Category: family

An Example

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“Point your kids in the right direction-when they’re old they won’t be lost.” Proverbs 22:6 the message

My younger sister retired this week. She was a teacher for the greater part of her life. Honestly she has always been a teacher. Teachers are born. There is an innate gifting within teachers that are with them from the time they can talk I believe. I’ve always admired the profession my sister chose and she was good at it.

I was a teacher’s aide for a year and I loved each part of it. At the beginning of the year I considered going back to school so that I could become a teacher. The teacher I work with asked me to give a spelling test and I gladly obliged. But I found that the mom in me was much stronger than the teacher in me. I basically mouthed each letter of each word in the spelling test. None of the students got any of the answers wrong. It was then that I realized I was not a teacher.

Teaching is a gift. As parents we do teach our children. We teach them how to eat, how to walk, how to speak. We reinforce what they learn in schools. But there are those who are chosen to be teachers and I have known a few. I admire them and respect them, especially my younger sister. She has taught many many students over the years. Some she taught for two years as she taught a younger grade and then years later moved to an older grade and had the same round of students. She has touched lives in ways that they will always remember. How often do we think back to our own teachers? I had favorite teachers and I had some teachers that really scared me. The students, the people who the grown ups now who had my sister will fondly remember her. I don’t question that. She instilled in them a truth, faith, and the things that are taught from books. She also, I know, taught them several things that are never found in books. These are the things that these people were carry on in their lives. This will be what they teach their children. She will have inspired a generation. I stand in awe of what she has accomplished with her life.

So, congratulations to my sister. Enjoy your retirement I know now that it is summer and it is like every other year you finish school. Wait until August and September though and there’ll be no more Monday mornings that you have to scramble to get out the door. Have fun in this new adventure.

Distant friends

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“Good news from far away is like cold water to the thirsty” Proverbs 25:25 (NLT).

I have a friend I have never met face to face. This used to be uncommon, but now with social media it has become normal. We all join groups of interest and through these groups attachments are formed when we recognize a kindred spirit. I find this fascinating. You can talk with someone from a different state or a different country and it’s as easy as talking with someone you grew up with.

Today I heard from such a friend. I had messaged her and it is sometimes days before she can get a minute to respond. Of course, she often waits for me to respond also. There is an understanding that we will answer when we have a few minutes where we can answer completely, and also inquire how the other is doing. I love that.

When I saw that she was online and answering my heart smiled. The scripture above came to mind, as hearing from her is like a refreshing drink of water. We share news of family and health. We ask about our spouses. Most of all, we share prayer requests. She prays for me and I pray for her. We share what’s on our mind, the only thing truly missing is a cup of coffee and a table to sit across from each other.

Someday I hope to meet her face to face. I hope to hug her and pray for her directly. She has been a gift to me. Philippians 1:3, sums it up for me, “ I thank my God upon every remembrance of you,”

Someday friends will all be gathered together, we will stand side by side worshiping our Lord. We will praise Him for who He is, we will praise Him for His grace, mercy and forgiveness. We will praise Him for giving us gifts of love in friendships. Together, those we have never met, and those who are with us daily, will be united.

Heritage

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“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.” Psalm 127:3 (NLT)

I have two grandchildren. A young man about to turn ten and a little girl who will turn eight on her next birthday.

Our grandson recently finished fourth grade. He is home-schooled and has excelled under the tutelage of our daughter, who is an accomplished teacher. Our youngest daughter recently posted pictures for the end of fourth grade, they were precious (of course they were, I’m Grammy) . They showed aspects of the school year including a video of him playing a piece on the piano.

Our granddaughter is still in school. She has two more weeks of first grade. She is also an incredible student. She is caring and giving and quick to learn anything. She is like a sponge and will talk to you about what all she is learning. I love to hear her read to me and she is teaching herself cursive under the watchful eye of our oldest daughter.

As I have thought about our grands today, I have felt beyond blessed. These children are excelling. They love the Lord and crave to know more about Him. Their parents guide and direct them.

These kids are my heritage. I look at my daughters and wonder how they became outstanding adults, knowing how many times I faltered and missed opportunities to teach them. Like most Moms I remember the seasons of frustration and anger. The times when I yelled to go to sleep instead of comforting them and lovingly tucking them in. I know I personally dwell on my shortcomings as a parent, but obviously I did something right since my daughters shine as Moms.

Now, their children have my heart. To see them grow, to see their smiles, and hear of their accomplishments is a gift to me. They are precious gifts given to me by our Lord and my kids.

Ten years ago as we were awaiting the birth of our grandson, I looked at my husband and said, “I may not have been the greatest Mom, but I think I was born to be a grandmother”. Grammy is the best name I have ever been called.

