Category: Memories

My Little Town

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“In my little town I grew up believing God keeps his eye on us all
And He used to lean upon me As I pledged allegiance to the wall
Lord, I recall My little town …. Everything’s the same Back in my little town Nothing but the dead and dying Back in my little town” Simon and Garfunkel

Years ago I wrote a piece called, Home of Quaker State, Pennzoil and Me, a post that I wrote late at night and it took only minutes to write. It turned out to be a very popular post to my surprise.

I had thought to rework it and repost, but after reading it once more, I knew it did not need any changes.

I grew up in Oil City, Pennsylvania. It was my home for nineteen years. I married three weeks before my twentieth birthday. I never thought I would leave, I never really wanted to.

In it’s prime, Oil City was a bustling city filled with oil refineries, steel mills and businesses. The downtown area provided many stores to shop and browse. There were lunch counters in many of the stores. Lemonblend was served at Thrift drugs, Woolworths had the best hot fudge sundaes, Kressges had cheap sub sandwiches they were just around a dollar, if I remember correctly.

At one point the world wide oil prices were set in our little town. Former mansions of the oil barons still stand today.

It was a wonderful place to grow up. Children were given roots and wings. Most of my generation left town. As we grew jobs became scarce. I was one of the migrating generation. Pennzoil left for Texas in the 60’s. Quaker State was there much longer, but eventually left for Texas also. When we lived in Japan, Dale and I would head to the auto section of the exchange to pick up a can of oil. Not to buy it, but to look at the label and see, ‘Refined in Oil City, PA’. We held home, we held our heritage.

As the years passed the refineries closed. Steel mills followed. The downtown died leaving empty buildings with no care. Yet the river still flowed through the town, and Oil Creek still meets up with the river.

A remnant still remains. They are faithful, consistent, strong. I used to think that only the old people stayed, it turns out those old people are those I went to school with.

We visit, not as often as we have in the past. Anyone who we are related to are now in other cities or their bones are resting in the cemeteries.

Yes, this is all bleak. But, looking below the surface of the tiredness of the town are memories. Echoes of laughter spill out from the old playgrounds and the park. The place where I held a boys hand for the first time still is there. The place of my first kiss is right by the coffee shop.

We drive through town, knowing which lane to get into, knowing what street connects with another, recognizing destinations that were once places where we went in high school. I can look anywhere and people and experiences flood my mind. It is familiar, it is my hometown.

I would not change anything. I know had I stayed there, had we not married, had Dale not joined the Navy, everything would be different. But the Lord. How many times have I said this. My life was created by God. He gave me to my parents and to my sisters. There was a divine purpose in me.

The love of my hometown, gave me a respect for anywhere I have lived since. I grew roots. I was established in the roads and places in Oil City. I grew into who I am today. The memories serve to remind me of who and what I am. The legacy of those who came before me resonate in Oil City. The history defines me.

Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” (NKJV) This is true for me, for you, and for that little town.

Memories

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Yesterday at church I had someone tell me they were enjoying my blog, especially the posts about Japan. I hear that about Japan often. I am always thrilled when people like what I am posting, it is so encouraging to me.

On the way home from church I mentioned to Dale the comment made. In my mind I traveled back to our time in Japan and tried to remember more details. What I found in our Navy travels is although each duty station was new and full of unexplored things, after about six months, it just became home. Our lives were similar to what they are now, cooking, cleaning, laundry and trips to the grocery store.

We lived in three homes in Japan. Our final move was our permanent quarters. The housing area was one we waited for. It was Nagai Navy Housing. Set up on a plateau, it was a converted WW II, Japanese airstrip. There were two wide roads in this area and at the end of one of the roads , where we lived was the curved part of the runway. I often wondered what it was like during the war and how many planes took off and how many did not return. Growing up as a daughter of someone who served in WW II, my view of Japan was a bit altered. They were the enemy. Initially, I was not thrilled to be assigned there. All I could remember was geography classes that talked about the way the Japanese farmed. I didn’t pay much attention then, as I truly thought I would never leave my birthplace. I figured anything I learned in geography did not pertain to NW Pennsylvania, so therefore it didn’t pertain to me. Little did I know then.

