Category: Faith

Ours is not to reason Why

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Today I tied my shoes. Yes, I did! Not rocket science, I realize, but after ten days, it was a major accomplishment.

I met my orthopedic surgeon this morning. A lovely man, gentle and kind. He also, after moving my arm around a bit, gave me excellent news. No surgery needed. YAY!!!

I have a fracture of my right elbow, but I am free to use my right hand again. Praise God! I am still in a sling, but that is to remind myself that I am still healing and I need to use caution.

I am thrilled with this news, and I am thankful for all of you who have prayed for me, checked in on me, and did so many wonderful things for me. Your abundance of care and concern have blessed me beyond measure.

I have though, I confess, questioned the Lord as to why this happened. Was there a purpose? Does there continue to be a purpose? Did I learn what I was supposed to? Yes, a whole barrage of questions. Many I will never know the answer this side of glory.

I need to rest in the knowledge of Romans 8:28, “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” (NLT) There is a reason for this time and season. I will try to listen with my heart and mind and rest, knowing God is in control.

I Trust Your Hands

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This morning we went to vote in the primary here in South Carolina. Dale was helping me get ready to go out. As he was fixing the back of my sling he apologized for moving my arm more than what he thought it needed to be. I simply replied, “I trust your hands.” I knew that he would not cause me pain or harm in helping me.

As we were coming home after voting, the phrase ‘I trust your hands’ came back into my mind. In fact it echoed in my mind the entire way home. I started to think about that phrase. The simple fact is that since I know Dale and have lived with him for almost 50 years, I trust him.

Isaiah 59:1 from the New King James Version states, “behold, the Lord’s hand is not shortened, that it cannot save; nor his ear heavy, that it cannot hear.” This verse also came to me on the way home from voting. God’s hand is always there to help steady me. He does not drift away from me or allow me to stumble or fall. I need to trust His hands.

Too often, I don’t think of this. And yet as the loving Father our God is, He is always near to us, His hands are open and ready to be there for us in any situation. Today’s lesson for me was Trust. Trust is sometimes an area that is hard to come by.

Everyone at some point, has had their trust broken. It takes time to recover from that lack of trust. Trust in our God, is something that is not easily broken. Our God is faithful even when we are not faithful, we can turn to Him, take His hand, and live out our lives. Trust in the Lord was not what I thought today’s lesson would be for me. In fact, I really did not think I would be writing today.

Sometimes a simple phrase given glibly has a profound lesson in it. That was my case today. When Dale apologized for possibly being too rough (he was not), and I merely reaffirmed to him my trust in him, I thought it was just a comment. The Lord uses everything in our lives to teach us, to guide us, and to instruct us. I am grateful for the little things that the Lord has shown me. I stand encouraged now, knowing that yes, I do trust in His hands. Matthew 28:20b states, “and low, I am with you always even to the end of the age.”(NKJV) This scripture is one that I love. It is like a quilt wrapped around me. It assures me that no matter what I am doing, where I am going, or what I am experiencing, our Lord is right there with me.

Just Plain Ugly

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As parents we have all had a day with a child who is just plain ugly. They whine, they scream, they cry. They cry if you say yes. They cry if you say no. They’re just plain ugly. We all get days like that, it’s not reserved just for toddlers.

This past Saturday was such a day for me. Most days I can see the Lord very easily in my life. Saturday, although I knew the Lord was with me, I was still just plain ugly.

When I have days like that I know what I’m supposed to do. After 67 years of life I know how to avoid the day getting away from me. First of all, I avoid talking to people. That includes my husband. I will have gentle conversations and then leave him alone. I also go on walks which causes me to unwind relax and talk with the Lord. This Saturday nothing was working. My poor husband, was the brunt of my frustration. I think he earned a halo that day living with me. I did attempt to walk, but I was muttering the entire time. If God wanted to speak to me, He couldn’t have gotten word in for my muttering.

On days like that, when I am out of sorts, I usually clean. I will start a task that I’ve been putting off and put my whole self into it. Or, I will make a delicious dinner that takes many steps to complete. I’ve also been known to bake on days like that. All of these things came to mind but, I couldn’t accomplish any of them. I can’t even tie my shoes at the moment. All of the frustration hit me on Saturday. I was not pleasant.

I woke up Sunday morning and apologized profusely to my husband. I confessed to him that I was just ugly. With the patience of Job, he looked at me and told me it was okay. He reassured me that it was all right to be out of sorts. I had already asked the Lord for forgiveness on Saturday night.

