“So He Himself often withdrew into the wilderness and prayed.” Luke 5:16 (NKJV)
Growing up, there was a neighbor’s formal garden that had a fence surrounding it. The fence had a hole in it that joined our yard with what we referred to as our “Secret Garden” or the field.
Inside this glorious place were many varieties of trees, weeping willow, apple, crab apples, maples. It was a very special place to have growing up.
The field was where my sisters and I could be girls, singing, and dreaming. It was also a combat field when the boys in the neighborhood joined in. Crab apples became hand grenades, weeping willow branches became whips. We would run and shout and climb trees. Again, it remains a magical place in my memories.
Often I would go there, climb a tree and imagine what my life would be like. Could I be a famous singer? Later I realized you have to be able to carry a note to do this. A dancer? You have to be coordinated to do that, not long legged and clumsy. An actor? Again, talent is needed to attain that. All dreams that girls can dream.
The garden was my place to withdraw, to contemplate, and yes, even pray childish prayers. I could tend to live inside myself easily.
I still can live inside myself. Quiet is a great companion for me. Being alone is fine also. I am easily overwhelmed with people around.
Lately I have been reminded that my blog has not produced anything in a while. Somehow the words don’t appear on their own and I haven’t contributed.
A few minutes ago, I got online and read some of my recent posts. The words jarred me into thinking elsewhere. Lately, I have withdrawn. I have sat in quietness and stillness.
That is all well and good, but, the downside is that when it is quiet within me, a record with deep grooves begins to play on repeat. The music and harmony are quiet enough, but the lyrics are not the best. The lyrics to this record is the same as it has been the bulk of my life.
The lyrics berate me with what is my worth, what do others think of me, am I doing enough for the Lord? This record never skips, it never stops.
Introspection can be good for a while. Living in introspection is not ideal. Shaking myself from this reverie I have had was necessary today. I have many exciting things waiting for me in the next few months. Things I need to be fully alert for.
We’re visiting with friends we were stationed with in Maine this weekend. We are planning on visiting our girls this month, I am looking forward to a San Diego friend to be with me also. September will be our Ladies Retreat (and yes, planning that has raised a lot of the above questions). Then in October we are going to visit Ireland. A place where I have longed to visit.
I know I am not the only person to withdraw into herself. I know the questions I have asked myself are not singular to myself. But, there are times where I wish I could return to the “Secret Garden”, climb a tree and sit the afternoon away while dreaming. 
The Refreshing of a Wild Rose 