Category: Faith

Spring

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in Just-
spring when the world is mud-
luscious the little
lame balloonman
whistles far and wee
and eddieandbill come
running from marbles and
piracies and it’s
spring
when the world is puddle-wonderful
the queer
old balloonman whistles
far and wee
and bettyandisbel come dancing
from hop-scotch and jump-rope and
it’s
spring
and
the
goat-footed
balloonMan whistles
far
and
wee e.e.cummings

I was introduced to this poem in fourth grade. I immediately fell in love with this poet who ignored conventional grammar. He even used lower case letters for his name. What’s not to love in that?

Since that year many, many years (okay decades) ago, I recite this poem in my mind each year. The words are delicious to me.

When we lived in San Diego there were only a few weeks of real spring. It was when the grasses were green and the poppies bloomed. Then everything returned to normal and most of the grass withered and it was dull.

Spring has been in our area for a while now. The yellow layer on everything outside, the hoarse cough I have all day long, the gummy eyes, the runny nose declares spring to my body. I dislike that part of spring, especially feeling like I am carrying a boulder on my chest with each step. Yes, that’s allergies.

My crocuses have bloomed and faded, the daffodils also. My hyacinths are mere shadows of what they were. The dogwood have shed their beautiful flower and now the leaves are taking over. The azaleas have been stunning this year, vibrant in pink, coral and white. Those blossoms, too, are shedding and soon all that will be is a green bush.

I woke up this morning to hearing rain. Lots of rain! “Ask the Lord for rain in the spring, for he makes the storm clouds. And he will send showers of rain so every field becomes a lush pasture.” Zechariah 10:1 (NLT) It was one of those days where the comfort and warmth of the bed and the gentle sound of raindrops tried to convince me not to get up.

I fought the desire to stay snuggled in my bed listening to the tranquil voice of nature. I walked to my windows and opened the curtains. The ground was saturated. The leaves shone with rain. Before me was a symphony of green. Light greens, yellow greens, dark waxy green all greeted me. Each spring I stand at my window amazed at the glorious creation in my front yard. After years of dullness, our Lord brought me into this harmony of trees, shrubs and flowers.

Surrounding my home today was my reminder of ee cummings. Thank you sir, for the words to describe my outdoors, mud-lucious, and puddle-wonderful. Thank you Lord for the spring rain.

A New Day

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This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NLT)

As I write this on Easter Monday, April 18th, my mind is filled with many thoughts.

First, the day after Jesus rose from the grave, I imagine the joy and smiles on the faces of those closest to Jesus here on earth. The feeling of dread and doom that had filled them was now replaced with wonder and expectation. What was next for these men and women? They had witnessed so much in three years and now another twist in their adventure with Jesus.

Forty five years ago this evening, Dale and I made a commitment to follow Jesus. We both knew Him, heard the sermons and felt like we were pretty good. Our marriage was not only on the rocks, it was wrecked. We argued most of the time and around 6:30 p.m. on this day, we decided that we would divorce. He would stay in Japan, obviously, and I determined that I would go to San Francisco with our dog and start over.

A half hour later saw one of us asking the other what the marriage needed. The answer, “A relationship with Jesus Christ”. These were words neither of us expected. But, we looked at one another, knowing it was the truth. We went to our bedroom, knelt down and prayed together. When we finished praying we looked at one another and we knew that something had changed. We looked with eyes of love, hope and commitment.

On April 19th, 1977 I woke up different. I still looked the same, I was still the same person, but there was a deep change within. I opened up the blinds in our bedroom and looked out. The same four quad-plex buildings surrounded the grassy courtyard, but it appeared the sun shone brighter. Everything was brighter. I felt cleansed, more clean than you feel after showering, it was a deep clean. I guess the way I felt is how your home looks after a deep cleaning. The house glistens. The floors are polished, the furniture dust free, the windows clear, and fresh smells abound. That is the way I felt on the 19th of April, 1977.

Like the disciples the day after Christ arose, I was filled with anticipation, expectation and joy.

 “Could it be any clearer? Our old way of life was nailed to the cross with Christ, a decisive end to that sin-miserable life—no longer captive to sin’s demands! What we believe is this: If we get included in Christ’s sin-conquering death, we also get included in his life-saving resurrection. We know that when Jesus was raised from the dead it was a signal of the end of death-as-the-end. Never again will death have the last word. When Jesus died, he took sin down with him, but alive he brings God down to us. From now on, think of it this way: Sin speaks a dead language that means nothing to you; God speaks your mother tongue, and you hang on every word. You are dead to sin and alive to God. That’s what Jesus did.