I share this day with you because too often as Christians we show the good side only. We like to reveal ourselves as someone who is constantly in touch with our Lord. We like to project an image that we are always filled with praise, grace, and worship of God. The image that we try to do, myself included, is to look like we are at peace at all times; nothing ruffles our feathers. We are all human, I am human. That means that frustration is going to get to us. What I was reminded of on Saturday in my foggy thinking, in between yelling at the littlest things, was that God was still there. He might not have been able to get a word in edgewise, but that did not make Him walk away from me. I’ve learned long ago that our God is a God that stays. He is with me in trials and tribulations and broken arms. He does not move. We as humans are the ones who move away from Him. Saturday I was that toddler. I was the one sitting in the corner stomping my feet, throwing toys, screaming, whining, and crying. I was not pretty. Had I just stopped for a moment, I would have realized that behind me in that corner was my Lord who was trying to wrap His perfect arms of love and peace around me. Had I been quiet I would have heard Him say to me, “peace, be still”. It is said that hindsight is 20/20. I realized when my eyes opened Sunday morning that hindsight is 20/20. Had I stopped even for a few minutes to calm down, to relax, and be still I would have realized what was going on.

In the New Living Ttranslation, John 16:33 states; “I have told you all of this so that you may have peace in me. Here on Earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” Our Lord has overcome the world and because of that we can overcome the trials and tribulations that we encounter. This arm sling is a season of my life. Yes, I do get frustrated when I can’t tie my shoes, can’t shower, or fix meals. I know there is much for me to learn during this season. There is a sign for a church in the area and it says “there can be no testimony without the test”. I’ve wanted this blog to show the real me. Am I proud of the way I acted on Saturday? Absolutely not. Have I learned something from my behavior on Saturday? Definitely!

This I’ve been reminded of, my Lord walks with me daily. He’s the one that prevented me from falling on a piece of granite that is in our yard. I landed on soft grass. He’s the one who has directed physicians and made appointments for me. He’s going to be with me throughout the rest of this season. I pray I can be open to hear, to listen, to rest and be calm. Thank you for prayers as I know many of you are praying for me.

Miriam

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Those of us who have siblings, have sometimes felt like we are living in their shadow. The story of Miriam in the Bible is like that. She grew up and lived in the shadows of her brothers Moses and Aaron.

Little is recorded of Miriam’s life in the Bible, but the impact she had on the lives of her brothers and the example that she gave us is a legacy. We often see in Scripture that Miriam was in the background being a supportive role in many ways. We learned many things from Miriam’s life. She had the courage and the boldness to go up to Pharaoh’s daughter and asked if she would like her to find someone to nurse the baby. By doing that with such boldness Miriam was able to have her brother Moses around her until he was weaned. She showed courage and boldness in a young age by being able to do this.

Like myself, Miriam was a woman. She was like women are today. She woke up and did chores, cleaned out her home and later her tent. She most likely raised a family. She was a sister to her brothers. She took care of them and they took care of her. She got impatient with our lord. She was just like a woman today. Not many scriptures are about her but she is hovering in the background but not mentioned.

Miriam was introduced matter of factly in Bible. The story of Moses being hidden in the bull rushes it just simply states his sister stood afar off. She did not have the center stage, no lights beaming down on her she was there. She was faithful, loving and courageous. At the end of her life she is again mention matter of factly. The scripture says Miriam died there and she was buried. There is no mention of people mourning her her passing. I am certain her family and close friends mourned her passing but it’s not mentioned clearly in the Bible. Simply that she died and was buried. Yet, she is prominent. We learn about her in the bible. We read about her. She isn’t as big as Moses or Aaron. She isn’t like a Paul or Peter. She left a legacy of faith.

Her lesson is a simple one an individual as we all are. Each of us will leave our own legacy. One day we will be an ancestor. We will be from the past. We will be that faded memories from stories told. We may not be doing anything earth-chattering right now. We may never have done anything earth-shattering. Most likely those of us who are here or are reading my blog won’t be mentioned in history books. There will be no historical marker that said so and so lived here or slept here. We are just individuals who live our lives.

