Category: Memories

My Three Mothers

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“Direct your children onto the right path,
    and when they are older, they will not leave it.” Proverbs 22:6 (NLT)

Most people have one mother. I was blessed to have three women whom I consider a mother to me.

The first, Elizabeth, gave birth to me. She taught me how to walk, eat, when to sleep, talk. She gave me life and I like to think my sense of humor. She would talk with me while sitting on our porch, she encouraged me to write. She truly gave me roots and wings. She moved to heaven when I was eleven. She established me in this world.

My second mother was really my older sister, Dottie. She was fifteen when our mother passed away. Her childhood was cut short. She became the mother figure to both myself and my younger sister. She guided me through my teen years, giving me insight and ideas. We didn’t always see eye to eye, and I often wonder if my mother had survived cancer, if we would have gotten along. Maybe it was my obstinate ways that caused conflict. Dottie was there for me in heartbreaks and victories in school and she cheered me on the days that looked bleak. I would not have had the experiences I did in high school had it not been for her.

I married young. When I first started dating Dale, his mother did not like me. She made that fact well known. Eventually, though, we both softened in our approach to each other. She didn’t have a daughter and I didn’t have a Mom, so together we planned our wedding, giving her the experience of a daughter and me having a Mom to share the excitement with.

My mother-in-law, Marietta, became a Naomi to my Ruth. “But Ruth replied, “Don’t ask me to leave you and turn back. Wherever you go, I will go; wherever you live, I will live. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God.” Ruth 1:16 (NLT) When she moved to heaven, grief for her was what I experienced as an eleven year old.

I have been fortunate to have the love and encouragement of three beautiful women in my life. They have taught me to grow, to learn, to accept and respect. I thank my Lord for each of them.

She Knew Your Voice

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Today I was looking at some pictures of a newborn granddaughter taken almost eight years ago. It was a series of three photos, one with her Dad, one by herself and one with my daughter. In the first she looked comfortable held in her Father’s hands, but in the one with her Mom, she had a sweet little newborn smile on her face. I looked at my daughter and remarked on the smile, I said, She knew your voice.

An infant hears their mother’s voice while they develop. It’s part of the process. A child will grow in the womb, wrapped in a comfort and quiet and they grow. While growing, they hear the music of a mother’s voice. The tonal inflection, the joy, the quiet, the nervousness. They hear it all. It is deeply ingrained into a child’s being.

In a similar fashion, the Holy Spirit woos one to a relationship with our heavenly Father. He directs us, points us and leads us while we are growing to a point of a total dependence on Christ. Once we receive our Lord and commit our lives to Him, we know His voice. It is a part of us. We are created to respond to His voice.

“Can a mother forget the infant at her breast, walk away from the baby she bore? But even if mothers forget,  I’d never forget you—never.” Isaiah 49:15 (MSG)

No Weapon

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“No weapon formed against you shall prosper, And every tongue which rises against you in judgment You shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, And their righteousness is from Me,” Says the Lord.” Isaiah 54:17 (NKJV)

Weapons come in many ways. When thinking of weapons, we usually go to firearms or the military. Our minds turn to hostile situations that fill the evening news, wars, revolts, or hostage and school shootings. These are all legitimate thoughts.

Many of us will never be in those situations.

Weapons formed against us can be a harsh word or tone, a situation where you feel boxed in and cannot escape, the panic you feel in a given experience. Weapons can be our mind-set, how we think we are and how we tear ourselves apart.

There was a season in my life where I felt besieged. In my desolation and loneliness I found no comfort. Dale was deployed on an isolated tour, which means he was overseas in a place where we, his family, could not go. I had my daughters, but I needed to be the strong one, the adult. I tried my best to be strong, to do my part, but inside I was crumbling. Falling apart like an old stone wall hit just the right way.

I went to church, but hid in the back rows, hoping no one would talk with me. I tried to pray but felt like my prayers went nowhere. I read the Word but the words seemed empty. It was a winter season for me. I was dormant and lifeless.

The Lord broke through this darkness with these verses that brought life back into me. It did not happen at once, but, it did give me the strength to move. “casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.” I Peter 5:7 (NKJV) and “So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.” Deuteronomy 31:6 (NLT)

I remember in gaining victory over this season, I would walk through my house in almost a marching fashion. With each step I would declare, NO. Weapon. Formed. Against. ME. will. prosper. A declaration that my God did not forsake me. He was with me then and will be with me forever.