That means you must not give sin a vote in the way you conduct your lives. Don’t give it the time of day. Don’t even run little errands that are connected with that old way of life. Throw yourselves wholeheartedly and full-time—remember, you’ve been raised from the dead!—into God’s way of doing things. Sin can’t tell you how to live. After all, you’re not living under that old tyranny any longer. You’re living in the freedom of God. ” Romans 6:6-14 (MSG)

Have I looked at each day like that first? No, but when I stop and quiet myself I still recognize that difference. My whole being shouts to me to be expectant and anticipate what the Lord is going to do today. Each morning is filled with the promise and assurance that God is in control. Nothing is going to happen to me that will take God off of His throne of grace, He is not wringing His perfect hands in worry. He has a plan for my life and yours.

He is Risen Indeed!

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Christ the Lord is risen today; Christians, haste your vows to pay;
Offer ye your praises meet At the Paschal Victim’s feet.
For the sheep the Lamb hath bled, Sinless in the sinner’s stead;
“Christ is risen,” today we cry; Now He lives no more to die. ~

The week was horrendous, but Sunday is here. The women went to the tomb to anoint Jesus. They wondered how they would move the stone with the Roman seal on it. They really didn’t need to worry about that. The stone was blasted away by the power of a Living God.

“Jesus spoke to her, “Woman, why do you weep? Who are you looking for?”She, thinking that he was the gardener, said, “Sir, if you took him, tell me where you put him so I can care for him.”  Jesus said, “Mary.” Turning to face him, she said in Hebrew, “Rabboni!” meaning “Teacher!”  Jesus said, “Don’t cling to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father. Go to my brothers and tell them, ‘I ascend to my Father and your Father, my God and your God.’” John 20:15-17 (MSG)

I love these verses. Upon recognizing Him as Jesus, Mary grabs onto Him. Clinging to Him the way we cling to family members we haven’t seen in a while. He had to tell her to stop, because He still had to go to His Father.

How awesome it must have been to see a newly risen Jesus and to hold Him. I cannot wait until it is my turn to cling onto Him. To hear Him say Mary to me.

Today, I plan to honor this Resurrection Sunday. Christ is risen, He is risen Indeed.

Gone

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Death. It seems so final. The emptiness that echoes in your heart. The darkness that creeps on the edges of all you do. The hollow feeling that envelopes you.

Jesus was buried in a borrowed tomb. Out of fear, His tomb was sealed. Not only gone, but locked away.

Imagine what the disciples felt. Their friend. Their teacher. Their Lord. Gone and sealed off. Their feelings of desolation must have been indescribable.

“From then on Jesus began to tell his disciples plainly that it was necessary for him to go to Jerusalem, and that he would suffer many terrible things at the hands of the elders, the leading priests, and the teachers of religious law. He would be killed, but on the third day he would be raised from the dead.” Matthew 16:21 (NLT)

Having heard the above from Jesus, as humans we are sometimes slow to comprehend what we have heard when faced with tragedy. I think (and this is my opinion) that one of the disciples would remember this statement and share it, reminding others that there is hope. But, Jesus is full of surprises for us. I can’t imagine how the disciples got through those three days Jesus was in the tomb.

They thought He was lying in there dead, but, no, he was busy. “When I saw him, I fell at his feet as if I were dead. But he laid his right hand on me and said, “Don’t be afraid! I am the First and the Last.  I am the living one. I died, but look—I am alive forever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and the grave.” Revelation 1:17-18 (NLT)

Jesus was working, grabbing the keys to death and hell. I personally cannot wait to hear this story.

For Us, For Me

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“But he was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins.
He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed.  All of us, like sheep, have strayed away. We have left God’s paths to follow our own. Yet the Lord laid on him the sins of us all.” Isaiah 53:5-6 (NLT)

The end of this week we commemorate the events leading to Easter.

Jesus left Heaven and all of it’s glory to come to Earth. He did not have to do this. God the Father created this Earth, He (the Trinity) could have decided that they were done with this creation and with a word ended this whole thing. They decided differently,giving us a pure example of love in parenting, giving our children another try, God chose to send His Son to Earth, making a way for us to discover redemption and relationship.

Jesus came to earth as an infant. He was human, as we are. He cried as an infant, cut teeth, had childhood ailments, ear infections, fevers, colds, and flu. He skinned His knees, stubbed His toes, most likely got sunburned. He came to experience everything we do as humans.

