Tag: Mom

I Think My Record Has a Scratch On It

Published on by marycatherinethomas2 Comments

“For God’s gifts and his call can never be withdrawn.” Romans 11:29 (NLT)

I am old enough to remember spending my afternoons and weekends listening to 45’s and albums. In middle school, I loved the Monkees. This group helped me in many ways cope with the death of my Mom. I had all of their albums and played them over and over. On their first album was the song, “The Last Train to Clarksville”, which had a scratch in it. There was one point in the song that made it sound like the singer had a case of the burps, where it just kept replaying a note. The needle was stuck in the groove from the scratch. It was at this point where you either put a penny on the top of the needle to give it more weight to keep tracking or you gently put a finger on top of the needle to keep it tracking. To this day, whenever I hear this song my mind automatically puts the scratch part of the song in my mind. I smile whenever this happens.

We all have records that we play in our mind. Not the actual vinyl albums, but records of how we feel about ourselves or what has been told or yelled at us through the years. These records replay negative things in our mind and follow us through life, unfortunately.

How often do you listen to ‘those’ records? Recently I have listened to mine and it has been stuck on the same note. For me, that note is feeling inadequate. These notes stick in my brain, and they clog my heart and soul. In these times, I cannot clearly see or hear God’s voice telling me that I am enough. I fail to hear God’s voice that Yes, I can write, yes I can minister. Mainly that I CAN.

What I have once more learned that when I focus on the skip in the recording instead of allowing the Lord to rest His finger on the needle of my heart so that the skip is barely noticeable, I can continue with the song that is my life.

God’s finger He places on us is a gentle touch. He doesn’t want us to listen to bad recordings. He has more for us. He has the beautiful harmony that He has created for us. His recordings bring us life and fullness of joy. When I was in middle school we had a stack of 45’s. We would go through that stack and discover songs we had forgotten we had. We’d play them and remember why they were at the bottom of the stack, they were just bad. The same is true in our life, (especially mine), when we reach down and play the recordings that do not give us life, do not draw us closer to God and to what He has planned for us.

I, once more, have to take the record I have been listening to and toss it or better still, break it so it cannot be taken out again.

Keepsakes of the Heart

Published on by marycatherinethomas2 Comments

“Every time I think of you, I give thanks to my God.” Philippians 1:3 (NLT)

There are years when this day passes like every other day. The 27th of September, the month is almost over and soon October will be here. A day in the month, a day of the week.

Still other years my mind travels and my heart opens up to remind me of the keepsakes I carry there. On September 27th in 1966 my Mom passed away. It seems like ancient history most times. My sisters and I not only survived, we thrived. We continued on in our life. Yes, we met with more than a few hiccups, but we kept moving and going and are stronger today because of this event.

When the years come where this is on my mind, I sit and study the reasoning behind my thoughts. Am I okay? Do I miss my sisters? Am I on that tape of wondering the what if’s?

I am okay. I do miss my sisters, who doesn’t when we live far apart? And yes, I do compare my relationships with my daughters and wonder the what if’s in life.

The reality is, I will never know if I would have had conflict with my mother during my teen years. Neither will I know how I would have handled (or how she would have handled) my getting married young and moving away. I will wonder what kind of a grandmother she would have been. Would I have had to tell her not to spoil my girls? Yes, there are a lot of what if’s, not only because of losing a parent, but in life in general we have what if’s.

It’s been 56 years since she passed away. Breakthroughs have happened in cancer research, the world has greatly changed. We have grown up. I do wonder what she would think of cell phones and computers and flying cars, oh yeh, that hasn’t really happened yet. I got distracted.

In truth, my memories of her are keepsakes. Things to pull out on occasion and examine and look at. I am thankful for those memories. I know some are from stories and some are actual memories. She gave my sisters and I a good foundation. She gave us strength, and a sense of humor. I was once told by my Dad that I had my mother’s temper, don’t know if that’s a good thing…

So today, although the keepsakes have escaped from the vault of my heart, I am thankful she gave me life. I am thankful for what she instilled in me. I am thankful I don’t have her nose. I am thankful that for eleven years of my life I had a great Mom.