Just Plain Ugly

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As parents we have all had a day with a child who is just plain ugly. They whine, they scream, they cry. They cry if you say yes. They cry if you say no. They’re just plain ugly. We all get days like that, it’s not reserved just for toddlers.

This past Saturday was such a day for me. Most days I can see the Lord very easily in my life. Saturday, although I knew the Lord was with me, I was still just plain ugly.

When I have days like that I know what I’m supposed to do. After 67 years of life I know how to avoid the day getting away from me. First of all, I avoid talking to people. That includes my husband. I will have gentle conversations and then leave him alone. I also go on walks which causes me to unwind relax and talk with the Lord. This Saturday nothing was working. My poor husband, was the brunt of my frustration. I think he earned a halo that day living with me. I did attempt to walk, but I was muttering the entire time. If God wanted to speak to me, He couldn’t have gotten word in for my muttering.

On days like that, when I am out of sorts, I usually clean. I will start a task that I’ve been putting off and put my whole self into it. Or, I will make a delicious dinner that takes many steps to complete. I’ve also been known to bake on days like that. All of these things came to mind but, I couldn’t accomplish any of them. I can’t even tie my shoes at the moment. All of the frustration hit me on Saturday. I was not pleasant.

I woke up Sunday morning and apologized profusely to my husband. I confessed to him that I was just ugly. With the patience of Job, he looked at me and told me it was okay. He reassured me that it was all right to be out of sorts. I had already asked the Lord for forgiveness on Saturday night.

I share this day with you because too often as Christians we show the good side only. We like to reveal ourselves as someone who is constantly in touch with our Lord. We like to project an image that we are always filled with praise, grace, and worship of God. The image that we try to do, myself included, is to look like we are at peace at all times; nothing ruffles our feathers. We are all human, I am human. That means that frustration is going to get to us. What I was reminded of on Saturday in my foggy thinking, in between yelling at the littlest things, was that God was still there. He might not have been able to get a word in edgewise, but that did not make Him walk away from me. I’ve learned long ago that our God is a God that stays. He is with me in trials and tribulations and broken arms. He does not move. We as humans are the ones who move away from Him. Saturday I was that toddler. I was the one sitting in the corner stomping my feet, throwing toys, screaming, whining, and crying. I was not pretty. Had I just stopped for a moment, I would have realized that behind me in that corner was my Lord who was trying to wrap His perfect arms of love and peace around me. Had I been quiet I would have heard Him say to me, “peace, be still”. It is said that hindsight is 20/20. I realized when my eyes opened Sunday morning that hindsight is 20/20. Had I stopped even for a few minutes to calm down, to relax, and be still I would have realized what was going on.

In the New Living Ttranslation, John 16:33 states; “I have told you all of this so that you may have peace in me. Here on Earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” Our Lord has overcome the world and because of that we can overcome the trials and tribulations that we encounter. This arm sling is a season of my life. Yes, I do get frustrated when I can’t tie my shoes, can’t shower, or fix meals. I know there is much for me to learn during this season. There is a sign for a church in the area and it says “there can be no testimony without the test”. I’ve wanted this blog to show the real me. Am I proud of the way I acted on Saturday? Absolutely not. Have I learned something from my behavior on Saturday? Definitely!

This I’ve been reminded of, my Lord walks with me daily. He’s the one that prevented me from falling on a piece of granite that is in our yard. I landed on soft grass. He’s the one who has directed physicians and made appointments for me. He’s going to be with me throughout the rest of this season. I pray I can be open to hear, to listen, to rest and be calm. Thank you for prayers as I know many of you are praying for me.

Miriam

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Those of us who have siblings, have sometimes felt like we are living in their shadow. The story of Miriam in the Bible is like that. She grew up and lived in the shadows of her brothers Moses and Aaron.