What we can learn from Miriam is love which she had for her brothers and for her family. Loyalty which she had toward her brothers it is shown as she went through the desert with them. Courage is something we learned from Miriam we saw that when she was first mentioned when she approached Pharaoh’s daughter hoping to protect her baby brother. Miriam was patient she praised God for victories, she led a worship service for the women after they crossed the Red Sea. She was like us also and taught us the consequences for backbiting complaining and gossiping. She was struck with leprosy. But the Lord healed her. So she also taught us about forgiveness.

Our Father in heaven has gifted us with different gifts. We each have something that we hold dear. Everyone can make the same meal and if we all serve the same thing like in a potluck setting, the same food would taste differently. Each dish each would be unique and different. That is what we are to the Lord we are each unique and different.

Every one of us will leave a legacy that others can learn from. What will your legacy be?

An Example

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“Point your kids in the right direction-when they’re old they won’t be lost.” Proverbs 22:6 the message

My younger sister retired this week. She was a teacher for the greater part of her life. Honestly she has always been a teacher. Teachers are born. There is an innate gifting within teachers that are with them from the time they can talk I believe. I’ve always admired the profession my sister chose and she was good at it.

I was a teacher’s aide for a year and I loved each part of it. At the beginning of the year I considered going back to school so that I could become a teacher. The teacher I work with asked me to give a spelling test and I gladly obliged. But I found that the mom in me was much stronger than the teacher in me. I basically mouthed each letter of each word in the spelling test. None of the students got any of the answers wrong. It was then that I realized I was not a teacher.

Teaching is a gift. As parents we do teach our children. We teach them how to eat, how to walk, how to speak. We reinforce what they learn in schools. But there are those who are chosen to be teachers and I have known a few. I admire them and respect them, especially my younger sister. She has taught many many students over the years. Some she taught for two years as she taught a younger grade and then years later moved to an older grade and had the same round of students. She has touched lives in ways that they will always remember. How often do we think back to our own teachers? I had favorite teachers and I had some teachers that really scared me. The students, the people who the grown ups now who had my sister will fondly remember her. I don’t question that. She instilled in them a truth, faith, and the things that are taught from books. She also, I know, taught them several things that are never found in books. These are the things that these people were carry on in their lives. This will be what they teach their children. She will have inspired a generation. I stand in awe of what she has accomplished with her life.

So, congratulations to my sister. Enjoy your retirement I know now that it is summer and it is like every other year you finish school. Wait until August and September though and there’ll be no more Monday mornings that you have to scramble to get out the door. Have fun in this new adventure.

Remember

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“When I remember you on my bed I meditate on you in the night watches.” Psalm 63:6 new King James version

Last night was one of those nights. We all have them. Sometimes we have them several times a week. I haven’t had one in a few weeks. Last night was an exception though. It was a night that I felt like my sleep shirt was made of burlap, the sheets were fiberglass and I was laying on a thin piece of plywood on top of an ant hill, nothing worked.

I got up several times before Dale went to bed and he patiently adjusted everything for me; the sling, putting biofreeze on me, whatever I needed he patiently was there. Finally I got up and had a cup of tea. That seemed to help a little bit. I went back to bed and laid there hoping to fall asleep.

Soon the parade wanted to start. You know that parade the “what if ” parade. The parade where ridiculous thoughts fill your head that never appear any other time except in the middle of the night.

It was then that I thought, ‘remember Cathi, remember all the good things in your life and do not watch the what if parade’. According to the website Knowing Jesus the word remember has 253 occurrences in 12 different translations that’s an awful lot of times to read the word remember. If the word remember occurs so often in the bible, there must be a reason for it. My belief is that the Lord wants us to remember. He wants us to remember the good times, the blessings, and the times we might have tripped or stumbled but he was there to catch us. I spent the rest of the night remembering. Eventually, I drifted off to sleep, wrapped in the arms of memories. Today, remember in your own life what the Lord has done for you, brought You through, and is getting you through current situations. Our God is a good God, He wants us to remember that.

New Discoveries

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“For I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength”. Philippians 4: 13 (NLT)

I had thought that I would wait until next week to write again. But, I believe the Lord had a different idea for me. So, I will attempt to write a post right now.

Although it is only been 3 days since I fell I have come to to realize many things that I have taken for granted. First of all a friend yesterday, suggested that since my dominant hand is not of any use at the moment, that I color in a child’s coloring book. I colored my first picture left-handed last night and came to two discoveries about this. First, I need to buy new crayons for my grandchildren. The ones that are in the little crayon box are worthless. Secondly, I learned that when you were coloring with a less dominant hand the habit of your tongue sticking out to help you color comes into effect again. I felt like a first grader or kindergartener trying to color in the pictures with my tongue out to the side for balance.

