Where are you looking?

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The other day Dale and I went into town. On the way in, he looked out his window and said, “The sky is going gray again, the clouds are back.” Meanwhile, from the passenger side of the window I was looking at a pasture where cows were lazily munching on grass and enjoying the day under a bright blue sky dotted with wispy white clouds.

I looked out the other side of the car and commented that it truly does depend where you are looking. I further informed him that from my view it was a beautiful spring day. We laughed and agreed, that a day is defined depending on your view.

The same is true in life. Often I have viewed my life, my circumstances as gray, cloudy, lifeless and hopeless. In those times, taking a step forward was a chore. Breathing was a burden and seeing any light at the end of the tunnel was impossible. I lived like that for several years.

Finally one day, I opened up my drapes in my living room in San Diego and truly looked out at the world. Granted, it wasn’t a spectacular view, our yard in need of actually grass, instead of the few springs of grass between the rocks in the ground. The back yard view was much better. Looking past the freeway, in the distance was the Coronado Bay bridge. It’s blue paint shimmering in the sunlight. The water of the bay glistening in the sunlight. The sun and the beautiful fluffy clouds that dot the skyline. I breathed deeply and I felt relief after a long season of clouds.

Gray clouds are not always a meteorological condition. Clouds in our lives can come from nowhere. They are just there. It’s not always easy to open the curtains of our mind and see a new day full of hope. Not easy, but it can be possible. ” Jesus looked at them intently and said, “Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible.” Matthew 19:26 (NLT)

“The Word gave life to everything that was created,  and his life brought light to everyone.” John 1:4 (NLT) “Because of God’s tender mercy, the morning light from heaven is about to break upon us” Luke 1:78 (NLT)

Anchored in the Rock

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Last week we took a trip to Looking Glass Falls in North Carolina. It was a beautifully sunny day, although the wind at times was brisk.

I took many photos of the falls, and then my eye caught sight of this tree.

This tree was literally growing out of the rock. The roots appeared glued into the rocks around it. It was at the edge of the water and was majestic.

“They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit.” Jeremiah 17:8 (NLT)

When I saw this tree, I thought of this verse. A tree planted by the water. It’s roots go down deep where we cannot see. It is fixed in it’s position. It withstands the wind and the rain and snow. It remains firm.

We need to remember where our roots are. Are they anchored in solid rock? Do we hold fast to the promises of God? Or, are our roots in shallow ground where they can be plucked away?

“On Christ the Solid Rock I stand, All other ground is sinking sand, All other ground is sinking sand.” This hymn is a declaration of how we should attempt to live. Anchored. Firmly Planted. Fixed. Healed.

The Zipper

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I was going into the fifth grade in the fall. I remember sitting at the kitchen table talking with my Dad. Our conversation was about an upcoming trip to Conneaut Lake Park. It was the first time I remember going to a park. We talked about the Blue Streak, a wooden roller coaster, and I decided I was going to love that ride. I did.

I love going to amusement parks, the higher and the faster the ride, the better. However, I dated a young man who wasn’t as keen on fast rides at the time. We went on a date to the Rocky Grove Fireman’s Fair, held in a neighboring city. We walked around and rode some tame rides, holding hands and being young and in love. Then, I saw a ride, The Zipper and suggested riding it. My life could have turned out entirely different, had my husband said no. He didn’t and it was one of his first wild ride. He hated it! He still talks about his dislike of that wonderful ride. (I guess I could say that ride is symbolic of our relationship, fun, wild and unexpected)

I thought of that ride last night. I knew I would write about it. I asked the Lord how that would relate to Him and this blog. Of course, I heard how it relates.

Our lives and this world are like that amusement park ride. We are rotating in a pattern and individually we are contained in our lives. Our lives continue like the earth, rotating yearly. But, during that year, we are spun around. Sometimes we feel like we are falling forward and we brace ourselves for what we see may happen. Other times we are twisted backward where the world seems topsy-turvy and we have no idea how to brace ourselves. We feel out of control. Unable to focus clearly, being held at bay and not able to escape. We may scream, we may laugh, but we know, like being in that ride, that it’s not over until it’s done.

Standing in a line at an amusement park you look at the ride you are waiting for. I confess that there have been a few that I look and question my sanity. There are some rides I look knowing how much fun it is going to be. That is how I often look at this life the Lord has given me. I can panic, I can scream for things to be over, and I can look at situations knowing the joy that will come from it.