Stop Signs, Roadblocks and Detours

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When we first moved to San Diego we obviously had to find a place to live. We stayed with friends during that time and they watched our oldest while we ventured out into our new city full of expectation and excitement. We had our map of San Diego and surrounding areas, as it was well before the days of GPS.

We had lists provided by the base housing office of places that would rent to military personnel. We were set. We got to the right area of the city, the right street and BAM! The street ended and a canyon was where the street should have been. In the distance you could see the beginning of the rest of the street. This could have been a one-off, but no we managed to have potential homes on each street that butted up against a canyon.

Needless to say our frustration levels were high, until it began to be funny. A street filled with houses and you went down them and then there would be a barrier with a reflecting sign on it. We found it funny why the barrier was there when the pavement ended and in front of you was grassy areas and huge trees blocking your way. Didn’t take a rocket scientist to know you couldn’t go any further.

We finally did find a house to rent, and yes, it actually was on a canyon. We learned that San Diego had canyons throughout the city, some pretty beautiful and some that were questionable.

Roadblocks show up in the most inconvenient places. Upon seeing them, we usually hear a deep sigh or a groan. No one likes to see roadblocks.

The same goes with stop signs. We notice how many are around when we are in a hurry to get somewhere. I was guilty of this when it was a season for me being ‘taxi mom’. By Friday evening I would be screaming at any stop sign or traffic light, unless of course, it was green.

Detours are similar to roadblocks, they appear right when you want to head in the direction they are blocking. Occasionally detours provide you with beauty you never would have experienced. Roads not traveled or thought of.

Many times we hear Jeremiah 29:11 quoted. “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” (NLT) It’s a familiar scripture that gets repeated and repeated. Most of us can repeat it without much thought. Yes, God has a plan for us. Yes, it will give us a future and a hope. We say it like we slap a band-aid on a wound, like it is a cure all.

Sometimes we fail to realize that the plan, that future and that hope come after we hit roadblock after roadblock. That pathway is riddled with stop signs and red lights. That hope is after several detours.

Anyone who has taken a long road trip knows that the destination sometimes takes longer to arrive to. Things are in the way.

If life could be like those mazes on children’s menus, it would be great. You start at the beginning and trace your way to the end. If you can’t figure it out right away you turn the menu around and start from the end and go backwards. Somehow turning the page around allows you to see the path with no lines blocking your crayon.

Life is not so simple. We can’t go to the end and figure it all out. Until then, we follow the signs, trying not to zig when we need to zag. We were given a map more detailed than GPS. Psalm 119:105, “Your word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path.” (NLT)

Spring

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in Just-
spring when the world is mud-
luscious the little
lame balloonman
whistles far and wee
and eddieandbill come
running from marbles and
piracies and it’s
spring
when the world is puddle-wonderful
the queer
old balloonman whistles
far and wee
and bettyandisbel come dancing
from hop-scotch and jump-rope and
it’s
spring
and
the
goat-footed
balloonMan whistles
far
and
wee e.e.cummings

I was introduced to this poem in fourth grade. I immediately fell in love with this poet who ignored conventional grammar. He even used lower case letters for his name. What’s not to love in that?

Since that year many, many years (okay decades) ago, I recite this poem in my mind each year. The words are delicious to me.

When we lived in San Diego there were only a few weeks of real spring. It was when the grasses were green and the poppies bloomed. Then everything returned to normal and most of the grass withered and it was dull.

Spring has been in our area for a while now. The yellow layer on everything outside, the hoarse cough I have all day long, the gummy eyes, the runny nose declares spring to my body. I dislike that part of spring, especially feeling like I am carrying a boulder on my chest with each step. Yes, that’s allergies.

My crocuses have bloomed and faded, the daffodils also. My hyacinths are mere shadows of what they were. The dogwood have shed their beautiful flower and now the leaves are taking over. The azaleas have been stunning this year, vibrant in pink, coral and white. Those blossoms, too, are shedding and soon all that will be is a green bush.