Little is recorded of Miriam’s life in the Bible, but the impact she had on the lives of her brothers and the example that she gave us is a legacy. We often see in Scripture that Miriam was in the background being a supportive role in many ways. We learned many things from Miriam’s life. She had the courage and the boldness to go up to Pharaoh’s daughter and asked if she would like her to find someone to nurse the baby. By doing that with such boldness Miriam was able to have her brother Moses around her until he was weaned. She showed courage and boldness in a young age by being able to do this.

Like myself, Miriam was a woman. She was like women are today. She woke up and did chores, cleaned out her home and later her tent. She most likely raised a family. She was a sister to her brothers. She took care of them and they took care of her. She got impatient with our lord. She was just like a woman today. Not many scriptures are about her but she is hovering in the background but not mentioned.

Miriam was introduced matter of factly in Bible. The story of Moses being hidden in the bull rushes it just simply states his sister stood afar off. She did not have the center stage, no lights beaming down on her she was there. She was faithful, loving and courageous. At the end of her life she is again mention matter of factly. The scripture says Miriam died there and she was buried. There is no mention of people mourning her her passing. I am certain her family and close friends mourned her passing but it’s not mentioned clearly in the Bible. Simply that she died and was buried. Yet, she is prominent. We learn about her in the bible. We read about her. She isn’t as big as Moses or Aaron. She isn’t like a Paul or Peter. She left a legacy of faith.

Her lesson is a simple one an individual as we all are. Each of us will leave our own legacy. One day we will be an ancestor. We will be from the past. We will be that faded memories from stories told. We may not be doing anything earth-chattering right now. We may never have done anything earth-shattering. Most likely those of us who are here or are reading my blog won’t be mentioned in history books. There will be no historical marker that said so and so lived here or slept here. We are just individuals who live our lives.

What we can learn from Miriam is love which she had for her brothers and for her family. Loyalty which she had toward her brothers it is shown as she went through the desert with them. Courage is something we learned from Miriam we saw that when she was first mentioned when she approached Pharaoh’s daughter hoping to protect her baby brother. Miriam was patient she praised God for victories, she led a worship service for the women after they crossed the Red Sea. She was like us also and taught us the consequences for backbiting complaining and gossiping. She was struck with leprosy. But the Lord healed her. So she also taught us about forgiveness.

Our Father in heaven has gifted us with different gifts. We each have something that we hold dear. Everyone can make the same meal and if we all serve the same thing like in a potluck setting, the same food would taste differently. Each dish each would be unique and different. That is what we are to the Lord we are each unique and different.

Every one of us will leave a legacy that others can learn from. What will your legacy be?

An Example

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“Point your kids in the right direction-when they’re old they won’t be lost.” Proverbs 22:6 the message

My younger sister retired this week. She was a teacher for the greater part of her life. Honestly she has always been a teacher. Teachers are born. There is an innate gifting within teachers that are with them from the time they can talk I believe. I’ve always admired the profession my sister chose and she was good at it.

I was a teacher’s aide for a year and I loved each part of it. At the beginning of the year I considered going back to school so that I could become a teacher. The teacher I work with asked me to give a spelling test and I gladly obliged. But I found that the mom in me was much stronger than the teacher in me. I basically mouthed each letter of each word in the spelling test. None of the students got any of the answers wrong. It was then that I realized I was not a teacher.

Teaching is a gift. As parents we do teach our children. We teach them how to eat, how to walk, how to speak. We reinforce what they learn in schools. But there are those who are chosen to be teachers and I have known a few. I admire them and respect them, especially my younger sister. She has taught many many students over the years. Some she taught for two years as she taught a younger grade and then years later moved to an older grade and had the same round of students. She has touched lives in ways that they will always remember. How often do we think back to our own teachers? I had favorite teachers and I had some teachers that really scared me. The students, the people who the grown ups now who had my sister will fondly remember her. I don’t question that. She instilled in them a truth, faith, and the things that are taught from books. She also, I know, taught them several things that are never found in books. These are the things that these people were carry on in their lives. This will be what they teach their children. She will have inspired a generation. I stand in awe of what she has accomplished with her life.