Sundays

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“And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.” Hebrews 10:25 (NLT)

Sundays always feel like sleep-in days. I can get up at 6:30 each morning, but when the alarm goes off on Sunday mornings usually at 7:00, I groan. I don’t feel like getting up or even moving for that matter. It takes so much for me to get going that one day of the week.

I know why. The enemy of our souls does not want us to go to church. The attempt to keep us from there usually involves being too tired to move or the desire to take off just one week. I think these things through as I crawl out of bed.

Dale is on the worship team, and they practice before church, so we are there at least an hour before church starts. I go to the infants room and sit in the rocking chairs there. When I started to do this, it was to close my eyes and get a few minutes rest before I had to face anyone.

It has now evolved into something else. Women come into the little room, grab a chair if there is one left and we visit. It has become a quasi-meeting of the minds. We ask about the week, we grumble if we need to, we laugh, we hug. We have knit ourselves into a small community for the 20 minutes we are together.

Those minutes are precious to me. I have come to know these women in a better way. We pray for one another. We lift each other up. We gain confidence with each other. We have become family. It is our warm up to church. We may enter that building tired, worn from the week and discouraged. We walk out of that little room a bit hopeful, caring for another’s burden, ready to stand and worship and sing and be fed from the pulpit, words that are life giving.

Sunday is family day for me. These faces I see in church are family. They make my week complete. They bolster me. I am grateful for their presence in my life. The Lord has brought together people from all over. Many are from this area and are actual blood relations. Many of us are from different parts of this country. We even met someone who is from our area. They lived 8 miles from us growing up. My cousin was their paper boy. This world is small. Our Lord draws people together for His glory and purpose. Yes, I know again this Sunday that I will have to drag myself out of bed. I will get to church and wake up. Family has that way of waking you up and making you smile.

Blossoming into Me

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Introvert: in·​tro·​vert | \ ˈin-trə-ˌvərt a person whose personality is characterized by introversion : a typically reserved or quiet person who tends to be introspective and enjoys spending time alone Merriam-Webster Dictionary

I am an introvert. People who know me tend to disagree, but I am. People can cause me exhaustion, except if I am teaching or sharing of the Lord’s goodness. I have to be comfortable with people before I can relax enough to be me. This has taken years to be able to do this.

For the greater part of my life, I felt invisible. I don’t say this for sympathy, or encouragement, it is a statement. I have two beautiful sisters, I am in the middle. Middle children tend to be a bit weird anyhow. I can say that as I am one.

We got a Christmas card from an uncle shortly after my Mom passed, the note inside addressed my Dad, my older sister, my younger sister and then it read, I forget the other one’s name. I now laugh at it, as I am horrible remembering names, but at the time it felt like a stomach punch. How could an uncle not remember my name? I guess I should be relieved that he knew I was in the family. Later on in high school my younger sister had a date with someone in my class. He knocked on the door, I answered, he introduced himself and asked if I was her younger sister. I smiled and said, no, older sister, and I have a class with you, you sit two seats away from me. He looked stunned and I laughed like only invisible people can.

Once we were married, we would go to work functions and if Dale wasn’t right beside me, people who I had met would come up and introduce themselves to me. When I reminded them who I was, they apologized and quickly exited. I told Dale that I should just put “Dale’s wife” on name tags since no one remembered me.

I say this in jest, but it caused me pain for many years. I thought that if I was invisible to people, how could I be remembered. We all hope that we leave a legacy of some sort. I knew my sisters, family and friends would remember me, but I have always had a longing to leave a mark in this world.

Because of this feeling of invisibility, I found I sought out people who were wall flowers like me. The people who stood outside circles while others were laughing and talking. I met many great friends this way. People who I could open up to and they could to me.

Now being on the downhill side to another decade, I am comfortable in my skin. It’s taken a while, I confess, but I truly feel I am blossoming into me through God’s grace and mercy.

Psalm 34:15 says, “The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, And His ears are open to their cry.” (NKJV) True, there have been many nights of crying out to the Lord to be all I can in Him. I have asked to be the me He created me to be. I have finally gotten out of His way for the most part. I still rebel if I have to walk into a strange group or situation. I still panic having guests into our home. I don’t think that will ever change and honestly, I hope it doesn’t as then I know that the Lord is the One who has gotten the glory in my shortcomings.

