Category: Memories

Ouch! In a good way

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When we lived in San Diego I became involved in prayer ministry. A group of us would meet an hour before church each Sunday and pray for the service, the pastor, the city, and any pressing needs we may have.

A lot was crammed into those hour prayer times. It formed a bond with many who were part of the team. Some of my favorite memories happened during the hour before church.

When we moved to South Carolina, I attempted a couple of times to pray before church. Some time while living in the low country and then once we moved upstate, here.

I became discouraged here as I truly didn’t know people of the church well. I could see the faces of those who sat in each seat, but I didn’t know the people. I prayed for the service, which I could figure out, and then I wasn’t familiar with the city to pray for the community.

San Diego was easy to pray. I knew that to the west was the Pacific, and I knew what suburbs were against the water. North was towards Los Angeles and so I could pray for the north county, for the marines on Camp Pendelton , and for the communities north of the church. East was the mountain towns that eventually lead to the desert. South were the communities close to the border of Mexico. I knew the direction to face and how to pray. I was confident in those times. I knew the city, I knew the people, I knew the church.

Change in location shifts your confidence. At least it did mine. I have always had the desire to pray and to lead prayer. I have been to prayer conferences where I have learned so much. Nothing in my desire has changed, nothing in my knowledge has shifted, yet, moving cross country disoriented my focus and confidence.

This morning at church our Pastor preached an incredible sermon. It was titled “When God’s People Pray”. The message was encouraging, and yet at the same time it produced an OUCH in me. I knew everything he was saying and in fact, I have said a lot of what he said at different times in my life. Prayer is important.

I felt it was time for me to return to what I had been doing long ago. That was the ouch part. But, it was a good ouch. More like a jab to the heart of me to prod me to do what I know how to.

The message was so encouraging also. For years I doubted why I liked to pray. Was I really called to lead and teach in this area? Or, was it vanity on my part for being asked to teach and lead so many years ago? Those two questions have plagued my thought process for a very long time.

I have not stopped praying. I wouldn’t know how to do that. Part of that stems from my Catholic roots and the prayers I learned as a child. I continue to pray for my Pastors, for my church, for the city we live in (although I still have no clue which direction is which)

Today our pastor talked about what the prayers of the saints are. They are incense to our Lord. The tears we cry while praying are put in a bottle with our name on it and written in the Lord’s book. God keeps track of our prayers. As I sat in my chair, I remembered all the tearful prayers I have prayed over the years. They have been perfume to the Lord and He takes notice of what we pray.

I have not relayed as well what was spoken today, but this is one sermon that will not leave me. It struck a chord deep within and something shifted back to me. The prodding that took place realigned what had shifted in the move across this country. I felt my confidence start to return in this area. I left church full. I received fresh bread in the words spoken. I was renewed.

I don’t know how I will put into practice what I relearned today, but I hope in the Lord to guide and direct me in His perfect way. We serve a great and mighty God. He cares for us. He listens to us. He hears our prayers.

“In those days when you pray, I will listen.” Jeremiah 29:12 (NLT)

Echoes and Treasures

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I always hesitate to clean up after my grandchildren visit. I will leave toys right where they left them and walk around them for days. I know when I put them away, the visit is over. I do the same with the beds my grands and kids have slept in. When I have that perfect guest room, it signals that family is indeed gone.

Today I look at the pile of toys and puzzles on my living room chair. There is a stuffed tiger that was hugged and kissed by our Little Miss so that we could hug tiger and actually be getting a hug and kiss from her.

I did put away her art things on the screen porch. Emptying the paint water and putting the watercolors away. I carefully piled the artwork and put it in my treasure drawer in my dresser.

The echoes of laughter and play resound in the home of grandparents. It is what keeps us going. It is a blessing of our lives.

Today Dale and I had lunch on our screen porch. There are ledges on each screen of the porch. Beside Dale were the treasures collected by our Little Man, a twisty grapevine that is hardening to become a walking stick. Many pieces of granite and broken concrete taken from our woods.

On the other side of the porch lay Little Miss’ treasures. A pine cone on a little limb. Some pyrite from the driveway, and other little rocks gathered from outside. A seashell from where the previous owners dumped their aquarium. All special and unique to her.