Now that I have gotten major discoveries out of the way I want to share with you what I have felt the Lord speaking to me during the past few days. One of the things that I realized almost immediately after the shock of the fall(which was a great fall by the way) was that I did not think of myself beside the initial ‘ouch! that hurts’. I found that I felt the presence of the Lord in a mighty way and it was a peaceful feeling for me. The Lord is with us no matter what. He is in our ups and our downs yes that was tongue in cheek. Although this fall has made things change and shift for Dale and I, it has not moved God off of his throne. I used to give my oldest daughter the scripture Philippians 4:13 often, she would use it as her life verse and still does, I believe. It came to me that I too need to lean on this scripture I may not be able to do everything that I did last week. But that doesn’t mean that I am useless or helpless. I’m grateful for all the prayers of friends, family, church people and the people who read this blog who may not even know me personally. I have felt the presence of your prayers, the encouragement of your prayers, and the love that has been poured into these prayers. Our God is a good God He has given me a sense of humor and I have laughed several times this week at the antics of functioning with one hand.

It has always been my goal that if something major were to happen to me that I would not look in agony at myself, but that I would be able to share the glory of God throughout my experience. Granted, this is not life-threatening, it is not something that will alter my life forever, it’s an inconvenience but even in this I want to praise God in all things.

I have been blessed this week with gifts of food, prayers and people saying that they missed reading my blog. That is something I did not expect and it has ministered to my heart in ways I cannot even describe. Thank you to all of you who have stood by me, encouraged me, love me and cheered me on I’m going to attempt to write. It may not be daily but I am going to try to attempt to write often throughout this process.

This will be a different manner for me but I know in the Lord I can do all things.

Fumble Fingers

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“For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb.
 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.” Psalm 139:13-14 (NKJV)

This is just one of my favorite verses. I try to remind myself of this verse daily. I have a hopeless case of comparison-itis. Yes, I just made up that word.

I read works from others, and some I personally know and I sit in awe of the way they express themselves. If I allow myself, I can become discouraged. I question if I am truly hearing from the Lord to write or if I am just doing an exercise for myself. (Just being truthful here, not needing encouragement)

Each morning I read a devotion from Max Lucado. He has such a wonderful way of expressing himself and drawing me into the Lord for the day. I am thankful for this little book of his.

As I read this morning the above thoughts came to mind. I wondered like I mentioned above if there was anyone I had touched like Mr. Lucado touches me with his words. (Again, just being truthful here.)

I know the Lord has called me to do what I am doing. I am excited to see how He is prospering my attempt to share good things about Him. It has been fun for me. I began to talk myself out of the comparison-itis and was feeling very positive, almost like I was confident in MY ability.

I messaged a friend today and I inadvertently hit several keys without realizing it and the message was a mess. The recipient will most likely look at it and wonder if I had been drinking this morning or maybe I am not mentally intact.

In this day when we text and get ‘fat fingers’ we understand goofs in messages and texts. My friends are well aware of my problem with fat fingers. But, although I am fearfully and wonderfully made, my problem isn’t just fat fingers. I had a memory come to me of why I think I am fumbled fingered. Years ago I applied for a job while stationed in Japan. It was for the headquarters of the command as a typist for their legal department. I went in, interviewed, and started the typing test. I sat, corrected my posture, placed my fingers on the keys and typed what was before me. I had great time. I ripped the paper out of the typewriter (which by the way is a great feeling) and turned it in. I was thanked for the interview and was told that I would hear in a few days.

The position was for a GS-9, a government position. My GS rating had expired while overseas. Dale later talked with the man who interviewed me. The man relayed that a current rating applied after I had and since their rating was active, they were hired. At the end of the conversation the man told Dale that my typing test was all wrong. I had placed my fingers on the wrong keys to start the test and my score was negative 180 words. I have always had fat fingers. They were actually going to hire me except for the person with the current rating.

Comparison-itis can be fatal. Fortunately, that one test stands out to me often. I failed miserably, yet, they were going to hire me. Comparing ourselves to others is like questioning if the Lord actually did create each of us in a wonderful and fearful manner. We are looking at the giftings and abilities of others and wonder why we can’t be like them. We will never be like ‘them’, simply because we are NOT them.