So, congratulations to my sister. Enjoy your retirement I know now that it is summer and it is like every other year you finish school. Wait until August and September though and there’ll be no more Monday mornings that you have to scramble to get out the door. Have fun in this new adventure.

Remember

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“When I remember you on my bed I meditate on you in the night watches.” Psalm 63:6 new King James version

Last night was one of those nights. We all have them. Sometimes we have them several times a week. I haven’t had one in a few weeks. Last night was an exception though. It was a night that I felt like my sleep shirt was made of burlap, the sheets were fiberglass and I was laying on a thin piece of plywood on top of an ant hill, nothing worked.

I got up several times before Dale went to bed and he patiently adjusted everything for me; the sling, putting biofreeze on me, whatever I needed he patiently was there. Finally I got up and had a cup of tea. That seemed to help a little bit. I went back to bed and laid there hoping to fall asleep.

Soon the parade wanted to start. You know that parade the “what if ” parade. The parade where ridiculous thoughts fill your head that never appear any other time except in the middle of the night.

It was then that I thought, ‘remember Cathi, remember all the good things in your life and do not watch the what if parade’. According to the website Knowing Jesus the word remember has 253 occurrences in 12 different translations that’s an awful lot of times to read the word remember. If the word remember occurs so often in the bible, there must be a reason for it. My belief is that the Lord wants us to remember. He wants us to remember the good times, the blessings, and the times we might have tripped or stumbled but he was there to catch us. I spent the rest of the night remembering. Eventually, I drifted off to sleep, wrapped in the arms of memories. Today, remember in your own life what the Lord has done for you, brought You through, and is getting you through current situations. Our God is a good God, He wants us to remember that.

Pizza and a pick-me-up

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“So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing”. First Thessalonians 5:11 New living translation

Dale left around 11:30 today. He had an appointment with a friend for lunch. I was settling in for some time on my own. Shortly after Dale left the doorbell rang. I actually thought he had forgotten something and had returned to get whatever he had forgotten.

I went to the door and was surprised to see a couple from the church. They were holding a pizza bag like a delivery man. I was so surprised and immediately was lifted up in my spirit with happiness.

To say I was blessed is an understatement really. It was a surprise like a surprise package. We were able to sit and visit for a while and it cheered my day up immensely.

A good father will bring his children surprises and presents to cheer them up. He will do this even when the person is feeling okay. Our heavenly Father brought me this surprise package today. This couple brightened my day more than they realize. The pizza was good but the friendship is much better.

I was reminded that little things mean so much to people. We often think that we have to make a grand gesture in order to make a presence in someone’s life. I know I am guilty of this. It’s the little things that matter. We read that often and we hear that often. It’s truth. A kind word, a smile a gentle hug. These things can make someone’s day, month or even their year. I need to be reminded to take the time to do some little things for people because those are the times that other people need the most.

Thank you to Robin and Phil you made my day. I will remember this as a gentle hug from our Lord just you being obedient and bringing me a supreme pizza.

New Discoveries

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“For I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength”. Philippians 4: 13 (NLT)

I had thought that I would wait until next week to write again. But, I believe the Lord had a different idea for me. So, I will attempt to write a post right now.

Although it is only been 3 days since I fell I have come to to realize many things that I have taken for granted. First of all a friend yesterday, suggested that since my dominant hand is not of any use at the moment, that I color in a child’s coloring book. I colored my first picture left-handed last night and came to two discoveries about this. First, I need to buy new crayons for my grandchildren. The ones that are in the little crayon box are worthless. Secondly, I learned that when you were coloring with a less dominant hand the habit of your tongue sticking out to help you color comes into effect again. I felt like a first grader or kindergartener trying to color in the pictures with my tongue out to the side for balance.