Where our little duplex was situated was at the end of the one of the roads. We were the only house there. A fire department was a few feet away from our neighbors side of the duplex. On our side was a small commissary which was convenient. In front of our house was a large grassy area. It was quiet.

The front of our little home with our little green Datsun.

As I looked for photos today, I realized with time and a terrible photographer, (me) the pictures look ancient.

It was a typical occupation style home. The bathroom had a dip in the center of the room, the shower was stainless steel, as was the toilet. Whenever I scrubbed the bathroom, water would pool in the dip and I would end up sopping it up with a towel.

The view though, was incredible. Our Japanese neighbors were farmers and daily I would see them carrying things across their shoulders as they went from home to the fields, which was rice in the winter and watermelon in the summer. Our neighborhood adjacent to the housing area was nice.

The field on the other side of our home, a work truck and the neighborhood.

The best part of our view was Mt. Fuji. Opening up the curtains each morning was a glorious view of this mountain. Majestic in all seasons, clouded in the summer months and with snow on top in the fall and winter.

taken from a finger lake at the base of Mt. Fuji

I never expected to have such an adventure in my life. It was only for three years, but those years held so much for me. As I looked upon this sacred mountain, as it is referred to, I would often hear this scripture “I will lift up my eyes to the hills— From whence comes my help?  My help comes from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth.” Psalm 121:1-2 (NKJV)

This view would bring me peace and assurance. I looked at this when I was homesick for family, friends and familiarity, I would begin to remember as my dear Dale has said so often. God cuts the orders, Uncle Sam just pays for them. We were there for a season and a purpose and a lifetime of memories. We left a country we loved and the people we loved when we flew back to the states in 1979.

Confidence

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“Some trust in chariots, and some in horses; But we will remember the name of the Lord our God.” Psalm 20:7 (NKJV)

Safety and security are two of the basic needs in life. When you feel safe and secure you rest easy.

Growing up our doors were only locked at night, I think. As a child I didn’t pay attention to that. I know my Dad would get a glass of water before heading to bed and he would blow his nose as only Dads can. You know that loud almost sounding like a horn honking . I do remember that.

After the death of my Mom, my sisters and I grew up quickly. Yes, we were still kids, but we had a side of us that took on more responsibility. A couple years after our Mom passing, our Dad had a job as a specialty salesman for U.S. steel (the Oilwell supply in Oil City, PA). This job required him to travel overnight, sometimes being gone for more than one night. He talked with us and we knew we were responsible for getting up on time for school and getting to bed on time.

Before leaving on his first trip, he bought a dead bolt lock to put on our door. I remember watching as he put the lock in place. It was a heavy lock, probably more secure than the door. We lived in a very quiet, small neighborhood, and everyone was aware of our situation. It was safe, but my Dad wanted the security of the dead bolt.

Through the years we have lived in areas that weren’t the best. Japan was very safe in all three houses we lived in. San Diego was not the case. But, the Lord safeguarded us. There were nights when Dale was deployed that safety and security alluded me. I felt alone and uneasy.

Through this all, our Lord has remained faithful. He has been the guard at the door, He has been the presence on our property.

When we look at the world, listen to the news, watch events unraveling around us it is hard to retain peace within.

The scripture above, some trust in chariots, and some in horses, to me that is depending on the world to keep us safe. The world can only do so much. The ending of the above scripture is what I attempt to remember, I will remember the name of the Lord my God. My God is my security. He knows my fears, my doubts, my concerns, my worries. He speaks to me in a still voice, “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” John 14:27 (NKJV)

Provision

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“What is the price of two sparrows—one copper coin? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. And the very hairs on your head are all numbered.  So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.” Matthew 10:29-31 (NLT)

There is a part of me that has always worried about finances or lack thereof. I am much better now, but I confess in the shadowy recesses of my brain is a darkness lurking and maliciously whispering to me, but, what if…

It is these thoughts that come to parade through my brain in the middle of the night. It is fear. Fear comes in many shapes and ways in people’s lives. Each of us have a fear.