We are not invisible to our Lord, Isaiah 49:15-16, “Can a mother forget the infant at her breast,  walk away from the baby she bore? But even if mothers forget,  I’d never forget you—never. Look, I’ve written your names on the backs of my hands. The walls you’re rebuilding are never out of my sight.” (MSG) I often remind myself that He knows me. He knows me better than anyone else. He knows the number of hairs on my head, as He does yours. Even those hairs in your hairbrush. He knows what is deep in my heart and mind. He sees us with His eyes. He is with us in the dark and quiet corners that we can retreat to if we are having a hard time. As an introvert I love this about our God. I can blossom into me knowing He is right there with me.

No Regrets

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My mind has been scattered this afternoon. I sit here at my desk and ask the Lord what I should write. I do this each time I sit to write a post on my blog. To the right of me on the desktop are books, varied in interest. My desk is in our guest room so the books are there for whoever stays long enough to sit and read.

My thoughts are cluttered as I think about some conversations I have had, to what to take to the church potluck on Sunday, to wondering how our granddaughter is doing with her broken wrist. Like they say, women have spaghetti for brains, one thought touches another, touches another.

To the left of me on my desk are my journals. I go to them for ideas and memories many times.

Today I picked up one from 1993. I read an entry from November 8th. My Dad passed away suddenly on November 6th, 1993. The entry described the events leading up to Dad’s death, describing my last conversation with him. At the time, I felt it was important to chronicle this. I am so glad that I did. At the end of the passage I wrote the following, “I have no regrets”.

Family relationships are complicated. Even though my sisters and I were raised in the same house by the same father, we are each unique. We sometimes don’t understand one another, we can still squabble at times. But, there is a bond deeper than we can understand. It is the bond of family. We are knit together by something none of us can explain. The same holds true to our Dad. Each of us can see things so differently about him. We can remember things differently.

I knew at the time of my Dad’s death that there would come a time when I would question that last conversation with him. I would wonder if I had said enough, had I said too much or too little. I knew that regret may follow maybe not immediately, but time afterwards. That is why I wrote no regrets.

I have read that part of my journal many times. Sometimes they are just words. Today they hit me almost 29 years later. Again, I think it is that unexplained thread that holds families together.

My sisters and I each live in a different state. When we were little we thought that we would live close to one another, maybe next door or at least a block or two away. We have each settled miles from one another. We don’t see each other often. We talk, but not every day or even weekly. But, that bond. The bond that keeps us connected, keeps us together.

Father, I thank You today for my sisters. Thank You for the shared experiences and those that we went through alone. Father, I ask that You rain down blessing upon blessings for my sisters. May they find comfort, solace, courage and strength today. Keep them in the fold of Your arms. Thank you for placing our family together, You have had a plan and a purpose for all of us, let us live without regrets. Amen.

Confidence

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“Some trust in chariots, and some in horses; But we will remember the name of the Lord our God.” Psalm 20:7 (NKJV)

Safety and security are two of the basic needs in life. When you feel safe and secure you rest easy.

Growing up our doors were only locked at night, I think. As a child I didn’t pay attention to that. I know my Dad would get a glass of water before heading to bed and he would blow his nose as only Dads can. You know that loud almost sounding like a horn honking . I do remember that.

After the death of my Mom, my sisters and I grew up quickly. Yes, we were still kids, but we had a side of us that took on more responsibility. A couple years after our Mom passing, our Dad had a job as a specialty salesman for U.S. steel (the Oilwell supply in Oil City, PA). This job required him to travel overnight, sometimes being gone for more than one night. He talked with us and we knew we were responsible for getting up on time for school and getting to bed on time.

Before leaving on his first trip, he bought a dead bolt lock to put on our door. I remember watching as he put the lock in place. It was a heavy lock, probably more secure than the door. We lived in a very quiet, small neighborhood, and everyone was aware of our situation. It was safe, but my Dad wanted the security of the dead bolt.

Through the years we have lived in areas that weren’t the best. Japan was very safe in all three houses we lived in. San Diego was not the case. But, the Lord safeguarded us. There were nights when Dale was deployed that safety and security alluded me. I felt alone and uneasy.

Through this all, our Lord has remained faithful. He has been the guard at the door, He has been the presence on our property.

When we look at the world, listen to the news, watch events unraveling around us it is hard to retain peace within.

The scripture above, some trust in chariots, and some in horses, to me that is depending on the world to keep us safe. The world can only do so much. The ending of the above scripture is what I attempt to remember, I will remember the name of the Lord my God. My God is my security. He knows my fears, my doubts, my concerns, my worries. He speaks to me in a still voice, “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” John 14:27 (NKJV)

Grateful

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“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched — they must be felt with the heart.” — Helen Keller

We lived in San Diego for twenty eight years. I have a circle of dear friends there that make my world bright and safe. I made most of those friends in my late twenties and thirties. They came into my life and took root in my heart. They have challenged me and honestly, they are responsible for the person I grew into. They are my heart.