Now that I have gotten major discoveries out of the way I want to share with you what I have felt the Lord speaking to me during the past few days. One of the things that I realized almost immediately after the shock of the fall(which was a great fall by the way) was that I did not think of myself beside the initial ‘ouch! that hurts’. I found that I felt the presence of the Lord in a mighty way and it was a peaceful feeling for me. The Lord is with us no matter what. He is in our ups and our downs yes that was tongue in cheek. Although this fall has made things change and shift for Dale and I, it has not moved God off of his throne. I used to give my oldest daughter the scripture Philippians 4:13 often, she would use it as her life verse and still does, I believe. It came to me that I too need to lean on this scripture I may not be able to do everything that I did last week. But that doesn’t mean that I am useless or helpless. I’m grateful for all the prayers of friends, family, church people and the people who read this blog who may not even know me personally. I have felt the presence of your prayers, the encouragement of your prayers, and the love that has been poured into these prayers. Our God is a good God He has given me a sense of humor and I have laughed several times this week at the antics of functioning with one hand.

It has always been my goal that if something major were to happen to me that I would not look in agony at myself, but that I would be able to share the glory of God throughout my experience. Granted, this is not life-threatening, it is not something that will alter my life forever, it’s an inconvenience but even in this I want to praise God in all things.

I have been blessed this week with gifts of food, prayers and people saying that they missed reading my blog. That is something I did not expect and it has ministered to my heart in ways I cannot even describe. Thank you to all of you who have stood by me, encouraged me, love me and cheered me on I’m going to attempt to write. It may not be daily but I am going to try to attempt to write often throughout this process.

This will be a different manner for me but I know in the Lord I can do all things.

How has your Monday gone?

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My day started out wonderful. I was helping Dale with the yard work. I fell. Below is a picture of my current situation. I cannot write or type I have to keep still I will try to post as I can when I figure out completely how to do this via the speaker. I will keep it keep you updated. The Lord is in control. He has my life and his hands and none of this has taken him by surprise. Of course, it has taken me by surprise! I will write soon thank you to those of you who have been so supportive in Reading I will try to be on task thank you.

Fumble Fingers

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“For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb.
 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.” Psalm 139:13-14 (NKJV)

This is just one of my favorite verses. I try to remind myself of this verse daily. I have a hopeless case of comparison-itis. Yes, I just made up that word.

I read works from others, and some I personally know and I sit in awe of the way they express themselves. If I allow myself, I can become discouraged. I question if I am truly hearing from the Lord to write or if I am just doing an exercise for myself. (Just being truthful here, not needing encouragement)

Each morning I read a devotion from Max Lucado. He has such a wonderful way of expressing himself and drawing me into the Lord for the day. I am thankful for this little book of his.

As I read this morning the above thoughts came to mind. I wondered like I mentioned above if there was anyone I had touched like Mr. Lucado touches me with his words. (Again, just being truthful here.)

I know the Lord has called me to do what I am doing. I am excited to see how He is prospering my attempt to share good things about Him. It has been fun for me. I began to talk myself out of the comparison-itis and was feeling very positive, almost like I was confident in MY ability.

I messaged a friend today and I inadvertently hit several keys without realizing it and the message was a mess. The recipient will most likely look at it and wonder if I had been drinking this morning or maybe I am not mentally intact.

In this day when we text and get ‘fat fingers’ we understand goofs in messages and texts. My friends are well aware of my problem with fat fingers. But, although I am fearfully and wonderfully made, my problem isn’t just fat fingers. I had a memory come to me of why I think I am fumbled fingered. Years ago I applied for a job while stationed in Japan. It was for the headquarters of the command as a typist for their legal department. I went in, interviewed, and started the typing test. I sat, corrected my posture, placed my fingers on the keys and typed what was before me. I had great time. I ripped the paper out of the typewriter (which by the way is a great feeling) and turned it in. I was thanked for the interview and was told that I would hear in a few days.

