger for the experience.

Change happens. Bad change as well as good. We cannot dwell and continue to suffer the loss of loved ones, health, finances. We need to live in the present. To see what is happening now. To be blessed by the little things in life. To marvel at the cold winter days and glory in the heat of a winter sun.

“Once I was young, and now I am old. Yet I have never seen the godly abandoned or their children begging for bread.” Psalm 37:25 (NLT)

God is more than our sufficiency. He tends to us. He comforts us. He provides.

He provides even when memories stuffed away somehow make their way to the surface and come out in the form of tears.