Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 (NKJV)
In starting this blog, I determined to be open and honest. I wanted to be real in talking about my relationship with our Lord and I wanted to be open about my experiences. Thus far it has been easy. This one is like that dream you have of being in middle school and walking down the halls undressed. I approach this blog with an amount of hesitancy.
Shortly after the birth of our youngest, I was hit with major depression. I was 28 at the time, my husband was out to sea, and I bought and moved into our first home a week before our daughter was born. I also had a 4 year old. At first glance, that’s Navy life, and baby blues. Not a big deal.
However that depression continued on from my late twenties and into my thirties. I went to counseling and physicians to no avail. That is when I turned to the Great Physician. It was a distressing time but also a season of growth and education for me.
Along with depression and anxiety, I had a constant companion of fear. I was afraid of everything. Someone could stub their toe in Antarctica and I would be thinking it was going to affect my home life. I was consumed with the what ifs.
Finally I was put in touch with the right physician and found a conclusion for this mental debilitation. The situation was taken care of and I healed physically, emotionally and mentally. It was a long drab season though.
Throughout this period of time, I wrote, prayed, listened, tried diets and anything I could think of. From the start there were two scriptures that I clung to. I repeated and read the one above and this one. 2 Timothy 1:7 says, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” (NKJV)
I would repeat, pray, yell the part of a sound mind. I stood upon that word. I still cling to it.
Do I regret that time of my life? Am I ashamed of it? No. It was during this season of my life where I learned to trust my God. He never left me during this time. He was beside me with each appointment. He was with me during sleepless nights where I wondered if the world would be better without me. He was there when I spent nights crying. He was there. He was there. He was there. And because He was there, I am here, able to talk about this.
I do not think I would be me the way I am without that season. It shaped and molded me. I learned strength. I learned faith. I learned to trust in the Word.
Am I saying I now do not have a bout of depression, anxiety or fear? No, I am human and we are still on this chaotic earth. I know where I have come from. I rest knowing I have a loving God who is there for me. When I face the things that crippled me so long ago, I look at it through eyes of a veteran who has faced the battle of depression, fear and anxiety. The battle has been fought. I have survived. I have the tools to squash these enemies. Most of all, I have a God, who still is beside me giving me strength.
We who have run for our very lives to God have every reason to grab the promised hope with both hands and never let go. It’s an unbreakable spiritual lifeline, reaching past all appearances right to the very presence of God where Jesus, running on ahead of us, has taken up his permanent post as high priest for us, in the order of Melchizedek. Hebrews6: 18-20 (The Message)