The position was for a GS-9, a government position. My GS rating had expired while overseas. Dale later talked with the man who interviewed me. The man relayed that a current rating applied after I had and since their rating was active, they were hired. At the end of the conversation the man told Dale that my typing test was all wrong. I had placed my fingers on the wrong keys to start the test and my score was negative 180 words. I have always had fat fingers. They were actually going to hire me except for the person with the current rating.

Comparison-itis can be fatal. Fortunately, that one test stands out to me often. I failed miserably, yet, they were going to hire me. Comparing ourselves to others is like questioning if the Lord actually did create each of us in a wonderful and fearful manner. We are looking at the giftings and abilities of others and wonder why we can’t be like them. We will never be like ‘them’, simply because we are NOT them.

Yes, I may make typing errors often. My sentence structure may be off. I may not be as deep spiritually as I would like. I know, though, that God uses us when we are willing to be used. He uses broken vessels and those of us with fumbled fingers.

Distant friends

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“Good news from far away is like cold water to the thirsty” Proverbs 25:25 (NLT).

I have a friend I have never met face to face. This used to be uncommon, but now with social media it has become normal. We all join groups of interest and through these groups attachments are formed when we recognize a kindred spirit. I find this fascinating. You can talk with someone from a different state or a different country and it’s as easy as talking with someone you grew up with.

Today I heard from such a friend. I had messaged her and it is sometimes days before she can get a minute to respond. Of course, she often waits for me to respond also. There is an understanding that we will answer when we have a few minutes where we can answer completely, and also inquire how the other is doing. I love that.

When I saw that she was online and answering my heart smiled. The scripture above came to mind, as hearing from her is like a refreshing drink of water. We share news of family and health. We ask about our spouses. Most of all, we share prayer requests. She prays for me and I pray for her. We share what’s on our mind, the only thing truly missing is a cup of coffee and a table to sit across from each other.

Someday I hope to meet her face to face. I hope to hug her and pray for her directly. She has been a gift to me. Philippians 1:3, sums it up for me, “ I thank my God upon every remembrance of you,”

Someday friends will all be gathered together, we will stand side by side worshiping our Lord. We will praise Him for who He is, we will praise Him for His grace, mercy and forgiveness. We will praise Him for giving us gifts of love in friendships. Together, those we have never met, and those who are with us daily, will be united.

Heritage

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“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.” Psalm 127:3 (NLT)

I have two grandchildren. A young man about to turn ten and a little girl who will turn eight on her next birthday.

Our grandson recently finished fourth grade. He is home-schooled and has excelled under the tutelage of our daughter, who is an accomplished teacher. Our youngest daughter recently posted pictures for the end of fourth grade, they were precious (of course they were, I’m Grammy) . They showed aspects of the school year including a video of him playing a piece on the piano.

Our granddaughter is still in school. She has two more weeks of first grade. She is also an incredible student. She is caring and giving and quick to learn anything. She is like a sponge and will talk to you about what all she is learning. I love to hear her read to me and she is teaching herself cursive under the watchful eye of our oldest daughter.

As I have thought about our grands today, I have felt beyond blessed. These children are excelling. They love the Lord and crave to know more about Him. Their parents guide and direct them.

These kids are my heritage. I look at my daughters and wonder how they became outstanding adults, knowing how many times I faltered and missed opportunities to teach them. Like most Moms I remember the seasons of frustration and anger. The times when I yelled to go to sleep instead of comforting them and lovingly tucking them in. I know I personally dwell on my shortcomings as a parent, but obviously I did something right since my daughters shine as Moms.

Now, their children have my heart. To see them grow, to see their smiles, and hear of their accomplishments is a gift to me. They are precious gifts given to me by our Lord and my kids.

Ten years ago as we were awaiting the birth of our grandson, I looked at my husband and said, “I may not have been the greatest Mom, but I think I was born to be a grandmother”. Grammy is the best name I have ever been called.