I have battled fear my whole life. It has been an unwelcome companion. I recognize him now. He has been evicted, but like an unwelcome visitor he will try to sneak in. Sometimes he tries to barge in.

It was suggested once to quote scripture against attacks like this. At first that was difficult, but now it has become a way of life.

Fear? “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” 2 Timothy 1:7 (NLT)

Needs? “And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19 (NLT)

Loneliness, Abandonment? “And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:20b (NLT)

In 1994 Dale was medically retired from the Navy. We had two weeks to prepare for this new stage of our life. We were not set for this. It was a shock to us. We had been comfortable in what we were doing. We had wanted to stay in the Navy for thirty years. We had made our plans. God had other plans. I wrote in my journal asking for provision. I wrote the following, ” But, most of all, let our focus remain on You, what You want to accomplish and work out in us. For if we get ahead of You or insist on our way, or will, then we will have missed everything. For to move, to live outside Your perfect will is to be without a true life. I only want Your will to be done, and Your peace to reside in our hearts and home.” I continued writing, but you get the gist of what was in my heart.

That season was the beginning of a lesson on trust. Did I learn it right away? I would love to say yes, but, as I have written before, I want to be open and honest. Trust grows through many circumstances, some can be good, but, in my case, trust is like playing hide and seek in the fog at night while in a forest. I learned it in fits and starts.

Through the past twenty eight years I have learned that our God provides. He provides security when illness strikes. He provides comfort when dear ones move on to heaven. He provides food when the pantry is empty. He provides friends when you feel desolate and alone. He provides family when you need a conversation with sisters. He provides. Always. Every time.

I need not fear, worry, or become distraught, for He is there. Yes, I do often have to remind myself of this. Each reminder, though, strengthens my faith to believe that He does provide.

Grateful

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“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched — they must be felt with the heart.” — Helen Keller

We lived in San Diego for twenty eight years. I have a circle of dear friends there that make my world bright and safe. I made most of those friends in my late twenties and thirties. They came into my life and took root in my heart. They have challenged me and honestly, they are responsible for the person I grew into. They are my heart.

I also have a group of friends that are my military friends. Although all of us are now way past that time of life, having been out of the Navy longer then we were in. This group was family when families were not close for any of us. We all shared experiences that were unique to each duty station we were assigned. We recognized the need to establish friendships and become family. Otherwise we would have been alone and in need of companionship and support. These friends wrote letters, no internet in those days. These friends prayed for each other, and longed for hugs in situations where we knew they would recognize.

In 2009 Dale and I moved to South Carolina. We drove across the country with a trailer and our dog and each other. Excited for a new adventure, we knew this was most likely our last great adventure. The closer we drove to Charleston the more I fretted about making friends. I was in my late 50’s and I didn’t know if I remembered how to make friends.

I once wrote about the girl scout song, ‘make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold.’ I mentioned that the friends from the military and San Diego fell into the gold section. I also realized that the friends I made in Charleston would one day fall into gold status, which they are now firmly fastened.

Seven years ago we moved to the upstate of South Carolina. Once more I wondered if I would have any friends. I should have learned my lesson by this time. Daily I am grateful for friends. I now realize that I no longer have friends in the silver category. Friends are a precious gift from God. A person who will talk with you, share with you, pray with you and be still beside you is such a blessing from our Creator. Friends are golden. Their worth is more precious than gold.

Thank you to my friends. You make my life complete and whole. You give me laughter in times of tears, you encourage me to move when I am sitting in the dirt, stuck in mud. You kick my behind when I am being stupid. You reflect Jesus to me in love, grace and exhortation. I am grateful.

Mother’s Day

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“She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.  When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness.  She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness. Her children stand and bless her.  Her husband praises her: “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!”  Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.” Proverbs 31:25-30

This scripture certainly does not describe me. Maybe the first line, but I am still trying to figure out how someone can be all five verses. I guess that will be just one of the questions I will ask when I get to heaven.