Our God never leaves us. Isaiah 46:4 promises, “I will be your God throughout your lifetime— until your hair is white with age.
I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you.” (NLT)

Unopened Gifts

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A friend of mine gave me a book several years ago. It is called “God’s Guest List” by Debbie Macomber. In the first few pages the author tells a story of a person going to Heaven. She is met by St. Peter. He takes her on a tour of Heaven and she sees a door that is closed. She asks if she can see inside. He, at first declines, saying it is a storeroom. He reluctantly takes out a key and opens the door. Inside the room is a never ending view of beautifully wrapped gifts. She claps her hands in delight and asks if these were the gifts for those in Heaven. She sees her name on several gifts. She asks if she can open them. She is told no. St. Peter explains that these gifts were meant to be opened while she was alive. He further explains that all of the gifts in the room were returned to Heaven unopened. (The link to the book is above)

This image detailed in the book has made such an impact on me. I am a big kid inside. I love presents. I love to see them in bags with tissue paper peaking out of the top, I love presents wrapped with big bows on them. I am a child when I see them.

Years ago, when our dog was still with us, I had to come up with a solution at Christmas time. At that time we had real trees and our dog would get into the tree water and it would make him sick, each and every time. So, obviously our tree skirt would be filled with stinky stuff from both ends of the dog (if you know what I mean). In response to this, I started to wrap fake presents to put under the tree as we put up the tree. Then on Christmas Eve they would be replaced with the real presents. I still do this although the dog is no longer here with us and we have an artificial tree. I pick a theme each year and I love how put together it looks. My grandchildren volunteer to open them after Christmas. They say, even it they are empty, it’s still fun to unwrap them. I totally agree with this logic.

Seeing a present with your name on it brings joy and sometimes surprise. The story from the book hit me with a stark reality. Daily we receive gifts from our Heavenly Father. James 1:17 says, “ Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.” (NKJV)

Now, these gifts aren’t always noticeable to us. Some of the gifts we take for granted. A roof over our heads, transportation, heat, food, health, these seem like they are our right. They are gifts. How many other things do we take for granted? How many gifts do we each send back and are now stored?

I desire to look for these gifts and to be thankful for them, using them however I can.

God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another. I Peter 4:10 (NLT)

Sensei

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As a little girl I thought I would like to teach. Actually, I wanted to be a nun for many years . Obviously, that didn’t happen. Instead, I married a sailor and roamed around the world.

In 1977 we lived in Yokohama, Japan, a seaport city south of Tokyo. We lived in government quarters that were built during the occupation after WWII. Across the street from our home was the building that housed a department of the Army, actually a department of the U.S. Army Calvary, the veterinarians who served the community caring for the pets of the military personnel. They also inspected the food coming into the commissaries on the bases. I was hired on as a receptionist for the days the vets worked with the animals. I loved that job, my bosses were great fun and I loved seeing the animals, and yes, we did end up adopting a dog through my work.

Later that year, and in addition to working with the Army, I was honored to have a job as a teacher. I taught in a private school in Kita Kamakura . The school operated in the evenings. I taught on Thursday and Friday evenings and once a month on Saturdays. It was a fascinating time.

Shoes were not permitted in the classroom, so the teachers had their own area to remove their shoes and put on the slippers to move around the classes. On cold and rainy days the secretary of the school would meet me with a cup of hot tea. Always welcome after a train ride.

I had an interpreter who would translate what I said to the students. When the kids arrived in the classroom they would bow deeply and greet me as Sensei (teacher). I would then read out of a reader and the kids would repeat after me. Although the nights were long, I so enjoyed seeing the kids. I taught a couple of my classes how to write in cursive and sing American songs. I always left with a smile of my face.

I learned so much from those times in the classroom. First that Japanese children were the same as I was as a student. The girls would play the hand-clapping games and sing song to them. They would play cat’s cradle. The boys would fold paper and play football. It was a typical classroom. I still have pictures from my students that they drew one night the interpreter was not able to make it and I wasn’t able to convey what to do. If I arrived a minute late, there would be a caricature of me on the blackboard.

I often think of my students and wonder what they are doing. They all have grown, and have families. I still carry them in my heart. They helped to make me who I am today.

I tend to think that the joy I had watching them in class is similar to the joy the Lord has in watching us. I assume that God tends to shake His head at me consistently. I think He laughs often at me.

“The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go, both now and forever.” Psalm 121:8

Never Alone

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I was given a devotional three years ago by a dear friend. I have read it daily since. On Valentine’s Day I read the following, I know when it was because I wrote down the date of the reading. “We cannot see the path. We do not know what the future holds. But no, we are not alone” Max Lucado

How often do we feel alone? As a child I felt like I was the odd one out. Like I didn’t quite fit. That feeling followed me most of my life. Traveling as we did in the military the awareness of loneliness presented itself with each move to a different area. I loved being inside my home, and when I went out to work I would think I would feel much more secure sitting in my home than venturing out to the world. Of course, once I was at work I was fine. I enjoyed my jobs and liked the people I worked with (for the most part).

Loneliness hits us at the oddest times. We don’t have to be alone to feel lonely. We can be in a crowd and still feel alone. It’s strange like that.