I also have a group of friends that are my military friends. Although all of us are now way past that time of life, having been out of the Navy longer then we were in. This group was family when families were not close for any of us. We all shared experiences that were unique to each duty station we were assigned. We recognized the need to establish friendships and become family. Otherwise we would have been alone and in need of companionship and support. These friends wrote letters, no internet in those days. These friends prayed for each other, and longed for hugs in situations where we knew they would recognize.

In 2009 Dale and I moved to South Carolina. We drove across the country with a trailer and our dog and each other. Excited for a new adventure, we knew this was most likely our last great adventure. The closer we drove to Charleston the more I fretted about making friends. I was in my late 50’s and I didn’t know if I remembered how to make friends.

I once wrote about the girl scout song, ‘make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold.’ I mentioned that the friends from the military and San Diego fell into the gold section. I also realized that the friends I made in Charleston would one day fall into gold status, which they are now firmly fastened.

Seven years ago we moved to the upstate of South Carolina. Once more I wondered if I would have any friends. I should have learned my lesson by this time. Daily I am grateful for friends. I now realize that I no longer have friends in the silver category. Friends are a precious gift from God. A person who will talk with you, share with you, pray with you and be still beside you is such a blessing from our Creator. Friends are golden. Their worth is more precious than gold.

Thank you to my friends. You make my life complete and whole. You give me laughter in times of tears, you encourage me to move when I am sitting in the dirt, stuck in mud. You kick my behind when I am being stupid. You reflect Jesus to me in love, grace and exhortation. I am grateful.

Mother’s Day

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“She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.  When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness.  She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness. Her children stand and bless her.  Her husband praises her: “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!”  Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.” Proverbs 31:25-30

This scripture certainly does not describe me. Maybe the first line, but I am still trying to figure out how someone can be all five verses. I guess that will be just one of the questions I will ask when I get to heaven.

Today is Mother’s Day. After having a busy week with my daughter I told her that I was thinking of using several posts on Mother’s Day from my original blog. I did rework one. I only reworked one because I didn’t have many posts about Mother’s Day.

It’s a weird day for me. It has been for the past 56 years. In school if there were Mother’s Day projects I would be allowed to draw anything I wanted to. I would stare at the projects and be reminded that I didn’t have anyone to give it to. So, the day became an uncomfortable day for me.

When I became a mother, it was still a weird day. I never wanted to go out for a special dinner because the prices are raised in honor of Mom. I try each year to have a better attitude, but I confess I am pretty jaded about it.

When I think of my daughters being mothers, it’s a different story. Pride wells up in me. They are both wonderful mothers. I can see all five of the above verses in them. I ponder where they learned this. My words to them after they turned 11 was, “I am just winging it now. If you make it to 17, then I will count it a victory.” They grew into beautiful women in spite of me, so I know that was God.

Distilling the day down, though, Mothers should receive honor and praise daily. They deal with kids who don’t want to get up, don’t want to eat, don’t want to go to school, don’t like the way socks fit. They deal with a lot of don’ts. They deal with all the emotions. My youngest would say, ‘so many emotions, so little time’. Mothers are the ones kids want for skinned knees, skinned hearts, tummy aches hiding a fear of something in school. Mothers do not get paid, no one could afford their worth. It is a thankless job. It is an exhausting job. It’s a job that is taken for granted. One day to honor them is not enough.

So for those mothers reading, thank you for being who you are. For those who just have a mother, remember her, or call her.

Today I will go to church and will most likely be asked if I want to go out. I will hesitate, and wait for the day to be over. I love mothers and motherhood, but honestly, I dislike this day.

Tearful Good-byes

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I grew up with no grandparents alive. I didn’t realize the impact grandchildren have on your heart.

When our Little Man visits, we scheme to hide away so we can stay together. Unfortunately his parents have caught on to our plan. Tears run down my cheek as they leave the driveway. It happens every time.

When we visit Little Miss we do the leaving and although tears freely fall, I get distracted almost immediately as we travel down the interstate.

The past couple of weeks we have spent time with Little Miss and her family. I have had time with her that I didn’t have to share with her Grampy. This afternoon we did the final touches inside the lake house. Dale and my son-in-law are still working on projects outside.

Little Miss and her Mom just left. As I hugged her good-bye, she pleaded with me to go back home with her. She then continued to let me know how much she will miss me. As I sit alone in the finished living room here, my heart has a new crack through it.

“Grandchildren are the crowning glory of the aged” Proverbs 17:6a

I have such joy in my grandchildren. They are gifts to my heart. They have taught me and enriched my life.