Today is Mother’s Day. After having a busy week with my daughter I told her that I was thinking of using several posts on Mother’s Day from my original blog. I did rework one. I only reworked one because I didn’t have many posts about Mother’s Day.

It’s a weird day for me. It has been for the past 56 years. In school if there were Mother’s Day projects I would be allowed to draw anything I wanted to. I would stare at the projects and be reminded that I didn’t have anyone to give it to. So, the day became an uncomfortable day for me.

When I became a mother, it was still a weird day. I never wanted to go out for a special dinner because the prices are raised in honor of Mom. I try each year to have a better attitude, but I confess I am pretty jaded about it.

When I think of my daughters being mothers, it’s a different story. Pride wells up in me. They are both wonderful mothers. I can see all five of the above verses in them. I ponder where they learned this. My words to them after they turned 11 was, “I am just winging it now. If you make it to 17, then I will count it a victory.” They grew into beautiful women in spite of me, so I know that was God.

Distilling the day down, though, Mothers should receive honor and praise daily. They deal with kids who don’t want to get up, don’t want to eat, don’t want to go to school, don’t like the way socks fit. They deal with a lot of don’ts. They deal with all the emotions. My youngest would say, ‘so many emotions, so little time’. Mothers are the ones kids want for skinned knees, skinned hearts, tummy aches hiding a fear of something in school. Mothers do not get paid, no one could afford their worth. It is a thankless job. It is an exhausting job. It’s a job that is taken for granted. One day to honor them is not enough.

So for those mothers reading, thank you for being who you are. For those who just have a mother, remember her, or call her.

Today I will go to church and will most likely be asked if I want to go out. I will hesitate, and wait for the day to be over. I love mothers and motherhood, but honestly, I dislike this day.

Transparency

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“You can only take others as far as you have been.” Dale A. Dudas

Often after I write (or teach or speak) I have people come up to me and remark how transparent I can be. It’s true, unfortunately, at times what you see is what you get.

The quote above I heard on April 18, 1978 a year after accepting the Lord as my Savior. The brother who was instrumental in leading us to the Lord came over to wish us a happy spiritual birthday. He walked into our little duplex in Nagai, Japan and asked us what a baby does on his first birthday. Being a childless couple at the time, we just looked blankly at him. He simply said, they walk. It should have been obvious to us. Those two words were an admonition to us to walk in our faith. He followed with the above quote. At the time, I didn’t grasp the weight of the comment but have since learned what was meant.

What you go through in life can be difficult, challenging, burdensome. As we learn lessons through our experiences, we are also glimpsing how we can utilize our lessons to benefit others.

One of the first things I remember hearing from the Lord is this, if you cannot be honest and open to people you can see, how can you be open and honest to Me, who you can’t see? Since hearing this, it has been my life goal to be open to others. I don’t always have success. But I am learning.

Being open does make you vulnerable. Oftentimes I mentally question myself as to why I said what I did. There are nights where I am tempted to delete a scheduled post. Sometimes I feel like that nightmare of walking down the hall of your high school naked has come true. I want to find the nearest closet and just close myself in.

However, I have been called to be open and honest. I have this desire to be myself. Being an introvert, this is difficult. But God… God has put this ache deep within me. Sitting down to write I have hesitancy, I cower by the keyboard. By the end of a post, the words reflecting back to me are from God. If I could say it myself, there would be pride. Proofing the posts often finds me in tears as I read my heart, the words that hide behind my personality, words I have hidden in myself.

We can only take people as far as we have gone. That saying is with me always. I look back on my life. A life filled with depression, heartache, loneliness and fear. Lord, let me reach a heart for You. Let my words be only Your words. Use me Lord. Use me in spite of me.

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline”. 2 Timothy 1:7 (NLT)

My Three Mothers

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“Direct your children onto the right path,
    and when they are older, they will not leave it.” Proverbs 22:6 (NLT)

Most people have one mother. I was blessed to have three women whom I consider a mother to me.

The first, Elizabeth, gave birth to me. She taught me how to walk, eat, when to sleep, talk. She gave me life and I like to think my sense of humor. She would talk with me while sitting on our porch, she encouraged me to write. She truly gave me roots and wings. She moved to heaven when I was eleven. She established me in this world.