Yes, I may make typing errors often. My sentence structure may be off. I may not be as deep spiritually as I would like. I know, though, that God uses us when we are willing to be used. He uses broken vessels and those of us with fumbled fingers.

Reaching for the sun

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I do not like summer. To me, it’s over-rated. The heat is unbearable. The mosquitos love me (I’m their favorite meal), and I burn like a cooked lobster (bright red with usual blisters). Although I do enjoy an occasional day at the shore or at a pool.

As I have mentioned previously, Dale and I are getting up at daybreak to work in the yard. We have cut down approximately twenty trees so far. Today were five on the larger size. Before gasping at the amount of trees felled, you must know we live on five acres and twenty trees down are not noticeable at all. Most of these trees have had limbs stretching out, trying to reach some sun. The limbs we had professionally removed were very large, one about fifty feet (it was over our house) and the one over our driveway was at least forty feet.

Today’s trees were not as large as the trees the limbs were removed from, but they were struggling to get enough light and air. We will be doing this for some time as we get our property the way we envision it.

This afternoon I walked a couple of slow laps on our driveway. I asked the Lord to open my eyes to see what He wanted me too. Yes, I was complaining to Him about the heat while I did this. I stopped to look at our home. With the big branches down the summer light is different from what it was.

The sunlight dappled through the trees. I could see the puffy white clouds clearly. The back yard was open and inviting. The sunlight in the woods was easily visible. I shocked myself that I was enjoying being outside.

I thought of the trees. I realized that they were trying to reach the sun. It was then that I heard, “You also are reaching out, trying to reach the Son.”

I love it when a thought turns into a post. It’s true, daily I try to reach the Son. To have His presence in my day. It was like receiving a big comfy hug which I needed today.

Yesterday, I woke up grumpy. I was irritated all day long. I was not pleasant to be around. I went to write yesterday afternoon, thinking that would improve my mood, that my focus would return to where it should be. I typed a title and all of a sudden, my screen was full of warnings and bright red blocks and none of the keys worked. Thankfully, I could write on my phone and my husband could fix my computer. This only frustrated me more. I went to bed early, as I could not take my mood anymore.

This morning after a good rest, I realized that it was me who was off yesterday, not the Lord. Psalm 143:8 is a clear reminder for me. “Cause me to hear Your lovingkindness in the morning, For in You do I trust; Cause me to know the way in which I should walk, For I lift up my soul to You.”

We all have off days. Days that seem to be filled with frustration and dead-ends, these are the times where we need to stretch out our arms and reach for the Son.

Gratitude

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A long marriage develops over time. In our case, we basically grew into adults together. Dale was barely out of his teens and I celebrated my 20th birthday two weeks into our marriage.

Through the years we have endured much. We have equally loved one another and disliked each other many times. We are still a work in progress 47 and a half years later.

Yesterday we went to see Top Gun, Maverick. We haven’t been to many movies since the lockdown. In fact this was our third movie on the big screen since that time.

When the movie started and familiar music played, I smiled. Memories of the first Top Gun rushed forward in my mind. All through 1985 our paper carried stories of behind the scene exploits. San Diego was the focus in the original. Dale was stationed on the base where it was filmed. I was an ombudsman there and helped to start the Family Service center on that base. There is one scene in the original where Maverick drives his bike the wrong way up the street. Little details that made the movie for us. Plus, being in a Navy town the excitement was high with cheers throughout the show.

Yes, it all came flooding back to me. This time, we strained to see what was just out of the view of the film , hoping to catch more of our old hometown. We knew exactly where many of the scenes took place. We would say where things were in almost every scene. We walked out of the theater smiling and discussing the film. The only thing missing for us was not being in a Navy town. The undercurrent of excitement was not there.

As I sat in the theater, watching and remembering, I looked over at Dale. Gratitude filled me. Because of him, my life has been a full one. I have seen and experienced so much. I am a small town girl. I married a small town boy. Together we grew up into this couple who has witnessed much together.

We can’t take full credit though. The Lord is the One who has gifted us. He knit us together when we were unraveling. He strengthened us when we were weak and faltering. He gave us orders to places we didn’t think we’d like, but He knew exactly what we needed. Yes, gratitude fills my heart.

“Oh give thanks to the Lord for He is good! For His mercies endure forever. ” Psalm 107:1 (NKJV)