Casting Crowns – The Refreshing of a Wild Rose

“How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me? ²How long shall I take counsel in my soul, Having sorrow in my heart daily? How long will my enemy be exalted over me?” Psalm 13:1-2 (NKJV)

This morning as I read Psalm 13, my mind wandered back to a time, when psalms of lament were a constant in my life. I suffered from depression for many years. They were hard years, and yet, looking back on them, I now see how much I grew in my faith and dependence in the Lord.

When living under a cloud and having daughters that needed my help, I struggled greatly to be present for them. I was in counseling and under a doctor’s care during that time. They were helpful, but, the brunt of the work and figuring it all out was on my shoulders. I knew then and know now, that in and of myself, I could do nothing about it. I was stuck in a mire of hopelessness and despondency. But, as Psalm 13 ends with,“But I have trusted in Your mercy; My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation. ⁶I will sing to the Lord, Because He has dealt bountifully with me.” Psalm 13:5-6 (NKJV)

I learned that even in the darkest times of my life, my God is there. He never shifts, never changes. He is the same today, yesterday and forever.

Shortly after reading this psalm today, a song started to play. It was the perfect summation of that time for me. It is how it resolved. It’s who I am.

Who Am I

Casting Crowns

“Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name, would care to feel my hurt?
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way for my ever wandering heart?

Not because of who I am, but because of what You’ve done
Not because of what I’ve done, but because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean (ocean), a vapor in the wind
Still, You hear me when I’m calling, Lord, You catch me when I’m falling
And You’ve told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again?
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain and calm the storm in me?

Not because of who I am, but because of what You’ve done
Not because of what I’ve done, but because of who You are

I am Yours, I am Yours, oh

Whom shall I fear? Whom shall I fear?
‘Cause I am Yours, I am Yours”

“Oh, I’ve heard a thousand stories of what they think You’re like
But I’ve heard the tender whisper of love in the dead of night
And You tell me that You’re pleased And that I am never alone

‘Cause You’re a Good, Good Father
It’s who You are, it’s who You are, it’s who You are
And I’m loved by You
It’s who I am, it’s who I am, it’s who I am” Good, Good Father~ Casting Crowns

When the lights go out for the night, when you lie in bed, getting comfortable, waiting for sleep to come. Suddenly a parade begins. The clanging cymbals, the beating drum, the kazoos blasting from obnoxious clowns and rest flees. It’s not an actual parade, it’s a screaming replay of everything you have tried to stifle. Fears become focused. Dread is creeping from it’s hiding places. Ridicule is throwing grotesque memories at you. Peace is gone. Sleep is being held at bay.

Your mind goes through each part of this parade. You struggle to gain containment of your thoughts. In times like these I begin to pray. I ask the Father to remove the lies and their cohorts. I endeavor to find the peace and calm I had before the lights were turned out.

It is times like these, when it feels like the world has tormented you and filled your mind with all sorts of thoughts and you feel alone in the night. Elijah the prophet felt the same, alone. He had, with the Lord’s help, destroyed the prophets of Baal and fled for his life, thinking his life was next to be destroyed. He traveled for 40 days and nights and came to cave in Mt Sinai. The Lord asked him what he was doing there. I Kings 19:10-13a, “Elijah replied, “I have zealously served the Lord God Almighty. But the people of Israel have broken their covenant with you, torn down your altars, and killed every one of your prophets. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me, too.”¹¹“Go out and stand before me on the mountain,” the Lord told him. And as Elijah stood there, the Lord passed by, and a mighty windstorm hit the mountain. It was such a terrible blast that the rocks were torn loose, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. ¹²And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper. ¹³When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave.” (NLT)

Sometimes when we pray, we expect earth shattering answers, filled with the drama like the old Bible movies where everyone is speaking in King James English. I have seen few answers to prayers that dramatic and I can say I never hear the Lord speaking to me in thee’s and thou’s.

In the dead of night when I call him, it is like a child calling out to a Father after a bad dream. The response is the same. A tender answer and an encouragement. The above song we sang today at church. It struck me, that our Heavenly Father will tell me He’s pleased with me and He loves me, just as I am.

“A father of the fatherless, a defender of widows, Is God in His holy habitation. ” Psalm 68:5 (NKJV) He is a good, good Father, it’s who He is.

Tag: Casting Crowns

It’s Who I Am

The Still Small Voice