My second mother was really my older sister, Dottie. She was fifteen when our mother passed away. Her childhood was cut short. She became the mother figure to both myself and my younger sister. She guided me through my teen years, giving me insight and ideas. We didn’t always see eye to eye, and I often wonder if my mother had survived cancer, if we would have gotten along. Maybe it was my obstinate ways that caused conflict. Dottie was there for me in heartbreaks and victories in school and she cheered me on the days that looked bleak. I would not have had the experiences I did in high school had it not been for her.

I married young. When I first started dating Dale, his mother did not like me. She made that fact well known. Eventually, though, we both softened in our approach to each other. She didn’t have a daughter and I didn’t have a Mom, so together we planned our wedding, giving her the experience of a daughter and me having a Mom to share the excitement with.

My mother-in-law, Marietta, became a Naomi to my Ruth. “But Ruth replied, “Don’t ask me to leave you and turn back. Wherever you go, I will go; wherever you live, I will live. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God.” Ruth 1:16 (NLT) When she moved to heaven, grief for her was what I experienced as an eleven year old.

I have been fortunate to have the love and encouragement of three beautiful women in my life. They have taught me to grow, to learn, to accept and respect. I thank my Lord for each of them.

She Knew Your Voice

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Today I was looking at some pictures of a newborn granddaughter taken almost eight years ago. It was a series of three photos, one with her Dad, one by herself and one with my daughter. In the first she looked comfortable held in her Father’s hands, but in the one with her Mom, she had a sweet little newborn smile on her face. I looked at my daughter and remarked on the smile, I said, She knew your voice.

An infant hears their mother’s voice while they develop. It’s part of the process. A child will grow in the womb, wrapped in a comfort and quiet and they grow. While growing, they hear the music of a mother’s voice. The tonal inflection, the joy, the quiet, the nervousness. They hear it all. It is deeply ingrained into a child’s being.

In a similar fashion, the Holy Spirit woos one to a relationship with our heavenly Father. He directs us, points us and leads us while we are growing to a point of a total dependence on Christ. Once we receive our Lord and commit our lives to Him, we know His voice. It is a part of us. We are created to respond to His voice.

“Can a mother forget the infant at her breast, walk away from the baby she bore? But even if mothers forget,  I’d never forget you—never.” Isaiah 49:15 (MSG)

No Weapon

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“No weapon formed against you shall prosper, And every tongue which rises against you in judgment You shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, And their righteousness is from Me,” Says the Lord.” Isaiah 54:17 (NKJV)

Weapons come in many ways. When thinking of weapons, we usually go to firearms or the military. Our minds turn to hostile situations that fill the evening news, wars, revolts, or hostage and school shootings. These are all legitimate thoughts.

Many of us will never be in those situations.

Weapons formed against us can be a harsh word or tone, a situation where you feel boxed in and cannot escape, the panic you feel in a given experience. Weapons can be our mind-set, how we think we are and how we tear ourselves apart.

There was a season in my life where I felt besieged. In my desolation and loneliness I found no comfort. Dale was deployed on an isolated tour, which means he was overseas in a place where we, his family, could not go. I had my daughters, but I needed to be the strong one, the adult. I tried my best to be strong, to do my part, but inside I was crumbling. Falling apart like an old stone wall hit just the right way.

I went to church, but hid in the back rows, hoping no one would talk with me. I tried to pray but felt like my prayers went nowhere. I read the Word but the words seemed empty. It was a winter season for me. I was dormant and lifeless.

The Lord broke through this darkness with these verses that brought life back into me. It did not happen at once, but, it did give me the strength to move. “casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.” I Peter 5:7 (NKJV) and “So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.” Deuteronomy 31:6 (NLT)

I remember in gaining victory over this season, I would walk through my house in almost a marching fashion. With each step I would declare, NO. Weapon. Formed. Against. ME. will. prosper. A declaration that my God did not forsake me. He was with me then and will be with me forever.