He was human and God. This boggles my brain when I think of it. Have the power of God Almighty and yet choose to be human and restrained in these bodies. He didn’t do it grudgingly, He did it willingly. That humbles me.

On Thursday night we remember the Last Supper. Jesus brought his friends and followers together. He knew one would betray Him, and yet Jesus celebrated with this man. He broke bread with him, He included him. I couldn’t do that. If I knew someone was going to stab me in the back, I would keep that person at a distance and have no fellowship with them. Not Jesus, He feasted with Judas.

After the feast, Jesus went off to pray, His disciples slept off the meal, even after hearing that Jesus was going to be betrayed. What did Jesus pray? He prayed for us. He prayed for our protection. He prayed that we would continue in God. He thanked Father God for us, for me. (John 17)

When we have an appointment like a dentist or surgery there is a feeling of panic. We dread going. We ask for prayer. We warily approach the time of what we feel is going to cause us agony.

Not many of us go through what Jesus did. Yes, people around the world have been persecuted and martyred, but for the most part, we have no idea what that agony is like. We panic at the sound of a drill, or the sight of a needle.

Jesus knew. He knew what was about to happen. He knew He would be brought in front for a mock trial. He would be beaten. Not like what we see in movies, He was beaten, think about a piece of meat we have tenderized with a meat mallet. How that meat is stretched and mutilated. That is what Jesus did for us, for me.

That was just the beginning. He was crowned with thorns. Not those jiggers we get from roses or brush. Thorns long enough to piece through His skull. He did it for us. He did it for me.

We complain when we have to carry a bunch of groceries up stairs and we think it is so inconvenient and hard. Jesus carried His cross. With a pounding bloody head, and His flesh torn apart. He did it for us. He did it for me.

All of this sounds terrible. I know I haven’t begun to truly describe what He went through. After all of this, Jesus was nailed to a cross. His flesh, once more thrust with pain and agony. When we first went to Japan, we had an English language paper delivered to our home. One day, I opened the paper to see photos of several people crucified. Crucifixion was still allowable then. I stared at the photos in disbelief. They were gruesome and I was stunned. Jesus allowed Himself to be crucified, because of us, because of me.

“This is the kind of life you’ve been invited into, the kind of life Christ lived. He suffered everything that came his way so you would know that it could be done, and also know how to do it, step-by-step. He never did one thing wrong, Not once said anything amiss. They called him every name in the book and he said nothing back. He suffered in silence, content to let God set things right. He used his servant body to carry our sins to the Cross so we could be rid of sin, free to live the right way. His wounds became your healing. You were lost sheep with no idea who you were or where you were going. Now you’re named and kept for good by the Shepherd of your souls.” 1 Peter 2:21-25 (MSG)

Today I have had my mind filled with the sacrifice Jesus made for us, for me. Simply saying, ‘Thank You, Lord’ just isn’t making me feel better. I know He freely did all of that because of love. Forty-five years ago this Monday I asked Christ to come into my life and save me from my sins. I did this with Dale as we knelt beside our bed. There was no altar call or music leading us to the decision, it was our Lord, gently poking and prodding us to come to Him, freely. We did. The past forty five years I have tried to put into words what the remembrance of Christ’s death has meant to me. All I can say is He did it for us. He did it for ME.

Clementine

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“Run like a deer from the hunter, fly like a bird from the trapper!” Proverbs 6:5 (MSG)

Our daughter’s family has two dogs, Winston and Clementine. Winston is a mixed hound breed, very loving, docile, and the image of a loyal companion who sticks closer than a brother. He stays beside you and goes where you go.

Clementine is a mixed breed also. We can’t figure out what she is. Half gazelle, half dying for attention and full on lap dog if she could get away with it. She is a small bundle of energy and love.

This morning I let the dogs out to do their morning thing. I knew I was in trouble the moment I saw Clementine bound down the steps into the yard. She had spotted something and she was going to get it. She was halfway down the steps to the beach before I could get down the steps to the yard.

I hollered at her, I clapped my hands, I used my deep voice. I watched as she kept going. I finally got down to the lake and she was bounding down the shore, sniffing and following scents that only dogs can smell. She would occasionally stop, turn around and glance at me, but her instincts had taken over and she was on her own mission.

I tried to be upset with her, but, I couldn’t. She was having too much fun. She didn’t wander too far, as rocks blocked her path and she couldn’t jump over them. Reluctantly, she turned around and headed back. I told her to go to the house and without slowing down she bound up the steps (there are 65 steps leading down to the lake). Winston was beside me and I told him to head to the house. He lingered beside me, making certain I followed them.