I woke up this morning to hearing rain. Lots of rain! “Ask the Lord for rain in the spring, for he makes the storm clouds. And he will send showers of rain so every field becomes a lush pasture.” Zechariah 10:1 (NLT) It was one of those days where the comfort and warmth of the bed and the gentle sound of raindrops tried to convince me not to get up.

I fought the desire to stay snuggled in my bed listening to the tranquil voice of nature. I walked to my windows and opened the curtains. The ground was saturated. The leaves shone with rain. Before me was a symphony of green. Light greens, yellow greens, dark waxy green all greeted me. Each spring I stand at my window amazed at the glorious creation in my front yard. After years of dullness, our Lord brought me into this harmony of trees, shrubs and flowers.

Surrounding my home today was my reminder of ee cummings. Thank you sir, for the words to describe my outdoors, mud-lucious, and puddle-wonderful. Thank you Lord for the spring rain.

A New Day

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This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NLT)

As I write this on Easter Monday, April 18th, my mind is filled with many thoughts.

First, the day after Jesus rose from the grave, I imagine the joy and smiles on the faces of those closest to Jesus here on earth. The feeling of dread and doom that had filled them was now replaced with wonder and expectation. What was next for these men and women? They had witnessed so much in three years and now another twist in their adventure with Jesus.

Forty five years ago this evening, Dale and I made a commitment to follow Jesus. We both knew Him, heard the sermons and felt like we were pretty good. Our marriage was not only on the rocks, it was wrecked. We argued most of the time and around 6:30 p.m. on this day, we decided that we would divorce. He would stay in Japan, obviously, and I determined that I would go to San Francisco with our dog and start over.

A half hour later saw one of us asking the other what the marriage needed. The answer, “A relationship with Jesus Christ”. These were words neither of us expected. But, we looked at one another, knowing it was the truth. We went to our bedroom, knelt down and prayed together. When we finished praying we looked at one another and we knew that something had changed. We looked with eyes of love, hope and commitment.

On April 19th, 1977 I woke up different. I still looked the same, I was still the same person, but there was a deep change within. I opened up the blinds in our bedroom and looked out. The same four quad-plex buildings surrounded the grassy courtyard, but it appeared the sun shone brighter. Everything was brighter. I felt cleansed, more clean than you feel after showering, it was a deep clean. I guess the way I felt is how your home looks after a deep cleaning. The house glistens. The floors are polished, the furniture dust free, the windows clear, and fresh smells abound. That is the way I felt on the 19th of April, 1977.

Like the disciples the day after Christ arose, I was filled with anticipation, expectation and joy.

 “Could it be any clearer? Our old way of life was nailed to the cross with Christ, a decisive end to that sin-miserable life—no longer captive to sin’s demands! What we believe is this: If we get included in Christ’s sin-conquering death, we also get included in his life-saving resurrection. We know that when Jesus was raised from the dead it was a signal of the end of death-as-the-end. Never again will death have the last word. When Jesus died, he took sin down with him, but alive he brings God down to us. From now on, think of it this way: Sin speaks a dead language that means nothing to you; God speaks your mother tongue, and you hang on every word. You are dead to sin and alive to God. That’s what Jesus did.

That means you must not give sin a vote in the way you conduct your lives. Don’t give it the time of day. Don’t even run little errands that are connected with that old way of life. Throw yourselves wholeheartedly and full-time—remember, you’ve been raised from the dead!—into God’s way of doing things. Sin can’t tell you how to live. After all, you’re not living under that old tyranny any longer. You’re living in the freedom of God. ” Romans 6:6-14 (MSG)

Have I looked at each day like that first? No, but when I stop and quiet myself I still recognize that difference. My whole being shouts to me to be expectant and anticipate what the Lord is going to do today. Each morning is filled with the promise and assurance that God is in control. Nothing is going to happen to me that will take God off of His throne of grace, He is not wringing His perfect hands in worry. He has a plan for my life and yours.

Easter Monday

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Have you ever had a day that you dread? Easter Monday is that day for me. Somehow, as a growing child I would have mishaps on that day.

I can remember my parents saying they were going to tie me in my bed so that no harm could come to me. Of course, they were joking.