In the times where I picture myself standing off, alone, and silent while watching others interact and conversing, I physically remind myself that I am not alone. The Lord is right beside me. He cares for me. He knows me.

Isaiah 49: 16a says, “See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands” (NKJV)

We are inscribed on His hands. According to Merriam-Webster, the definition of inscribe is: to write, engrave, or print as a lasting record or to dedicate to someone. Daily we see tattoos on people. If asked about the ink on them, there is always a story they want to remember, an event or a person they want to honor. We are inscribed on the hands of God. He wants to have us engraved on Him. We are never alone.

“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

A Case of the What If’s

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I watched Little Shop of Horrors once. All I can remember is the plant singing for Seymour to feed him. I recall Rick Moranis’ character dreading going near the plant knowing there would be a demand for a feeding. He knew he would do something he would not want to do

Similarly waiting in a dentist’s office, hearing the drill going in the next room, knowing you are next. It will be your turn to sit in that chair. Your turn to hear that drill start up. It’s not a pleasant feeling.

Today I sat in a waiting room. It was for that appointment women dread. Their turn with the torture machine. It is in that waiting room where cases of the “What if’s” are birthed. The room was not filled, and it truly is a pleasant room to sit in. Comfortable chairs and couches fill the room. A waterfall peacefully spills down a wall. Music from my youth is now chosen as the ‘elevator’ music that quietly plays in the background.

I always think of the 23rd Psalm while sitting there. Verses 2 and 3 somehow come to mind whenever I see a waterfall. “He lets me rest in green meadows; He leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strength.”(NLT) Although looking around the room I see faces strained with worry and fear. Fear and anxiety in these circumstances can be contagious, it is the nature of the beast.

I do tend to not enjoy these times, but I know well that the Lord heals in these circumstances. I have experienced such healing. I sit in those rooms reminding myself of the healing and thanking God that He is in control of all areas of my life.

I remind myself of the what if’s. What if they find something? They find something, nothing you can do to change that. What if they need to do further testing? Would I rather know than wonder? What if it is cancer? Well, the last I recall the C in Christ is more powerful than the C in cancer.

What if’s can infiltrate your mind, causing unrest and panic. We do not serve a God of panic. Zephaniah 3:17 says, “The Lord your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness,
He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.” (NKJV)

If the God who created us knows the number of hairs on our head, He knows what the ‘what if’s’ in your life are. He does not sit on His throne of Grace wringing His hands wondering what to do next. No, He knows the plans for our lives. “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11 (NLT)

I choose to give my what if’s to my Lord. He can deal with them better than I can.

Roses, Dandelions and Purpose

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In San Diego our yard was rock with a few grains of sand in between. Nothing grew in it. We had grass for a few months which turned to dirt and dust by late spring. Growing up in lush northwestern Pennsylvania where the greens were deep and fragrant, the lack of yard was distressing to me. Much of our property was filled with decking, so after many years I started to grow roses in containers on my deck. They were my joy and a pop of color. My husband loves red roses, so I had one of those. I love pink roses, my oldest likes white roses, and my youngest at the time loved yellow roses. I had a rose bush for each of us. I planted a mini rosebush and it flourished in the container. I prayed for each person while I watered the plant . It was my quiet time and my time to connect with something growing. I loved my deck garden, it was filled with many plants besides the roses. Here, my roses are delights for our resident deer. I see them start to bloom and the next day, they are gone, leaves, buds, thorns, all gone. I have once more started container roses so I can enjoy them. I place them on my front porch. I figure if deer want to climb the steps to the roses, then they are welcome to have them. So far, so good.

Last week I went outside and saw my first dandelion of the year. I know, to many they are a reason to grumble. Living rural as we do, dandelions are free to bloom. I smile when I see dandelions. I want to pick them. Yes, inside me hides a five year old girl.

Dandelions are the military child’s flower. They were designated that as dandelions grow everywhere. We had them in our yard in Norfolk, in Yokohama, Japan and in Nagai, Japan. Our yard was filled with them in Bangor, Me and Winter Harbor, Me. They even flourished in the rocky soil in San Diego. Dandelions represent military children because they too, flourish all over the world. I love that illustration.

Reflecting on the dandelion and the rose I wondered what the lesson would be. Roses are normally planted in a garden. In a row. They are orderly and beautiful. The fragrance is lovely, and they make gorgeous arrangements. They have their place and they grow in their boundaries.

Dandelions grow anywhere they can. The only dandelion bouquets you display come from the grimy hands of a young child who had pulled the dandelions up with their roots. The face of the child is what makes the dandelions precious.

In serving the Lord should we be roses or dandelions? Do we present our life in a crystal vase filled with roses and baby’s breath, or do we present ourselves with our roots showing, dandelions wilting and grimy hands and faces?