Clementine after her jaunt

Clementine often reminds me of joy. She takes advantage to leap around and enjoy her freedom. She relishes a good run. She makes the most of moments to explore her surroundings. Her mixed breed is a combination of dogs who hunt, explore and run. She does what she was made to do.

“He makes me as surefooted as a deer, enabling me to stand on mountain heights.” Psalm 18:33 (NLT) I pray that I, too, can be like Clementine. Relishing each moment, exploring the possibilities, and feeling the freshness of each day with delight.

God’s Sense of Humor

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I have said that God has a sledge hammer sitting beside His throne which has my name on it. He picks it up on occasion to whop me across the head to get my attention. It usually works.

I have also said that I make God roll His eyes and groan a lot. He also laughs at my antics. I don’t do that on purpose, but I just know I am THAT child. The one you watch and chuckle and shake your head at. THAT one.

As I had mentioned earlier I had to have a procedure done this week. In the mid 90’s I was diagnosed with a tumor in my right breast. Before going to see a surgeon I had prayer from our pastor at a Friday night prayer meeting. It was a simple prayer, but an incredible healing. I could not move from my chair for about twenty minutes and I just kept giggling. A week later I went to the surgeon and told him that I had had prayer and that the Lord had healed me. The doctor did not believe me. He examined me to the point that I felt like he was counting my vertebrae from my front. He finally asked his nurse what she felt. She said scar tissue. At the time, I smiled at the doctor and said, I told you I was healed. Then I laughed all the way back to my office.

I have often been able to share this healing with others and each time I get excited. This week I had to have a biopsy on my right breast. A friend of mine reminded me that that one was healed miraculously and that God does not remove His healing. Throughout this whole situation, I have been very calm and peaceful. I didn’t even get nervous when I went in and had the biopsy. It was so cool, I watched it on the screen while it was happening.

So today I got the results. The first results came via My Chart. It was the reports from the radiologist and the doctor who read the results. I went to google to look up words. All was confusing. I handed my laptop over to my husband and he was equally confused. I decided to wait until I got a phone call before I said anything. I did not have to wait long as the phone rang within minutes of the email.

The result was benign with some scarring. Now, I know the scarring can mean many things, but to me, it was a reminder that God has healed me and He was recalling to mind that He lets us know when He has been in a situation. I like to think He is on His throne shaking His head at me and thinking, “I told you I would never leave you.”

How many instances in our lives do we fail to see God’s humor? I love that He made me smile today for several reasons.

Psalm 2:4a, “He who sits in the heavens shall laugh;” (NKJV) I know that is taken out of context, but I truly believe that God has joy in us and He does laugh and smile when He is working out His perfect plan for us.

Psalm 139

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I recently wrote about this psalm. It is a favorite of mine, although I truly didn’t understand it’s impact on me until a few years ago.

I have struggled most of my adult life with fear and insecurity. For people who know me, they do not believe I am an introvert. People can wear me out. After a few hours in a crowd I see faces and see mouths moving and it’s like I am in a tunnel where everything is echoing. Before retirement, Dale would have galas to attend and of course, I would be with him. I would usually spend the day preparing to go. Not fussing with makeup or hair, but talking to myself. I would give pep talks trying to boost my self-confidence. These were pointless, as I would have a melt down on the way to the event. My poor husband.

I would like to say that now, I can walk into a group of strangers and be perfectly fine. I can’t.

If I am teaching or speaking, I can do that just fine. That’s how I know it’s the Lord. I love speaking to groups of women. I love ministering to them. I am strong and bold and confident. Again, that is the Lord working in spite of me.

A few years ago, during a sleepless night, the Lord had me get up and read Psalm 139. As I was in the process of starting to write a Bible study, I thought it might be a good place to start. It was my favorite study of all. This psalm talks about who we are and how we were created. Our God formed our inward parts when there was not one day yet. He spoke into us the best of our parents and grandparents. Look at old family photos. Look closely and you will see yourself in some ways in them. We may have an aunt’s nose, your mother’s eyes, your uncle’s height. Or like me, you may have your father’s uni-brow. We are a compilation of our family. The Lord knit within us our sense of humor, our intelligence, our way of being us.

Our God knows us intimately well. He sings over us daily, songs of love. He knows when we lay down and when we rise. Our thoughts are before Him. We cannot escape His presence.

If we are that important to our Creator, who are we to question how we look, what we weigh, how we talk? We are His masterpiece.