Two incidents come to mind quickly when I see Easter Monday approaching. The first required an emergency room visit. My sisters and I were off school, watching mid-morning television, eating our Easter basket goodies and drinking pop (soda, coke, sody-pop, soft drink I have heard them all). Our mother was on the phone talking with a friend. My older sister asked me to go get her more to drink. I said no. She knew I would do it anyway, so she tossed her glass at me. Neither of us thought anything would happen. But, somehow the glass hit just the right way on my knee and exploded, sending chards into my knee. We both panicked and we didn’t want Mom to know what had happened. We slid by her, and went to the bathroom, I am certain she noticed that blood was running down my leg, but we were determined. As my sister was attempting to place band-aids over my knee, our Mother appeared in the bathroom door. I then went to the emergency room where our family physician removed the glass and commented that they were very pretty. They were blue and white glasses. I am certain we were corrected, but we were just being kids.

A few years went by. It was evening on Easter Monday. My sisters and I were outside, shoe-less of course. Again, my older sister asked me to go get her shoes, so she could investigate something. I obliged and ran down our sidewalk in the back of our house. I don’t know how, but, somehow I tripped, slid across the cemented back porch and the aluminum screen door stopped me, but not before I dented in the bottom part of the door with my head. No emergency room visit that time, but no school the next day either.

I occasionally hear about my adventures on Easter Monday, but it is few and far between. In jest I was referred to as Grace. All legs and feet and no coordination.

I smile as I write these memories. I can still recall the glass being removed and the doctor and my Mom laughing at our antics. I can still remember being stopped by screen door and hearing my Dad say, she dented my door.

These are the things that make parents go grey. They are also the stuff of great memories.

“And do everything with love.” 1 Corinthians 16:14 (NLT)

Did we sisters do everything in love? No, of course not. We are a real family. But, we are fiercely devoted to one another, we have each other’s back. The Lord created our family. It was not always easy for us, but, we survived and flourished. Today I would not run to get her shoes, but I would most likely trip at some point. Grace still exists, but now I pass it off to old age.

Water

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Having been married to a sailor for the first 20 years of our marriage, we lived near the water. I grew up with a river in our city, along with Oil Creek. In the summer we would swim or play along the banks of the Allegheny river and in the winter we saw the river freeze over. In the spring we knew that the ice would melt enough to flow and there would be a pile up of ice where the Allegheny met Oil Creek. The downtown area would flood in the spring. That was the rhythm of my life when I was a child.

When we married, I lived by the Atlantic ocean. I will always remember the first time seeing the ocean. It is so vast and grey. I loved it. We spent many weekends during late spring, summer and early fall laying on towels and body surfing. Wonderful memories.

Moving to Japan, we lived on Sagami Bay which flowed into the Pacific Ocean. The beaches were black because they were formed by the volcanic ash from Mt. Fuji. The beaches were not bare-footed beaches, the surface was hard and coarse . The waters would churn up from typhoons and the sea would look angry.

The next body of water we lived on was Schoodic Bay in the Bay of Maine, part of the Atlantic. The coast of Maine is something to behold. It is majestic and bold. Water agitates and foams crashing over the rock bound coast. The noise of the water echoes in my memory, along with the sea water smell . Each drive along the scenic coast of the Acadia National Park was different. Granted there were times during the summer when I would be trying to get to the base and find myself behind a tourist and mumble, “yes, people, that’s the water, and those are rocks and yes it’s beautiful, but, I need to get moving.” We can take beauty for granted when we see it daily.

In San Diego our house had a million dollar view. The house was not worth that, but the view was incredible. Each day I looked over the bay heading into the Naval Base. I saw the Coronado Bridge and Point Loma. Without exception the Lord would paint a different sunset with His palette of colors, swirling tones and highlights to delight any eye watching for the green flash as the sun dipped past the horizon.

In Charleston, as we hit our ‘senior’ status, we would walk the shore of Sullivan’s Island. Holding hands and talking above the quiet flop of the water on the shore we would reminisce or talk of our future. It was our place of solitude.

I was reminded this week of these places as I have looked over the lake. At times the water is still, no movement. Other times with the wind, white caps are visible. The occasional speed boat will stir up waves that lap against the shore. Ducks land and glide across the lake, each taking turns dipping under the water to catch some food.