 “Remember: A stingy planter gets a stingy crop; a lavish planter gets a lavish crop. I want each of you to take plenty of time to think it over, and make up your own mind what you will give. That will protect you against sob stories and arm-twisting. God loves it when the giver delights in the giving.” II Corinthians 9:6-7 (the Message)

The Still Small Voice

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“Oh, I’ve heard a thousand stories of what they think You’re like
But I’ve heard the tender whisper of love in the dead of night
And You tell me that You’re pleased And that I am never alone

‘Cause You’re a Good, Good Father
It’s who You are, it’s who You are, it’s who You are
And I’m loved by You
It’s who I am, it’s who I am, it’s who I am” Good, Good Father~ Casting Crowns

When the lights go out for the night, when you lie in bed, getting comfortable, waiting for sleep to come. Suddenly a parade begins. The clanging cymbals, the beating drum, the kazoos blasting from obnoxious clowns and rest flees. It’s not an actual parade, it’s a screaming replay of everything you have tried to stifle. Fears become focused. Dread is creeping from it’s hiding places. Ridicule is throwing grotesque memories at you. Peace is gone. Sleep is being held at bay.

Your mind goes through each part of this parade. You struggle to gain containment of your thoughts. In times like these I begin to pray. I ask the Father to remove the lies and their cohorts. I endeavor to find the peace and calm I had before the lights were turned out.

It is times like these, when it feels like the world has tormented you and filled your mind with all sorts of thoughts and you feel alone in the night. Elijah the prophet felt the same, alone. He had, with the Lord’s help, destroyed the prophets of Baal and fled for his life, thinking his life was next to be destroyed. He traveled for 40 days and nights and came to cave in Mt Sinai. The Lord asked him what he was doing there. I Kings 19:10-13a, “ Elijah replied, “I have zealously served the Lord God Almighty. But the people of Israel have broken their covenant with you, torn down your altars, and killed every one of your prophets. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me, too.”11 “Go out and stand before me on the mountain,” the Lord told him. And as Elijah stood there, the Lord passed by, and a mighty windstorm hit the mountain. It was such a terrible blast that the rocks were torn loose, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. 12 And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper. 13 When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave.” (NLT)

Sometimes when we pray, we expect earth shattering answers, filled with the drama like the old Bible movies where everyone is speaking in King James English. I have seen few answers to prayers that dramatic and I can say I never hear the Lord speaking to me in thee’s and thou’s.

In the dead of night when I call him, it is like a child calling out to a Father after a bad dream. The response is the same. A tender answer and an encouragement. The above song we sang today at church. It struck me, that our Heavenly Father will tell me He’s pleased with me and He loves me, just as I am.

“A father of the fatherless, a defender of widows, Is God in His holy habitation. ” Psalm 68:5 (NKJV) He is a good, good Father, it’s who He is.

What Do You See?

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For years I avoided looking into a mirror. I didn’t want to see myself. I knew I would pick out all my flaws. I know that’s a common thing. We think our nose is lopsided, our teeth not white enough, or straight enough, blemishes, age spots, uni-brow and that’s just the face! Our bodies do the same thing. We aren’t blessed with six packs. I always see my spare tire and my furniture disease, you know, when your chest falls into your drawers. I’d like to say I am getting better at looking in the mirror, but, honestly I still make faces at myself and tug at the extra inches I have accumulated.

What do I see when looking into the mirror? A senior citizen, (when did that happen?), gray hair, wrinkles, jowls. I also see hands that have loved and cleaned a lot. I see a shorter stature from 10 years ago. I see me.

I read today in 1 Samuel 16:7, when the Lord sent Samuel to anoint a king in Saul’s stead, “But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God does not see as man sees, since man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (NASB)

What we see isn’t what God sees. We see our outward flaws. We know our thoughts and frustrations. We see our failures, our deficiencies. We see how we aren’t living up to our own personal standards. We are not looking through the eyes of God.

In 1988, Ray Boltz released a song called Shepherd Boy. It expresses the the above verse in song. The lyrics go like this, ” But when others see a shepherd boy God may see a king Even though your life seems filled
With ordinary things In just a moment He can touch you And everything will change When others see a shepherd boy God may see a king”

We were each created to do mighty things in the Lord. We aren’t all called to preach, teach or perform miracles, but we are called to do what we were created to do. I have struggled with this. I desired to do great things for God. What I have gleaned in the passing years is that a smile, a compliment, a hug may be someone else’s miracle. We are each a person inside that the world does not see. We can’t even see it. God does. He knows us intimately well. He sees His masterpiece.

Our challenge is allowing God to show us His reflection when we look into a mirror. To see what God sees when He looks at us.

I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well. Psalm 139:14 (NKJV)