I don’t know when we decided to store their ‘treasures’, but it is now part of our decor. They are reminders of great adventures in the woods and yard. Adventures that are seen through the eyes of children.

I never knew my grandparents, they had all passed before I was old enough to remember. Grand-parenting is a privilege. I am honored to be called Grammy. I love the echoes and the treasures. They remind me of memories in the making. My grands may not remember a whole lot of us, but they will remember that they were allowed to keep their treasures in a certain place just for them.

As parents and grandparents, we store up in our heart memories of our children. They are dear to us. They bring us joy. I imagine our heavenly Father does the same. Looking at us and in us, He smiles and gently places our “treasures” in His heart.

Another Confession, (sigh…)

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I am a human. I am learning. Most of the time, I am relearning because I didn’t learn the first time. I have often said that the Lord has a sledge hammer with my name on it beside His throne of grace. I often picture Him sighing, and leaning over and picking it up once more to whap me upside the head so that I will get the message. It is a well worn hammer, I picture it worn on both sides from use.

For years, I have opened my eyes in the morning and thanked the Lord for the new day. Often I will remember to put on the armor of God. I always say, ‘I give this day to You, Lord, it is Yours.’ That sounds so lovely, doesn’t it? I almost sound like I am in tune with God.

And then… (There is always that statement.) I begin to tell the Lord what I am going to do with my day. I like to be organized and fit as much as I can in each day. The same is true in walking. Each lap, I pray for particular people. I am regimented. There has to be order.

This morning I started my walk, one lap, two laps, and on the third lap I heard it. “STOP! You are doing it again. ” It took a few seconds for the message to get to my brain. Again, I am making certain that I am doing everything I THINK I need to do. I overcompensate in almost every area. I confess it.

Once more my Lord leaned over about to grab that sledge hammer. Like a dog learning obedience I stopped and gave a sad puppy look to heaven.

I often tell others that they are enough, just like they are. They don’t need to strive because our Lord loves them, knows the number of hairs on their head, and even those in the hairbrush, that our Lord sings for joy over them each morning. I can believe that for others.

After realizing that I was once more trying to ‘do’ what I felt was right. What I was doing was rote, I heard, “Just walk. You are missing Me in trying to accomplish your list.”

I spent the rest of the walk silently walking. I remembered how I have had conversations with so many where I couldn’t get a word in edgewise and yet, here I have been doing that with our Lord. Prayer is a conversation.

So, I end with this. Lord, forgive me. Forgive me for not listening. Forgive me for not allowing You to move in my day the way You desire. Forgive me for not seeing my worth in You. I love you Lord.

“This is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it.” Psalm 118: 24 (NLT)

Nuance

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Having been raised in NW Pennsylvania, I love seasons. I love the budding of crocus in the spring. Seeing the bright green shoots coming up through the last of the snow, a promise of warmer weather with the crusty black layer on the white snow. Crunching through dead leaves in the fall was a joy I looked forward to. Slipping and sliding down the hills of our town, while trying to navigate walking in the winter. And, summer, that glorious season that was filled with activities and cook-outs. I will always cherish the memories of growing up in Oil City, PA.

We lived in San Diego for almost 28 years. Being in Southern California the seasons passed, almost without a thought. Only rarely did we see real weather there. Instead of the noticeable change of seasons, there was a nuance of change there. I learned to look for that nuance, to feel it as it came. It usually was a fleeting feeling, a breeze that smelled just a bit different, or a lone leaf waiting to be crunched under foot.

Today as I walked, I experienced a nuance. The weather is still the gates of hell hot, but a small breeze hit me and it smelled like fall. Granted here in the south, we still have August and part of September to go through before there is any real sign of fall, but today I received a promise. Cooler weather is coming.

I looked at the bunting on my front porch, knowing in the next week or so I will take it down, wash it and put it away for another year. The red, white, and blue wreaths and door hangings will be put away. My patriotic flags will be replaced by fall flags. Then, with a blink of an eye, I will be decorating for Christmas.

The years pass quickly. Each year seems to shorten in length to me. I once heard a pastor say, “Our life is but a burp in eternity” I laughed at that statement. I was in my late twenties at the time and felt like I had time to do so much. Lately, I have thought of that statement. A burp is small. We don’t even think of the time it takes to burp. Such is life.