Water can be like our lives. There are times when we get all churned up, tossing things that are causing turmoil within us. Sometimes we get angry and we crash over people we love, dunking them in our attitude. Once in a while we are dark and foreboding, other times we are reflecting the bright light of our Creator.

Psalm 23:2-3a, “He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters.  He restores my soul;” (NKJV)

I have needed this week. My soul has been refreshed. Refreshed by the view of the lake, refreshed with being with my daughter and her husband and refreshed with my granddaughter. Her delight in all things spurs me on to look at the world as she does.

Doing All Things

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“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” Philippians 4:13 (NKJV)

This is my oldest daughter’s life verse. I don’t know when it became her verse or the circumstances surrounding it. I just know that we have reminded one another from time to time when this verse is applicable.

She once told me she wrote it on the palm of her hand before a difficult test in high school. She would glance at it and finally the teacher came to look and see if she was cheating. What she got was scripture.

When Dale and I were on our way to Japan we boarded a plane in our local regional airport. Both of our families were there to say good-bye as we knew it would be a long time before we saw one another or talked with one another. We went to Franklin to the airport, which is now referred to as Venango Regional Airport. It was a one room airport. No security, no frills. We walked in and the man behind the counter took our tickets. He then walked down behind the counter and checked our bags. After that, he loaded the airplane. At this point, my older sister grabbed my arm and said to me, “Cathi, if that man changes his hat and flies the plane you are NOT going.” I can still feel her grip on my arm and see the expression on her face.

Like a comic sketch, the man put on a pilot hat and lowered the stairway and welcomed us aboard. Since Dale, the pilot and I were the only ones on board, he had us sit where the plane would be balanced. I swear I could hear the Hail Mary’s from my sister.

This man could do all things. He proved it that evening on our 30 minute flight from Franklin, PA to Pittsburgh, PA.

We don’t have to be a jack of all trades to live that scripture. But we can realize that nothing is difficult with the Lord involved. He will give us the needed strength, wisdom, discernment and energy to follow through. Not everything will be easy, but we can have success.

God’s Sense of Humor

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I have said that God has a sledge hammer sitting beside His throne which has my name on it. He picks it up on occasion to whop me across the head to get my attention. It usually works.

I have also said that I make God roll His eyes and groan a lot. He also laughs at my antics. I don’t do that on purpose, but I just know I am THAT child. The one you watch and chuckle and shake your head at. THAT one.

As I had mentioned earlier I had to have a procedure done this week. In the mid 90’s I was diagnosed with a tumor in my right breast. Before going to see a surgeon I had prayer from our pastor at a Friday night prayer meeting. It was a simple prayer, but an incredible healing. I could not move from my chair for about twenty minutes and I just kept giggling. A week later I went to the surgeon and told him that I had had prayer and that the Lord had healed me. The doctor did not believe me. He examined me to the point that I felt like he was counting my vertebrae from my front. He finally asked his nurse what she felt. She said scar tissue. At the time, I smiled at the doctor and said, I told you I was healed. Then I laughed all the way back to my office.

I have often been able to share this healing with others and each time I get excited. This week I had to have a biopsy on my right breast. A friend of mine reminded me that that one was healed miraculously and that God does not remove His healing. Throughout this whole situation, I have been very calm and peaceful. I didn’t even get nervous when I went in and had the biopsy. It was so cool, I watched it on the screen while it was happening.

So today I got the results. The first results came via My Chart. It was the reports from the radiologist and the doctor who read the results. I went to google to look up words. All was confusing. I handed my laptop over to my husband and he was equally confused. I decided to wait until I got a phone call before I said anything. I did not have to wait long as the phone rang within minutes of the email.

The result was benign with some scarring. Now, I know the scarring can mean many things, but to me, it was a reminder that God has healed me and He was recalling to mind that He lets us know when He has been in a situation. I like to think He is on His throne shaking His head at me and thinking, “I told you I would never leave you.”

How many instances in our lives do we fail to see God’s humor? I love that He made me smile today for several reasons.

Psalm 2:4a, “He who sits in the heavens shall laugh;” (NKJV) I know that is taken out of context, but I truly believe that God has joy in us and He does laugh and smile when He is working out His perfect plan for us.