“You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.” Psalm 139:16 (NLT)

Masks

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Psalm 139:14, “I will praise You for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Your works, and my soul knows very well.”

According to this scripture, we are God’s masterpiece. How many of us feel like we are full of awe, special? Unique? A masterpiece?

I can honestly say I don’t feel like a masterpiece often. I don’t feel like I am anything special or unique. I am just me. A long time work in progress.

In our daily life we don’t stop to think about being a creation of God. We were born, grew up, worked, retired (well, at least some of us). We live our lives. At work we put on our work face. We greet people, we go to meetings, we manage expectations, we have our work persona.

At home, we are more relaxed for the most part. Family sees you with your family face on. You can be angry, or frustrated. You can laugh freely. You can unwind.

At church we put on what we think to be our spiritual face. We say amen at the appropriate times, we sing, we greet one another with a sweet smile. We hide how we are truly feeling. A smile in a moment is wonderful, and then you are just looking at each other’s back. It can be safe.

Each of these are masks. We put them on. They become a part of us. We have control of each of these masks. But, when we are alone. In the car alone. Awake at night when everyone is sleeping. In your home by yourself, behind closed doors. This is when our masks come off. What do you see at these times? Do we see the workmanship of God reflected back at us? Do we even believe in those times that we are precious in the sight of God?

During these times, I believe, is when we are the closest to God. It is quiet, it is still, we are alone, with Him. Listen the next time, remove all the masks and hear what He may be saying to you.

Psalm 139

For the choir director: A psalm of David.

1 O Lord, you have examined my heart
    and know everything about me.
2 You know when I sit down or stand up.
    You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
3 You see me when I travel
    and when I rest at home.
    You know everything I do.
4 You know what I am going to say
    even before I say it, Lord.
5 You go before me and follow me.
    You place your hand of blessing on my head.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too great for me to understand!

7 I can never escape from your Spirit!
    I can never get away from your presence!
8 If I go up to heaven, you are there;
    if I go down to the grave,[a] you are there.
9 If I ride the wings of the morning,
    if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
    and your strength will support me.
11 I could ask the darkness to hide me
    and the light around me to become night—
12     but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
    Darkness and light are the same to you.

13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
    and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
    Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
    as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
16 You saw me before I was born.
    Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
    before a single day had passed.

17 How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
    They cannot be numbered!
18 I can’t even count them;
    they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
    you are still with me!

19 O God, if only you would destroy the wicked!
    Get out of my life, you murderers!
20 They blaspheme you;
    your enemies misuse your name.
21 O Lord, shouldn’t I hate those who hate you?
    Shouldn’t I despise those who oppose you?
22 Yes, I hate them with total hatred,
    for your enemies are my enemies.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 Point out anything in me that offends you,
    and lead me along the path of everlasting life. (NLT)

Where are you looking?

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The other day Dale and I went into town. On the way in, he looked out his window and said, “The sky is going gray again, the clouds are back.” Meanwhile, from the passenger side of the window I was looking at a pasture where cows were lazily munching on grass and enjoying the day under a bright blue sky dotted with wispy white clouds.

I looked out the other side of the car and commented that it truly does depend where you are looking. I further informed him that from my view it was a beautiful spring day. We laughed and agreed, that a day is defined depending on your view.

The same is true in life. Often I have viewed my life, my circumstances as gray, cloudy, lifeless and hopeless. In those times, taking a step forward was a chore. Breathing was a burden and seeing any light at the end of the tunnel was impossible. I lived like that for several years.

Finally one day, I opened up my drapes in my living room in San Diego and truly looked out at the world. Granted, it wasn’t a spectacular view, our yard in need of actually grass, instead of the few springs of grass between the rocks in the ground. The back yard view was much better. Looking past the freeway, in the distance was the Coronado Bay bridge. It’s blue paint shimmering in the sunlight. The water of the bay glistening in the sunlight. The sun and the beautiful fluffy clouds that dot the skyline. I breathed deeply and I felt relief after a long season of clouds.

Gray clouds are not always a meteorological condition. Clouds in our lives can come from nowhere. They are just there. It’s not always easy to open the curtains of our mind and see a new day full of hope. Not easy, but it can be possible. ” Jesus looked at them intently and said, “Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible.” Matthew 19:26 (NLT)

“The Word gave life to everything that was created,  and his life brought light to everyone.” John 1:4 (NLT) “Because of God’s tender mercy, the morning light from heaven is about to break upon us” Luke 1:78 (NLT)