If I am recognizing that seasons pass quickly, years are flying by and my life is a burp in eternity, the question hovers in me, what am I doing in the span of a burp?

“in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed.” I Corinthians 15:52 (NKJV)

Little Miss #1

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(Reworked from an original post October 2019 from dearanonymousfriend)

Little girls come into your life and they nuzzle up and reach in and steal your heart.  They do this easily and quickly.

I always wanted to have five boys.  That was my dream when I was young.  I wanted enough boys to have a pick up basketball team.  I always thought I would have a household full of boys.  They would grow up and look down on me and be in my home to eat all my food and make me laugh.  Yes, if you would have asked me in my early twenties, that is what I would have told you.

Then, near my mid twenties, our first daughter was born.  Suddenly, little girls were my world.  Lots of pink and ruffles and sweet little smiles.   A few years later her sister was born.  Again, lots of ruffles, but, lavender this time.

Finally, years later, our Little Miss came to us.   This little girl, this little gift.  She came a bit early and was really small.  Her size did not deter her personality though, as it was full grown and ready to be presented to the world.

Granddaughters are so much different than daughters.  They melt your heart even sooner than my daughters did.  I saw my husband melt within the first few hours after her birth.  It was different than with Little Man.  With Little Man, he was proud.  I could see his chest popping out in pride.  This was his Grandson.   In a moment he was in the future with him, working on cars and going fishing and doing all the guy stuff he had experienced when he was young.

When Little Miss was born, this man of mine became jello.  He held her and melted.  I watched him do it.  He looked at her and his heart was now in her little fingers.  It has remained so to this day.

She is our Halloween pumpkin.  She is giggles and long stories.   She is a ballerina on her toes, leaping and in the next minute she is chasing her dogs and trying to hug them.   She is wanting to wear frilly dresses but not let her long locks be touched by a hairbrush.  She is a range of emotions like the range of the Appalachian mountains, it just goes on and on.

She is our precious little one.  The one who has her Mom take pictures of her in her church outfit so I can see how she looks.  She poses with one foot out, like a ballet position.  She is a true little girl, the sugar and spice, but also a measure of snips and snails and puppy dog tails…

It continues to amaze me how wonderful our Lord is. He gives us such abundant gifts in our families. He renews the wonder of new born lives. We get to relive the joys of childhood without the stress and strain of parenting. We see our children in these little lives. We remember the stress and tiredness of raising children. But, as grandparents it all seems like golden memories.

“We love each other because he loved us first.” I John 4:19 (NLT)

Little Man Lesson #3

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(Originally from September 2013 on my dearanonymousfriend blog.)

“Those who know your name trust in you, for you, O Lord, do not abandon those who search for you.” Psalm 9:10 (NLT)

This morning I took little man for a walk to the local library.  It was a half hour program of music, movement and singing.  My daughter had wanted him to experience this time and so this lovely morning I put him in the stroller and we set out.

It was a great adventure, the weather is fall like and the walk to the library was filled with seeing buses and cars and construction cranes.

Little man was enjoying himself and did not realize he was going on a new adventure.  Grammy did.  There was a part of me that was very hesitant about going.  What would be required of me?  Where should I park the stroller? Would I have to sit someplace other than holding on to my dear little man?

No, I do not take well to new experiences.  I don’t welcome them.  Give me the same routine.  Don’t put me out of my comfort zone.  I don’t like it.

So, my lesson for today?  Go with the flow.  Check out the situation, take a few steps into the thick of things and hold on tight to what you know.  That is exactly what little man did today.  He checked out the surroundings and studied the other toddlers.  He took a few steps out on his own, but did not wander far from Grammy’s reach.  When he needed reassurance he climbed back into my lap and sat watching it all.

I was so very proud of him.  He joined in and smiled.  He was a bit reserved, but he participated.  Lesson learned.  This old grammy saw how he handled this group.  He didn’t kick and scream.  He went in.  He didn’t cry, he let me do the arm motions with him.  He was brave.  He had a new experience.  He got a stamp on his little arm of Mother Goose.  It was his badge of honor.  He made it through his first group experience.

I think I got a bit braver too, but I didn’t get a stamp on my arm.

New experiences are part of each life. For those of us who are leery of any new situation, it takes boldness to step out of our familiar places. When faced with new things, how do we react? Personally, I try to avoid them at all cost. This does not always work for me, so I go to my Father, my protection, my safety and rest in Him.

“But when I am afraid, I will put my trust in you.” Psalm 56:3 (NLT)

Little Man Lesson #2

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(Original post from September 2013, on dearanonymousfriend, my other blog)

Today my dear daughter started back to teaching pre-school.  She was as organized as much as she could be.  We got up, and she got ready to head out the door.

I even managed to keep our dear little man distracted so he did not see his Momma head off to work.  It was a quiet transition and I was so pleased.   I know it made his Momma a bit relieved that there were no tears or drama at the door.

As we started our morning, my phone rang.  It was my daughter… all organized but, wrong set of keys in hand.  Plus I had the fob to enter the building where they live.  She was outside the apartment building and needed the other set of keys.  So, grabbing our little man, I retrieved the correct keys and headed outside.

Jubilation at seeing his Momma is an understatement.  After all, it had been 20 minutes since the last time he had seen her.  We switched the keys and then she did the unspeakable.  She got back in the car and drove off.  She left little man and me standing beside the parking lot.

No, this did not go well.  Not at all.  Little man expressed his displeasure.  He cried like there was not going to be any happiness ever again on the face of this earth.  My heart broke with him.

We walked back into the apartment, all the time I tried to comfort him.  He was not willing to be consoled.

Once inside I looked at him and said, ‘Do you want to read a book?’   The tears dried and off he toddled to pick out a book to share.  He has many good books to share.

What I learned is this.  Yes, I can be broken-hearted.  I can feel like consolation is nowhere to be found.  I can cry.  It’s alright to do all of this.  But, then I can go and read a Book that is wonderful to share.  I can open this Book and sit with One who loves me and cares for me in my broken state.  My tears will be dried and I will be comforted as I sit in my Creator’s lap reading the words He has spoken.

17 The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears,
And delivers them out of all their troubles.
18 The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart,
And saves such as have a contrite spirit.  Psalm 34:17-18 (NLT)

A Little Man Lesson #1

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“You made the moon to mark the seasons, and the sun knows when to set.” Psalm 104:19(NLT)

(Reposted and reworked from Sept. 2013 on dearanonymousfriend, my other blog)

Last evening, after I had arrived at my precious daughter and son-in-law’s home, we took a walk.  It was a nice evening for a long walk and we covered a nice area.

We ended up at a park that they hadn’t explored.  We played on teeter totters and rocking horse type swings and slides and more swings.  There were gales of laughter and giggles (from me… the baby was laughing also).  We had a wonderful time.

As we were heading back to the stroller the baby bent down and picked up a leaf.  The leaf was starting to turn brown and was at the point of being able to be crunched, if stepped upon.  However this leaf was not meant to be crunched at this time.  My precious little man picked it up gently, and walked over to another tree and tried to put the leaf back onto the tree.

He looked a bit confused when the leaf refused to be put away, and his Momma explained that leaves fall and that is how it is.

I have thought of this all day long today.  First of all, we take for granted leaves on the ground.  Some may grumble that they have to be raked up and disposed of.  Others know that the leaves have abandoned their posts on the trees in preparation for winter.  These leaves are meant to be crunched on as a part of the passage from summer to fall.

“As long as the earth remains, there will be planting and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night.” Genesis 8:22 (NLT)

But, this leaf was gently picked up and considered.

Then, there was the attempt to put the leaf back onto the tree.  It was a precious gesture.  The baby knew that leaves belong on trees and therefore, it needed to put back onto the branches where the green leaves were hanging.

This is what I got from watching this.  I too often pass situations up, people also.  I see them ‘laying on the ground’ and don’t notice them.  The situations or people don’t vie for attention.  So, they are left to be trodden underfoot and ignored. Quietly suffering alone.

That, in itself, is powerful enough.  But, no, my precious 13 1/2 month teacher went on to show me more.  How often do we try to put things back into place when the time for them there is over?  How many times do we try to keep doing something when the end date is weeks or months ago?

Sometimes it is wiser to let things lie, let them go and move on to a new season of life.  This can be difficult, but there are situations where change is not only necessary, but vital.

Today, my lesson was refreshed, look for the things in others and in situations that may need a gentle pick-up, some attention, some prayer.

“ And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.” Galatians 6:9 (NKJV)

Memories

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“Notice how your memories nest, one inside another — so close-fitting that you can’t peel one free without releasing others.” ~Dr. SunWolf

I love memories.I love the scrapbook of life, where you turn pages in your mind and revisit wonderful times.

Yesterday my memories on facebook showed a wedding picture from my nephew’s wedding. I easily remembered it had been ten years ago, not because nine years ago I wished them a happy first anniversary, but because of the time surrounding their wedding was a decade ago.

You see, the photo of my nephew and his bride reminded me that after their wedding, Dale and I stayed in the mid-Atlantic area waiting for the birth of our first grandchild.

One memory unfolded several more memories in an instant.

“I enjoy, occasionally, a day with my memories — these paintings hanging on the walls of my mind.” ~Robert Brault

The day after the wedding, Dale and I drove to Gettysburg, PA. We set up our tent and explored the town. The next three days we toured the battlefield. A day to explore for each day of the battle. We listened to a tour cd and stopped frequently to walk and truly see what was hidden from the road. It was a glorious three days of climbing, walking and hiking around the battlefield. It is a solemn site. It’s grounds are hallowed. The monuments are incredible. It is one of our favorite places to visit.

“We do not remember days, we remember moments.” ~Cesare Pavese

From camping we visited with my sister and her family for a few days. Then we headed for another important event. We relocated to a hotel near our kids and waited. We visited daily, us, the kids and his folks. We walked, talked and kept waiting. The hotel staff kept asking us if today was the day, each evening when we returned they kept us hopeful. Until the day finally arrived and so did our grandson. The day is etched in my mind, a deep memory that will not fade. The day I graduated from Mom to Grammy.

“Grandchildren are the crowning glory of the aged; parents are the pride of their children.” Proverbs 17:6 (NLT)

In recognition of our Little Man turning ten, I am going to repost some lessons I have learned from him. The lessons keep going as each time with him I discover a truth that is only seen through the eyes of a child. We also have our Little Miss, who has also taught me much. There is such a difference in the way a little boy and a little girl look at the world. Their eyes shine with a wealth of understanding and discovery that we lose in growing up. I hope to share a bit of what I have learned from my precious grands.

I end with a quote from Peter Pan, one of my most favorite stories, “Go on! Go back and grow up! But I’m warning you, once you’re grown up you can never come back.” ~ Peter Pan on leaving Neverland

The same is true when we grow up, we lose site of the wonder, the magic, the glory that God has given us to relish in this life. As we age the wonder of a beetle walking over ground is lost. The urge to blow a dandelion is met with the knowledge that those seeds will produce more dandelions in our yard. The pile of leaves is hiding danger, not excitement. The first snowfall is not magical, it is the beginning of ice and cold.

Oh! To keep that child-like mind to thoroughly enjoy each day as it comes.

Praise in all Things

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“For you shall go out with joy, And be led out with peace; The mountains and the hills Shall break forth into singing before you, And all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.” Isaiah 55:12 (NKV)

The subject of praise has been rattling around in my mind for the past few days. The definition of praise is to extol, exalt, admire a deity.

I love to praise the Lord. It is a part of each service that I look forward to. When I listen at home I find myself lifting my hands and praising where I am and with what I am doing. It is a part of my life, and I am so grateful for a relationship with God that I can honor Him.

As I have thought about this today, I have felt like I have not been in a place of praise. I have felt quiet and moody, almost. As I walked today I asked the Lord what was wrong with me.

I felt that what I needed was to be still. Once more that word I contend with. I had an image of curling up on a lap, a soft quilt wrapped around me and allowing everything in me to unwind. As I imagined myself like this, I reflected that curling up on my Creator’s lap was in itself a form of worship. I would be giving up and unwinding, allowing Him, to envelope me in His presence. Like I used to do with my girls when they were little, I would grab a quilt, wrap them up completely and sit and rock them. I would hold them and gently sing to them. They would hear my voice and the rhythm of my breath and snuggle in for rest.

This is my goal for me, to climb up into our Father’s lap with my blankie and listen for His breath and His song over me. Like all of nature that praises and dances for our Lord, this will be my offering to the King of Kings.